My ex-wife has been either calling me or emailing every single day for the last 2-weeks (we were divorced in January 2006). She told me that her boyfriend had lied to her about his marital status: he was still with his wife. She was very upset when she called to tell me this and she stated that she is no longer seeing him although they talk on the phone periodically. She left me for him and she was seeing him while I was still living with her in our house (now her house).
She lacks all the qualities that a man should want in a woman: she is dishonest, disloyal, untrustworthy, a taker and not flexible. In addition to admits to having low self esteem and she exercises poor judgement! We were together for 14 years. Despite all the objective information that tells me that she is not worth having a relationship with, in the back of my mind I am entertaining giving her another chance because it is clear that is what she wants. Am I crazy? Should I give her a chance?
2006-10-19 16:04:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please do not give her another chance -- you are quite generous as it is, to even take a phone call from her after how she cheated on you. You don't have to be nasty to her; but define CLEAR BOUNDARIES about what is and is not acceptable behavior from her. Perhaps you feel sorry for her, and just want to be a friend.
Please do not let her back into your life. We all make mistakes; but even though you're clear on what SHE wants -- what about YOU?!
You deserve to have a good, close and healthy relationship with a woman; there are lots of women out there, who ARE honest, loyal, faithful, trustworthy, intelligent and MATURE adult women!
Please, take a deep breath, and just say, "No."
2006-10-19 16:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by Joya 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking about "giving her another chance because it is clear that is what she wants"?!?! Am I missing something here? She comes crawling back to you not out of REGRET for hurting you and LOVE for you but because she found out the man she left you for is still married?! She is not remorseful. She just wants the security of being with a man and since the one she really wants (as is evident by the fact she left you) ends up being already taken she's going to "settle" for you. Don't you deserve more than being with somebody who sees you as their 2nd choice?
The only reason you should give her another chance is if YOU want to and YOU feel it's the right thing to do. Not because it's what SHE wants! That said, how could you ever trust her again if you know that she is dishonest, disloyal, untrustworthy, a taker and not flexible." How can you build a relationship on that? So you have a history with her. Cherish the good memories. Forget the bad and don't let her keep you living in the past!
2006-10-19 16:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it funny that she didn't look you up until the time she found out she was lied to and cheated on?
I wouldn't give her another chance unless it would be to get as much as I can out of getting back together again... for example the house... just kidding, there are better things in life than just the material.
Honestly, she is looking you up because she knows she doesn't have any of the qualities a decent man wants, including you. You already gave her a chance and she hung herself, don't go get back with her and hang yourself too!
2006-10-19 16:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by J j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an honest answer from a woman's perspective. The one reason that would be the only reason for taking her back you did not mention. You've already done 14 years of what sounds like hard time. Why would you go back in for more. Find someone who loves you for you not someone who simply wants you back because her fling didn't work out. No do not give her another chance to knock you down.
2006-10-19 16:10:55 · answer #4 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself what it is about her that you actually admire. If the list of things you dislike about her outweighs that list (face it...that list you gave is long and not good..), then you have your answer. You need to ask yourself if you are simply plan "b" because it didn't work out with the guy she left you for.
No relationship can work without trust. I personally would have a hard time giving my husband a second chance if he did the same thing to me. As much as I hate to be a supporter of divorce I suspect that going back to her will only bring you more heartache. Best to you.
2006-10-19 16:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are crazy. Do you like being kicked around? Naturally she'd like another chance, she got dumped and now your better then nothing till the next one. How could you ever trust someone like this? Do you have low self esteem and think your not worthy of anything better then this? Well, you are, no one deserves being treated like she treated you. There is someone way better in this big world that will love you and treat you with respect. While your waiting for that special someone, remember this......better to be alone then married and miserable.
2006-10-19 16:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - do not give her another chance. If you couldn't solve her numerous problems in 14 years, they won't be solved in another 34.
She gave up on you for him. She gave up on him rather than stick through whatever would come. She is being obsessive. Nowhere have you mentioned remorse on her part. AND - she called you to tell you she had been wronged, not to apologize.
Also - Biblically, it is an abomination. 3000 years has not made this an easy choice, but it remains the best choice. NO
2006-10-19 16:10:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you give her another chance because she made the decison to leave you for someone else. Now, that it is not what she thoughtit was, she wants you to take her back. If you have moved on iwth you life, do not entertain the fact of taking her back. She will find someone else down the road to cheat on you with when things are not right in her book. Don't set youself up for failure twice. She wants her cake and eat it too. Don't get back with her just because you feel comfortable with her. Find someone knew and get to know them and get comfortable with them.
2006-10-19 16:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by michellej 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt...she left you before and now its your turn for sweet revenge...jk but anyway the way in which you describe her makes her seem like a shell of a former person, or she may have been this way for awhile...either way some of those bad qualities will rub off on you if you continue to stay with her or may negatively affect you...
Women outnumber men greatly on this vast planet...find another one...like changing a tire...good luck man!
2006-10-19 16:32:38 · answer #9 · answered by stupidreplier1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give her a chance . A chance at venting,maybe,but not at romance. I would just say no,it's easy to fall back into the pattern again (14 yrs) so walk away and leave it up to her to figure out her own life.Stay Strong
2006-10-19 16:26:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋