My 14 y/o's best friend has had a really hard year. Her 18 y/o brother passed away suddenly on the last day of his senior year in highschool. He was her entire world! It's only been 5 months since his death, and things at home have deteriorated rapidly. Her mother has become very abusive to her, mostly verbally but she has slapped her across the face several times.
Last weekend, the mother kind of lost it. Told her daughter that she hated her, that we hated her, and then packed all their belongings and said she's moving them several states away. With everything that this poor child has gone through recently, she has become extremely depressed. She has cut herself a few times, and is threatening to commit suicide if they move.
I don't know who to talk to about this! I'm afraid that if I go to her mom it will only make it worse as her mothers not in her right mind. I would appreciate any advice on this. Do I go to CPS, the school, who? I just found all this out tonight.
2006-10-19 13:57:10 · 17 answers · asked by Injustice sucks 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you to everyone for your care and concern. I thought that CPS is who I should go to but I really wasn't sure. But I will contact them ASAP.
And I have offered a couple of times to let her move in with us. She wants to but her mother won't allow it.
2006-10-19 14:22:51 · update #1
Talk to someone quick. If the mom hit her, that is abuse and just plain not right. Tell the girl that she can stay with you for a while. She needs a little love and a good home environment where she can feel safe. Contact a therapist, counselor anyone. This could turn into a horrible situation, if you don't act fast.
2006-10-19 14:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by clarebear 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My first suggestion was to go to her parents, but this sounds like it won't work and might even cause more harm. If you go to the school they may not do anything about it because it is "here-say" and from a third party. The best thing to do would be to call CPS and tell them what is going on. If the mother is not protecting the daughter that is neglect. And CPS doesn't always take kids away, sometimes they mandate therapy and an assessment for her suicidal behavior. This sounds harsh, but if the daughter actually hurt herself or worse yet, killed herself, there's no going back. Better to help her now when you can.
2006-10-19 14:05:16 · answer #2 · answered by Me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the girl. You could be her friend. Be careful about making her a bigger burden by involving people that will make her mum blame her more. She needs comfort and someone who can understand her. Talk with her and try to find out how she feel that she could get a better situation. Maybe the best thing you could do for her now is just to be that sane adult person who will listen and comforts her. If it doesn't work out, maybe contact a teacher or others, but be careful of putting her in a situation where her mother is put in a bad light and the girl still have to stay with her.
If her mother wants to move and the girl continues to say that she will commit suicide if that happens, be prepared to let her stay with you or someone else she feels comfortable with, so she has another escape than killing herself if she's forced to moving.
2006-10-19 14:27:35 · answer #3 · answered by ayla_sim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to have the girl stay with you for a few weeks.. Her mom sounds like she is still mourning her son... Death has a way of throwing everything out of perspective..
Get ahold of the school, get her into counselling and the school and if they feel a professional outside school is needed, then get the Mom involved. It probably wouldn't be a bad theing for the rest of their family. Do not wait, act immediately, these kids are so unpredictable and she is probably so low...
See if you can get her to sleep over at your house tonight... that way she has a friend close by and you won't have to worry so much... You might even get a chance to talk to the girl with your daughter present.....If she is really being abused then CPS is the definite answer... This girl needs help... now....
2006-10-19 14:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This girl needs to get some professional help - definitely talk to the school counselor and see if there is some way that they can help her. That is part of what they are paid to do. If the physical abuse continues, and especially if it escalates, do contact protective services.
Do not talk to that girl's mother. She needs some serious help herself. It sounds like she has never come to grips with losing her son and is taking all her grief and anger out against her daughter. I am afraid that it will only make matters worse for your daughter's friend.
Above all, please let the girl know that she has "sanctuary" at your home - someplace she can go to be safe and feel taken care of. She has her own grief over losing her brother, she doesn't need the treatment that she is getting now.
2006-10-19 14:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would call the local suicide hotline and tell them the situation and to see if they can offer any advice, if they cant I would turn to CPS and the school she goes to, there are grief counselors and goups they can join that will help get though such a sad and horrible time. Her mother would feel horrible to lose 2 children in less than six months time, she needs to wake up and deal with her family and sounds like she needs to talk to someone as much as her daughter does. I hope everything works out and that they get though this.
Teresa
2006-10-19 14:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by teresawol 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't go to CPS, as the child will end up more traumatized being taken from her mother's home and put into a group home or foster home.......unless you could make some sort of arrangement with them to let her stay with you.....the mother does need help though.....so that she won't hurt the child anymore........Definitely talk to someone (a trusted teacher, the principal) at the school......see if they have any ideas.....Good luck....please keep me posted!! I don't know ya'll, but I'll be praying for everyone involved!!
2006-10-19 14:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The mother and daughter need to get into counseling to deal with the grief. The mother is not dealing with the loss to well and it seems that she is taking it out on the daughter for losing the son. The mother is wrong for abusing the girl. Counseling will help them through the pain.
2006-10-19 14:52:55 · answer #8 · answered by michellej 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to DHS immediately. See if they can send a case worker out to evaluate the living terms. You can also see if your daughters best friend will speak up and tell the case worker what has been going on and then perhaps you can have temporary custody over the child. Or, they can find a better guardian for her for the time being.
2006-10-19 13:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, take it from me, im 17 and ive been depressed a lot, mostly about family. and i would say go to the authorities and say u want to really help that kid out before it is too late, report that abuse about her mom,and do somethin about that seriously, mainly u could save that kids life, because, trust me, suicide is not the way to go. One thing she can also do is pray, have faith in God, because he answers prayers, and may not come when u call him, but he's always on time. get that child go to court or somethin, maybe u can take care of her and get a restraining order from her mom, just some thoughts i have, tryna help ya out here. and this child needs to feel that she is loved, and show that person that, because they may think no one loves them and so on and so forth. i would say report it try to get custody of her.
2006-10-19 14:12:17 · answer #10 · answered by Im So Rad 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋