She is married, and hasn't been able to have sex yet and can't go through a pap either. She starts to shake and clench up whenever there is a chance for "penetration". She says that she has no control over it. Her husband understands, but she feels like she is worthless as a wife. She does not remember much about the abuse, and really does not want to. Is there therapy that would help her, or do you suggest hypnotism? She has even considered letting him tie her down and force her, but is afraid that besides not helping everytime after, it would cause her to sub-conciously become frightened of her husband. Plus, she needs to be able to go through a physical exam. I feel bad for her, and want to give hergood advice. Is what she is going through common? I have never heard of someone being unable to control the muscles from clenching and spasming.
2006-10-19 10:15:14 · 12 answers · asked by sabby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is a physical exam necessary at this time for her? I didn't think that she could have any physical problems since she isn't sexually active. She hasn't had any sexual contact since she was abused as a child.
2006-10-19 10:27:16 · update #1
the best way to help is to encourage her to seek help from a trained professional who knows how to handle these situations the right way
2006-10-19 10:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by kimbersweet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good Lord. this is really quite serious. The worst part about this is that it clearly is a sub-conscience reaction to something that she clearly does not want to remember. But I am afraid that the only way to get to the bottom of this is extensive therapy. that would include drug induced treatment or hypnotism that would drag these things to the surface. probably not to a point where she would remember what occurred or what she said during the therapy but certainly to an extent that a doctor can get to the bottom of this and start from there.
And for God's Sake....don't let her do the tying-down thing! That sounds like a cure from the Middle Ages or something. Forcing her to engage in sex. i think even her husband would nix that method. I know that I would. If her husband understands talk with him. Between the two of you it should help her to go through with this.
The best of luck to you and especially her.
2006-10-19 10:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was also sexually abused as a child so I know what your friend is going through. Luckily, I had good friends like you who listened. For me - talking worked and I was able to put the experience behind me and regain a healthy attitude toward my sexuality by my mid 20's.
She needs to seek professional counseling. Talking about it with someone - anyone - is how we begin to heal. She probably remembers more than she's letting on, but might feel like it's her fault. She might feel too ashamed to remember. She also DOES need to see a doctor for an exam. There are a lot of female health problems that can occur even without sexual contact. So this is really adversely affecting her, possibly her health, and possibly her relationship with her husband.
The only way she's going to be able to move on from this is by wanting to be helped and wanting to help herself. It sounds to me like she needs professional help at this point. As a friend, you can listen, but you can also encourage her to see someone who can help her. Don't push - just suggest it. If she refuses, drop it. After this - there isn't much you can do to help her if she doesn't want to be helped.
2006-10-19 10:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by swordarkeereon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having her recall the events will not necessarily help her get over them. Sometimes when everyone else has moved on, the victim is ready to talk months later. Offer to go with her, for an STD test, that's just drawing blood. I don't know what you'd be looking for with a pap smear anyway because that's a cancer test.
Maybe she could get on an antianxiety drug in the meantime.
2006-10-19 10:20:59 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why in Gods name did this poor soul get married, being as though sexual fulfillment is a for a husband. I am not trying to be rude or cruel, I empathize w/your friend, I can't imagine having to wear her shoes, BUT.....why get married w/these kinds of issues unresolved? It's only a matter of time before her husband has a whore on the side.....if he doesn't already. She needs intensive therapy.
2006-10-19 10:42:12 · answer #5 · answered by NURSING FOR LIFE!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it must be horriffic for your friend and my heart goes out to her. She is in an awful situation and tbh I don't think that yahoo Q&A is the place to look for answers as this type of thing has so many different angles that it is impossible to answer. Therapy is probably the best bet. As for the thing you mentioned mid-article FORGET that straight away, That is idiotic in the extreme and will only add to your friends agony. She needs REAL professional help unfortunately
2006-10-19 10:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her husband needs to understand that this was a very traumatic experience and is hard to overcome but with his help and the help of a good friend you can get her to see a phsycologist. They are trained professionals who deal with this everyday and she can trust them their not going to tell anyone about his its called confidentiality. Yourself or her husband need to go with her if she is most comfortable she needs to let this go. She has gone this long without help that it still haunts her and is affecting her marriage. She doesnt need him to force himself on her because that will just traumatize her even more. Just be there love her and listen to her when she needs to talk. She needs a good friend and someone she can trust please help her get past this and go on with her life she needs to be free.
2006-10-19 13:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your friend. But she needs more help than you or her husband can give her she needs to talk to a specialist that deals with her situation, which is unfortunately all too popular these days. I hope it works out for her and she is very lucky to have u n her husband. God Bless
2006-10-19 10:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What helped me was going to a "shrink". Being able to talk it out helped me get it out of my system. I had been able to make love to my husband, he just was a little more careful and tender. Let her talk to you about it, it is nice having a friend to talk to you about things like this. You are a great friend.
2006-10-19 10:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to help her is to strongly encourage that she be seen by a professional counselor.
2006-10-19 10:31:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋