Relationship advice, please?

Question

I am married to someone that I am not in love with anymore and that I absolutely hate, I am only with him for financial security, I was in the process of leaving him but found out I was pregnant and stayed. Well now my baby is 2 months old and I dont want her to grow up around us fighting all the time. Whats the best way to become independent and leave his @$$? (Oh, and I always quit my job and quit college to stay at home with my baby, so I have nothing at all)

*I also...not always*

I did love him at one time but he has gone down hill the past few years and he has become physical with me, bob! He told me to quit everything because we dont want our daughter raised in daycare.

Len74 gets the points....so no new answers are needed.

Answer 1

Ashley, honey, I am going through the same thing. I can tell you what I am doing: I KNOW I will not be with this man and because in my mind I have already put him behind, I am much calmer with him and don't get hurt so much and just focus on peaceful cohabitation for the sake of my child. Meanwhile I plan to go to college and get a degree. And once I am on my feet - goodbye! I know it sounds rough and cruel, and it's not what I wanted for him, me or our child, but it seems like the only way.

Specially if you have a daughter - girls relate to their mothers in a very special way and growing up knowing that your mother is unhappy or sacrificed her happiness in order to give you a father of doubtful value - it's not very good. I grew up like that and that's why I don't want that for my child.

Good luck!

Answer 2

The only way to get away from him is to get a job and find a place of your own. If you can ask your family to help with the baby. I'm sure they would love to spend time with her. Then find a lawyer a file for a divorce. Remember your doing this so she has a happy home without fighting in it, not because she needs both her parents. She will always have a mother and a father, just living in two different homes. Your little girl needs to grow up in a home where there is no fighting. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you know u cant work out your problems, then leave. It would be in best intrest for you and your child. First look inyo a job and maybe if you would like you could have family members take care of your child so you could attend college. Then when you find a stable well paying job and a nice place to settle down in file for a divorce, get child support, but in my oppinion even if you do all this you should still let your husband have a part in helping to raise the child if they are willing to. Maybe in a while you could find a good loving boyfreind to help you financially and also to help raise your baby. If not ask family to help watch your child and maybe look into a daycare school until he/she is old enough to go to real school. But what do I know? I am just a 13 year old kid...Good luck! Hope I helped. Please give me a message soon to tell me how things are going.

Answer 4

Go BACK to college. It is not using your husband for you to advance your education. Afterall, you are the mother of his child and and educated, self-supporting x-wife is better than a broke, burger-slinging X. If you throw yourself into schooling then perhaps you will even find that your husband isn't such a bad guy. Maybe you are just bored at home?

But if you really don't like him, don't abruptly leave. Get the education. Trust me. Also, start sneak-saving some cash every single week if you can. Even if it is just $5 a week. Keep doing it because when you leave it will be extremely hard even if you do have a decent job. I know that sounds underhanded but most women who are stay at home moms or who are just breaking into the career world have a tough time of it and every penny would help.

And, start keeping track of your husbands financial information. Pay stubs, taxes, assets, debt....don't be the blind fool in divorce court. Be informed, be kind, be fair.

But first go back to school and work your butt off...be patient and in a couple of years you will have at least an assoc. degree to lean on.

Answer 5

Get the divorce, a child would rather be from a broken home than live in one. You obviously have no intentions of reconciling. You need to get back in school, for the long term benefits. You and you child will be better off. Get your job back, at least part time, you'll need the money, regardless of any divorce settlement. You will be entitled to family maintenance(Formerly "Alimony") and child support. Don't dwell on it, do it. Think of your baby and your baby's mother. Don't be motivated by fear, it snowballs on you.

Answer 6

I would say to give one more chance to ur marriage for the sake of ur baby....but i'm not there, i'm not in ur shoes. Whatever u want to do, pls, think twice first....u rn't alone any more, there's a child to be raise. I do understand is that it must b difficult to live with some1 u don't love, more than that, u hate. The fact is you loved him before, right?! Try to look for d reason that made you love him in d first place, try to love him back. Is it impossible?! If it is, then girl u are in trouble, cuz as u said, u hv got nothing. How do expect to survive?! Don't do anything for now. Work on ur marriage and on ur own life. Go back to school, ur baby doesn't stop u from studying, u know that. After graduate, and with a job, if u still feel the same way, then, girl, you'll be free like a bird to fly. Before that, on your shoes, i wouldn't do anything, as long as he isn't beating you. Sorry...I'm with you. God bless you

Answer 7

be carefull, look into the laws of your state... about abandonment issues... you leave or he leaves, it makes a difference in the courts... also, start to stick money up in an account in your maiden name... sell or pawn a few little things, here and there... I know this sounds ugly and sneaky, and well it is, but if you have a child, well, it is your responsibility to take care of it until things are settled, and there are ways he can get around support .... so bid your time, look at the laws and talk to a lawyer if at all possible... God bless

Answer 8

discuss the situation with your husband, tell him how u feel. tell him that it is best for the 3 of you to separate, you want to go back to school or get a job. say it calmly, but stern. make the conversation short.

start making plans as to where u r going to live. look for a good day care and get a job. stay with a family member or a friend for now.

start your life over, do not waste anymore of your time staying with him.

think about your daughters future as well as your own.

good luck. you have a rocky road ahead of you. but, do it for all the right reasons.


good luck and. be strong.

Answer 9

First, why the hate?
No one, I mean no one can make you hate.
That emotion comes from inside the individual.

It is not easy becoming a mother, a wife, a head of household. Many, many changes are happening in your life right at this moment. Will additional traumatic changes enhance your life in anyway?

Remember: HATE comes from within. Figure out why you are experiencing hate, then maybe other self awareness answers will shown themselves.

The Hating needs to stop. Release it. Throw it away. Then begin to investigate your fears.

Answer 10

Ask family members for help until you get on your feet. you can put the baby in daycare and go back to work and make a living for yourself and your baby. Don't forget child support.