Abused and Traumatized?? continuation...?

Question

And life went well after all those incidents. I managed to present a strong persona in front of everybody (including those cousins and brothers). I can say that I am a well educated woman. I can express myself the way I wanted to. I am very flexible that I can fit into any kind of crowd. I look presentable enough that I managed to get myself a number of boyfriends and I can proudly say that I was able to keep my virginity intact despite all those abuses I’ve been through. I got married at an early age of 19, became a mom at 20 and now struggling with all the chaos happening within me. Few years back I had cheated on my husband (he was overseas that time) with quite a few number of guys. But there is no emotional relationship whatsoever involved with any of them. There was one guy who I feel in love with to the point of stupidly leaving my family behind to stay with him. I know it was very mean and ***** of me to do that but I just cant reverse the hands of time and undo it. It caused a lot of trouble to both my family and my hubby’s. After 3 months I came to realize that I just cant go on with it. And Im blessed with a great husband that he accepted me back despite everything. Forgiven and forgotten? Im hoping for that. My kids were mum about everything and life goes on for us but we decided to go overseas to avoid all those talks and stares we might be getting. Now Im like facing the same trouble again. I was introduced to this cyber world that brought me more troubles than I can imagine. I got hooked up with it (subconsciously or consciously I don’t know). I had 3 internet affairs which devasted me. Fell in and out of love with different persons through this without meeting them. Until one friend introduced an adult site which I signed in to. And I found myself cheating on my husband again. Im having sex with guys for no reason at all. I don’t feel lust but I just cant say no when they asked. And this has been going on for almost a year now. Please tell me. Am I a sick or what? I cant say I don’t love my family anymore coz I do. But I just don’t know where to draw the courage to resist this temptations im going through now. Please help me.

Answer 1

well, being victimized when young can be a reason or an excuse, depending on whether you learn from it and go on or grovel in self pity, which you certainly don't seem to. It's kind of like a vampire bite, you become somewhat one yourself and don't see the harm as long as you don't do exactly what they did. But you are still reacting, as one bitten does. Talk to the hubby, maybe you need an open marriage, or if that's not agreeable then some therapy? Good luck

Answer 2

I'm confused about what you mean by abused yet kept your virginity
What I'm about to say may sound a bit harsh but bare with me
I don't think your sick, however you are looking for a relationship that you can dominate the way you were if I'm reading you correct

The first thing you need to do is stop the internet games from someone who was on the other side it's very addicting and only leads to heartache you can find what you really want in cyber

you didn't mention if your religious or not if yes talk to your clergy you won't be judged if not stop putting your kids on the spot covering for you and confess to your hubby if your relationship is tight you can work through it with his help

why not try adult games for two (you and your man) and role play both of your fantasies I'll bet you'll be surprised by what he fantasizes about

Answer 3

Sexual abuse in childhood traumatize people in their adult years because the abuser tells the child that there will be trouble if they say anything to anyone, because they the (victim) will not be safe anywhere and the abuser also says, he will be watching you wherever you are (the victim) The abuser instills fear to the victim the (child) and leaves the child scared, afraid, and lost) The abuser becomes like an animal that preys on that child (victim). The child (who is the victim) is no longer a child. The child has been robbed of the imagination of beautiful things, nature of the world, the beautiful creative colors of the environment child fantasies of beautiful children stories, full of great imaginations that a child can dwell on that inspires their curiosity on what a wonderful world we live in fulfilled with fun and no worries. We may as children survive the act we do not understand, but the trauma stays. We need to fight it as we grow older as we once realize what has happened (may be by suffering a breakdown) and seek help to manage our lives as normal human beings. The doubts that set in , the fears that are left within, the trust we need to build, yet, the hope that we could manage to continue with our lives to fulfill our dreams. Seeking support is very helpful. However, very painful to talk about. We need to know we can succeed and not allow the action of the abuser to paralyze our world.

Answer 4

You are not alone, there are many people that are in the same situation or similar and you do not have to be ashame of it, you got to fight it everyday, temptation is an emotion that tamper with your feelings and everything that is around you, start with first making a committment to change your life and allow yourself to take a defferent direction, start praying and ask God to help you to overcome this, this thing that you are going through is not a natural thing that you can beat it in the flesh, you made an attempt to leave and forget it, but it happen again, so now anywhere that you go it will happen againg regardless, the only way is to seek counsel and control your emotions or from the moment that you feel that you are going to do something that is not proper, speak to yourself and stand against the temptations, it will not come overnight, but as you continue to fight and fight, God will see that you are willing to change and he will open a door for you to escape it , if you can get to a KJV- King James Version Bible, look up this scripture, 1 Corinthians 10:13. You have a wonderful family not like many, there are broken and mess up families, but God have kept yours, he love you and the enemy knows that you are valuable, so don't let the things of the flesh get over you, it may be hard at first, but when you continue to fight and fight everyday, you will come out victorious and you can testify to many women out there who later on find their selves in the same situations like you, so look at you situation as a training area to become a better woman, wife and mother to not only to your family, but to others out there, have faith in God, Mark 11:20-26, he will take you through and i am praying and agreeing with you to overcome this.

Answer 5

I really feel for you, I know it is hard, but you are putting yourself in this situation. I think the best thing to do is to avoid whatever it is that is making you make these wrong decisions, internet, or whatever. I am glad you have a very forgiving husband, but I assure you he can only take so much of it. Please pay attention and get a grip of things, before they get even worse. I would also see a counselor if I were you, I am sure it would greatly help you & your family. good luck to you, I hope I was of some help.

Answer 6

You went through life managing to "present yourself" correctly to the world hoping and believing you had all your pain under control. All that self-deception, however, only buried those issues deeper and now they are coming out. You need alot of therapy, alot of looking inside and feeling the pain instead of running. Don't be surprised if you lose all respect from those you love the most. When we don't deal with our issues and feelings, they will manifest themselves in a deceptive and painful way. Good Luck.

Answer 7

think those of us in this world who have been threw allot of abuse,continue the cycle upon ourselves,although you love your husband and family,your always looking for love, I am not sure if its the attention we want or the love ,but we always do and get hurt,my advice is read the courage to heal book, it is one great book and i tell all i know to read it,yes i work with abused women..and was one for many years,and maybe take some self esteem training learn to love you,you were not the bad one,bu the victim,please get some help for you before you end up hurting yourself more by loosing the family you love...good luck and may be find some peace of mind

Answer 8

No you are not sick...You're just stupid! How can you actually say that you love your family...On what grounds? If you loved your husband or even your family how could you do what you did? How could you hurt them the way you hurt them? Not to even mention that your husband forgave you for you un-careless actions the first time around but you are so stupid that you got yourself in the same situation all over again. If I was your husband I'll say f*ck it and move on because you do not deserve him at all! By the way you're STUPID for putting yo' business out like that and you are making an complete a** out of yourself!

Answer 9

I think you should definitely seek counseling. Although you say life went well after your abuse and stuff, it doesn't mean it didn't have a very deep impact on you, even if you didn't feel it was that deep, and it could be what's influencing your behavior now. I think a psychiatrist would be able to help you figure things out and leave this destructive behavior behind for good.

Answer 10

ok, you should see a phsycologist because even though you may feel good at some point in time you are still dealing with that trauma, its good that you told somebody because that helps. also you are having sex because of what happened its a way of the mind to deal with it but it destroys it even more, you have got to look inside and see if you really love your husband and your children and with help youll hopefuly live a normal satisfactory live, anything else. you can ask me