I lost a baby back in 1986 and cannot, since then, get pregnant. Dr's said that there's nothing really wrong with me....I'm, well, how much older now? I can't get pregnant...it breaks my heart everytime I think of it and for some reason I just cannot get over it. I'm a very private type of person and cannot talk well with strangers, ( face-to-face) and I wondered, if there is anyone out there that has a simular problem, please write to me, tell me something that will ease this unGodly pain, something to help me get through this. To add: I'm getting too old to have a baby and my husband doesn't agree with adoption, other than the obvious, my blood type thing, i don't know why he wont adopt. I'm adopted...he seems to like me just fine.
2006-10-19 08:55:23 · 10 answers · asked by sred 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
you know, I think the thing that's worst of all...I have always blamed myself, because at first, I didn't want it. It's a good thing that you all can't see or hear me right now...I'd never be able to say it calmly. and The last time I spoke of adopting to my husband, it was almost a week later before he talked to me.......
2006-10-19 10:00:22 · update #1
and too, i can tell you almost word for word and reaction to reaction, the exact events of that day and the day before it happened. I can still remember the feelings I had when I woke up after the D&C and also what I was thinking when I told my husband (ex now) that I'd lost the baby....I can still feel the pain, 20 years, 4 months, 13 days and 8 1/2 hours ago................
2006-10-19 10:21:38 · update #2
I am so sorry to hear about the baby you lost in 1986. I too, have lost babies and it takes time to heal from their loss.
I would like to suggest that you speak to someone - a counsellor or therapist because you really need some help with this situation. I know you still mourn the death of your baby, but sometimes people get "stuck" in grief and just need a little help to move ahead.
Check to see if your community has Grief & Bereavement organizations to help people in your situation, believe me, they do wonderful work and it really helps to know that there are people who really do understand what you are going through.
I am a volunteer with a Bereavement organization and I run groups for people who have experienced the loss of a loved one.
Before 1980 I experienced two miscarriages
my father died suddenly in 1989 (age 65)
my brother died suddenly in 1990 (age 39)
my husband developed cancer in 1990 and died in 1992 (age 40)
my father-in-law died in 1993 (sick for many years)
my sister-in-law died in a auto accident in 1994 (age 27)
I remarried and lost a 20 week baby in 1998
Body, mind, spirit, work in strange ways together, heal your spirit and your mind, and pray that you body responds.
By the way, have you considered becoming a Foster Parent? There are so many children out there who need the care and support of a loving home. Maybe your hubby would have to change his attitude towards children who are not his own, but it is something you might think about.
God Bless and may things work out for you.
2006-10-19 13:05:40 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally lost a baby in 2001 and I was 6 months pregnant when it happened. It was the most devastating thing that had ever happened to me. It is now 2006 and I still think about it. I'm not sure if you can ever really get over it. After all the baby was apart of you and losing it, at least for me, was just as hard as losing a loved one. I am now married and my husband and I are trying to have a baby. It was scary for me at first because all I could think about was losing another baby, but thankfully my husband has been very supportive of the whole situation. As for you and your husband, just be completely honest with him about how you feel. It is not easy, but he will not understand unless you do. As for adopting, I think that adoption is a wonderful thing. If you really want to adopt and your husband doesn't maybe he needs more time to think it through. It is a big decision, just like having a baby. I think just talking to your husband is going to help you out the most. I wish you the best.
2006-10-19 16:11:11 · answer #2 · answered by rainydayislandgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. I had a girl friend happened to her. 8 months pregnant the child was still born (spina bifida) She didn't get pregnant again, until 8 years later, she had given up on ever having children again. Now she has 2 healthy boys. The pain of losing her daughter will always be there though.
I'm having a real hard time about the husband not agreeing with adoption. What the hell is that about? My X was kind of the same way...I quote, "I don't want someone else's f......g baby" was what he told me, after all my fertility treatments failed. He wanted children, on the condition that they were his own. So I eventually dumped his a$$.
2 months after my divorce was finalized, I got pregnant. Not his of course and Thank God. But it seems that my body was rejecting him because of his unwillingness to be receptive to other ways of having a child. You'd be surprised at how your mind, body and soul are all connected. And feelings will effect your health and your ability to conceive.
2006-10-19 16:18:38 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your loss, I understand completlety how you feel to a degree. I lost my baby at 40 weeks and I can't desbribe the pain. It will alway be with you and I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to have more children. life can be very cruel. my thoughts are with you. I know you said yu are older but I was desperate to have another baby after I lost him and found it difficult to get pregnant, then I would lose them to miscarriage. I finally had a healthy girl when I was 40 and a boy when I was 42. this might gives you a little hope
2006-10-19 17:10:53 · answer #4 · answered by cino_bean 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I'm so sad to hear you had to go through that. It's been a long time now, altough I've never been to something like that, I think you have to let it go now, you have grieved enough. Sometimes we don't understand God plans for us, but He means things for a reason. Pray a lot, ask Him to make you strong and to give you enough force in your soul to move ahead...maybe to soften your husbands heart so he will be ok for adoption. I do think you should talk it over with your husband again, tell him how wonderful would be to give love to a baby that doesn't have a family. Don't let him just say no, fight for what you want, I think you deserve it. Good luck honey.
2006-10-19 16:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by Baby Ruth habla español 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your loss... Grieving is the only way that you will ever be able to move on. Grieving only makes us stronger and living each day to the fullest. God took your child away for a reason that we will never understand. I know what you are going through...I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and I still get upset about the whole thing time and time again...because now i have been trying to conceive again for 6 months and nothing... In time God will Bless us with another baby, but it will be on his time not ours.. .Please continue to pray and it will happen... Relax and have faith and hope because without them you will have lost everything.... These are the only things that keep me going...
2006-10-19 16:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by DO IT! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adopt, you will not regret it. You will love your adopted child as much as the baby that you lost. If your husband really cares for you he'll agree to adoption. Good luck.
2006-10-19 16:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe there's something wrong with him, instead of you and that's why he doesn't want to adopt. He wouldn't want it in his face that he couldn't reproduce. It could also be your emotions. If you're really trying to get pregnant, it might be restricting you from doing so.
I know several ladies who have gotten pregnant throughout their 40s.
2006-10-19 16:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by sillylittlemen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to hear this hun, i miscarried this year:( but i have fait that i will able to try again but know that it will happen when t happens, just try to convince him to adopt, i wish u the best of luck
2006-10-19 15:59:27 · answer #9 · answered by Victoria 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very very sorry and I bet you would be an excellent mother. I don't know why bad things hapen to good people.
2006-10-19 16:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋