How would you handle this...?

Question

My husband KNOWS I am against smoking. I've lost 13 family members to lung cancer and/or emphysema. My parents are heavy smokers and it scares me. The problem is, I think my husband is smoking at work and lying to me about it. Just today, he gave me a kiss, and his lips and beard smelled strongly of smoke. He said it was because everyone else at work was stressed and smoking a lot. I'm not an idiot, I know the smell of smoke would not just be attracted mostly to his lips. I've also smelled it on his hand or sleeve cuff. If I bring it up, he makes excuses, like he was just holding a cigarette for a friend. Hes normally very upfront with me, but I fear that hes afraid to be honest with me on this subject. It makes me feel like hes taking me for a fool, thinking he can hide it from me. He works in adult foster care home, and all the other staff smoke in the garage. It wouldnt surprise me if the temptation is too much. I'm already worried enough about his weight, I dont need

this too. What can I do to get him to come clean, and help him to kick the habit, when he has to be surrounded by smokers at least a couple times a day for a staff meeting. Also, we were out to dinner with his coworkers tonight, and someone said something that pretty much insinuated that my husband smokes. UGH! I dont know wether to get really angry with him, or try to be kind.

Answer 1

you love him? Ok if it is yes then deal with it I am sure there are other things to worry about. At least he is not cheating

Answer 2

Well, he is definantly lieing. If I was you bring it up saying your not mad but scared and try to bring up smoke aid stuff like the patch or gum. I tried the patch awhile back couple of years ago it on the other hand did not work
Although my brother inlaw gave me a couple of pieces of that nicorrett gum and when I had a cravin I chewed one. with negative thinking it still stopped the crave, at least for a few minutes. but you keep going to the gum and it will work. It took me 45$ to buy a package of gum get the 4mg not the two it will fight stronger cravings. It took 5 days 1st day 8 cigs instead of 20 or so a day 2nd day around 7 3rd 4 , 4th 1 fifth day one. the early morning is the killer that and after meals but it will work. Yes I still have cravings when other people smoke but I just know it is about 200$ or more a month. ever since I quit I have felt better and now I can put that money in another hole.. good luck!
If he keeps lieing then honestly I would find another person to be with who knows what else is in the dark you know?

Answer 3

Your husband is smoking, and most likely he is ashamed of it. It is very very hard to quit (I am fighting this same battle) and I will admit I lie about it as well. Yes-I get busted all the time, and yes every second of every day I think about just walking away from it, and some days it works, and some days--not so well.

The only person who can make your husband quit is your husband. Be supportive, let him know you know and have him call you when he feels the urge. Offer encouragement, and some sort of reward when he passes up the cigarette instead of smoking it. And hey--there are a lot worse vices out there.

Answer 4

I'd say you are very right that he is smoking.
I'd also say he is terrified that you'll be madder at him for doing this behind your back. Plus like any smoker i've ever met who does not smoke constantly, they think that they can give it up at any point in time. So he is confident that he will be able to stop smoking if he has to. Of course as you proabbaly know he is wrong and it is not that easy especially since in his working environment his co-workers smoke.
Be calmly angry. And this might seem like a bit of a contradiction but maybe being disappointed in his lies will make him try and change his behaviour. Remember why you are angry its because you care so much and do not want him to suffer any of the consequences of lung cancer.
Maybe to ease your thinking though it is also found to be slightly hereditary so those whose family has a history are likley to be more likley to suffer lung cancer due to smoking etc. If none in his family have ever gotten lung cancer from smoking he is a much lower risk. But i agree its still a stupid risk. If my wife wanted me to stop a very bad habit the only way that would convince me to do so would be to explain how important this is to her and that by continuing to do so means she is being continuously hurt by me.
I hope that he understands soon because tis obviously seriously bothers you. Good luck with this :)

Answer 5

well, I understand you do not want him to smoke. But your not his Mother! He is a grown up! If he knows you hate smoking and he smokes.... What can you do? Nothing reallly you can not controll him, Just as He can make you loose weight or color your hair or gain weight. Or anything else for that matter. Remember those words you said... FOR BETTER OR WORSE etc. well... You said um. If you say to him I hope your not smoking I do not want to loose you also to cancer etc. and he still chooses to smoke You can not Do anything.

Answer 6

lady yes smoking sucks but there's so many other problems in the world,he loves ya and smoking is very hard to quit,get a grip,sorry but there's so many other things to flip about that make sense right now

Answer 7

he is smoking!!!!!! sit down w/ him and really stress how important it is to u for him to be alive and well. u will be surprised how it will turn out b/c a lot of emotions will arise once u bring up how u have lost family members to the same habit in question. i wish u well, and do it sooner than later!!!!

Answer 8

You might try to confront him with more of a compassionate attitude. Smoking is a very, very hard addiction to kick. Try to be supportive rather than confrontational. He is likely ashamed that he is doing it.