I married the first time at 18 and the marriage lasted almost2years. That was me that wanted out. The second time I was 21, that one was also almost 2 years. But he cheated and ended the marriage. The 3rd time I was 28, I'm still married for going on 10 1/2 years. He says he's not happy, but when the kids and I left to moved back home without him. He decided to come back too 2 weeks later. He quit his job and came home to us. Is that a man that isn't happy and don't want to be with me or what? Before I left I asked him if we had to rush into a divorce, he said no. Most of the time it seems like we are trying to make things better, sometimes no. Expecailly when he talks to 1 of his sister it seems like he changes. He almost treats her like she is his wife more than me. He has to call her almost everyday(she lives in a different state). He seems to mop around if he don't talk to her for awhile or she seems not to answer his calls.
2006-10-19 14:26:42 · 16 answers · asked by desprite 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not a loser...Just a bad judge of character...and that's not always true since people DO change.
Since he's not "happy", I'd make him get off his ***, get out of my house and get a job. He needs to be a better example for his children whether you two are together or not.
2006-10-19 14:32:06 · answer #1 · answered by Tee ! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't judge yourself too harshly Darlin' sometimes we as individuals have to keep at it until we get it right, no matter what the circumstance is. It would appear that your first two marriages were in haste, you were in love and did what you felt was natural. Marriage while it takes a lot of work and commitment doesn't always make things better for a relationship but it is again an effort. As per your description your husband and you have been at this marriage for quite a while. We all need a third party (be it a pastor, therapist, freind) to turn to at times. His obviously is his sister, their close. I understand how disturbing it is for you that he discussing your marital issues with her and not you. Perhaps you can try inquiring with her what it is he's so miffed about and between the two of you can come up with a more reasonable solution to what's ailing him. That is ofcourse if you have a relationship with her that will enable this.
You have children and a husband and are entitled to the best in life, I would advise taking things one day at a time. If the end result is divorce, mourn, heal and move on Sister. We don't need men to define us as women. I am sure things will turn out for the best which ever way that cookie crumbles. I am routing for you. Your family will be in my prayers. Best of luck. Remember You Are Not A Loser, many women haven't even had the fortune of marrying even once...You gorgeous have done it three times! You Go Girl!
2006-10-19 21:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't allow your entire self to be defined by the choices you made as far as marriages go. It is wrong to call yourself a loser just because you have tried 3x and failed. This last marriage actually sounds like it has a chance of working out. The real question is now, do you want it to? You need to have an honest talk with your husband and find out what's the deal with his relationship with his sister. Let him know that YOU are his wife and your relationship would do better if the two of you were discussing it and not him discussing it with an outside party. Other family members always have their own agenda. Yours & your husband's agenda should be the same - stay together, love each other, raise your kids together. Anyone who tries to break that up needs to be cut out of your lives.
God bless you & your family!
2006-10-19 21:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, no. Not a total loser, but it does says something about your commitment to making marriage work or your choice of partners. But having said that, I can understand the previous divorce you have. 18 is kinda young n u may not know what you want. If the other party cheated then, its perfectly fine to divorce, but u might want to think about why he cheated, or get some insights from there on why you current hubby is not happy.
Don't take divorce likely especially when you have children. Ifs natural for someone to be close to their sibling. Hey at least he is calling a sister and not a lover everyday. May be there is some emotional needs that his sister help him meet...i.e someone to talk to, care about him. Don't think about divorce at this stage, concentrate on how to make your marriage better, may be get a therapist/consellor.. There are also some sites that have good resources on how help troubled marriage. Here are some:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20030507-000001&page=1
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
Good luck!
2006-10-19 21:42:06 · answer #4 · answered by peaceful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a loser and never will be -- I married at 18, it lasted 3 years , ( high school sweetheart ) again at 24, ( meet at work ) it lasted 3 months- she wanted away from mom and dad, again at 26, meet through a friend,it lasted 1 year ( she liked my house , money , my status at work ) and tried to get it in the divorce-- didn't happen ---- and last at 41, still married, two kids 9 and 4-- life throws you alot of curves and you just keep swinging
your hubby needs to talk to you and not his sister- you are suppose to be his life and love , he should not need help from sis-- sorry to hear of your problems but it will again get better-- good luck and stay safe
2006-10-20 06:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by Ladder Captain-29 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not wrong to get divorced more than 3 times and some people need to keep thier comments to thierselves such as your first response ignore people that have no clue because they havent been where u are. You might need to go if things don't get better because if hes not happy he will eventually make u unhappy and then your kids will catch on to it and see something is wrong and that isnt good for them either the best thing to do is to sit down and have a talk and findo out what he is telling his sister or call her yourself because u should be the one he confides in not her. best of luck to you. i hope this helps .
2006-10-19 21:35:55 · answer #6 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say a "total loser," but it sounds like you make bad decisions when it comes to your relationships. You made a good decision by waiting at least a year between your 2nd and 3rd marriages.
I don't think you need to get jealous over your husband's relationship with his sister. It's not like he's going to cheat on you with her, and he probably needs someone to talk to other than you.
If you want it to work then you should take the neccesary steps to fix your relationship. If you don't care anymore, then get out.
2006-10-19 21:32:26 · answer #7 · answered by smellyfoot ™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just got off to a bad start at 18 and never really had time to identify with who you were before you entered into the 2nd and 3rd marriage. Don't spend your days worrying yourself silly about it. All you can do is just try to improve yourself from this point on. Good Luck and God Bless you
2006-10-19 21:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by adkfoaiefnafedw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You blame yourself for the behavior of others and see yourself in such negative terms. Go lighter on yourself. You were sooooo young. Your biggest problem isn't that you've gotten divorced several times and now perhaps again; your biggest problem is that you seem to marry almost impulsively. Take your time with your life, especially with important life decisions. Life is not an emergency. Also, choose men who aren't boys.
2006-10-19 21:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage councilor . There is hope for this marriage. get your husband to go with you. Also be sure to tell the marriage councilor about your husband's interest in your sister.
2006-10-19 21:51:41 · answer #10 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋