Ok, these are the facts
we've been together for three years now
he has two children by different women none of which are mine. (although I'm possibly pregnant)
We've recently moved to another state away from both children and mothers.
He claims to want to spend the rest of his life with me but doesn't want marriage and has no feelings towards either of his children's mom whatsoever .
HOWEVER the letter describes him as having no one in his life and doesnt and expresses love for her but states that he doesn't want anyone in his life right now so they will not be together. Also states that he cant "commit to anyone" because of her.
He is currently on child support for only one of his children and the child who is not on any support is the mother he wrote the letter to.
I would appreciate womens opinions should I confront him beings though he purposely hid the letter.
I would appreciate mens comments on maybe an interpretation of what exactly is going through his mind.
2006-10-19 14:54:20 · 12 answers · asked by guestuser 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The letter was written exactly 2 weeks ago and we live together in a different state where neither of us has any family
and why would he move to a totally different state with me where he knows absolutely no one when he had a few opportunities to be with her and be happy together. I have honestly told him if that's what he wants to go right ahead. I've almost encouraged him to be with her but he won't leave. we now live together in my house of course and i believe both of the prior relationships were ended by the women and not him.
2006-10-19 15:21:43 · update #1
Personally I would prepare him an elaborate dinner, all of his favorites. Dress as invitingly as possible. Treat him really nice...you know...sit him down to dinner massage his shoulders before the meal while he's sipping on his favorite beverage. Ask him to reiterate his feeling for me. Then before the main course I would smile lovingly at him asking him...you ready to eat now baby...casually mention how much you believed him when he told you he loved you then serve him the letter on a bed of rotten lettuce in one of those serving dishes you have to lift the lid off of first. Before he actually lifts it make sure your seated ask him to say grace and once that's done tell him to dig in. When you lift your plate is brimming with all the real food and when he opens his...look bewildered and watch him choke...then ask the snake..."Care to explain dear"?
2006-10-19 15:16:22 · answer #1 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
When did he write the letter? Is it dated? Could the letter have been written before you were in the picture? If you know that it was, indeed, written recently (say a month ago) then you probably should find out for sure if you are pregnant, and confront him (non-confrontationally) about it.
At any rate, whenever he did write this letter, I would be concerned not that he wrote it to an ex, but what he said in it. It sounds as though this man is not the commitment type, especially since he has told you that he doesn't want marriage, AND that he has children with two other women, and he has no relationship with either child, AND he doesn't pay child support for one of the children.
He doesn't sound like the kind of man who will be there for you when you need him.
2006-10-19 15:04:17 · answer #2 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like that you want opinions from both sexes--it shows you're introspective. The fact that he's been in multiple relationships that bore children and that he is away from his kids now, shows an inability to form a bond and perhaps a lack of responsibility and obligation. If he has none for his biological children, what makes you think he really has the ability to have it with you or anyone, for that matter? He knows how to make kids but he doesn't seem to know how to 'be there' for them. He left himself 'an out' with you by not marrying you and has the audacity to impregnate you. He talks a good game but it's all talk, in my opinion. Be very very careful.
2006-10-19 15:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
MY THOUGHTS your a BIG OL FOOL! This man has left two kids already only supports ONE do you honestly think he'll stick about for the baby you might have? He has a record of making kids and running off. MY GOD YOU PICKED A WINNER! aS FOR THE LETTER let him go he's a dead beat and a loser he moved away from his babies is not paying support for one of them. You should pray your not pregnant and learn from this mistake. if the child of his own flesh mean so little he up and moves and dose not support them what do you think you mean to him//?????????????
2006-10-19 15:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you. This man you are with, sounds totally unworthy and can't be trusted. But on the other hand, we don't know the full story.
A confrontation if you want a make it or break it event. But if he is a liar, you can't get far.
You know him better than any of us, so sit down and think deeply, whatever your decision, we wish you the best of luck.
If you want to be with him, then trust him fully. Women usually have very good six sense, use it.
2006-10-19 15:09:33 · answer #5 · answered by j t 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree, he might be trying to avoid making support payments. And probably he means it that he can not commit to marriage. He could be reply to her letter and request to him about money and that could be the reason he wrote that letter. Talk to him about. It doesn't sound like he is betraying you, but possible that person might want to be back with him. Don't be angry, just tell him you saw the letter. No need to worry, you two live far away from the others.
2006-10-19 15:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by wondering 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would definitely confront him. He doesnt sound like someone I'd want to waste time on. If he cannot commit to anyone because of her, then why is he stringing you along?
I'd for it to be that the reason hes writting this letter is to stay on her good side so he doesnt have to pay but thats completely possible.
2006-10-19 14:59:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be with a man who's not paying child support for all his kids and on top of that he moves out of State... making it harder for his kids to have visitations with their dad...not forgettiing the fact you found a letter to one of the kid's mother --- exactly why would you want to be with a man who's a con artist? (and you maybe pregnant?) lady, you can't be serious about making a future with him?
2006-10-19 15:13:53 · answer #8 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do instead of wondering about it is to confront him about it directly --- then I would be re evaluating your relationship if thats the way he's going to be.
2006-10-19 16:05:46 · answer #9 · answered by Erica M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im a hard-core black woman and I ask questions like who wrote this letter( make it seem like he didn't write it ) then if he denies it go for it. I know u wrote this damn letter,..;......etc. lol
2006-10-19 15:05:51 · answer #10 · answered by ashley14 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋