I am 25 and my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. Recently we got engaged and now I have called it off because the thought of marriage scares the life out of me. It is not a matter of if I love her or not, is just that marriage is a life altering thing, and I don't feel ready for it yet. Please help!
2006-10-19 08:27:59 · 27 answers · asked by badbasco423 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you should be having this conversation with HER not us. tell HER how you feel. she probably feels the same
2006-10-19 08:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by tampico 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that the decision to enter a marriage is life altering, and you are absolutely right to be careful. If you feel you're not ready, it's much better that you were honest about that now rather than after you've got the wife, house, and kids.
It's completely normal to feel freaked out by getting married. That only shows that you take marriage very seriously. It can be tough to be honest when we know we're hurting someone we care about, but sometimes the best thing you can do in love is hurt someone now so they won't be more hurt later. That you were honest with her shows maturity and good judgement. It's good that you know yourself well enough to realize you're not ready yet. One day, you will be.
Blessings to you, and I wish you the best.
2006-10-19 15:35:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings, but I have some advice. It is easy to get "comfortable" in a relationship where you care about the person very deeply. HOWEVER. I would take this "cold feet" thing a little more seriously. Often in a situation like this, being scared = being unsure. And if you are unsure, get out of the relationship. Because you are just wasting your time, and hers. You should be "sure" after 2.5 years. I have seen countless friends who are used to "playing the field" meet someone and IMMEDIATELY know they want to be with this person forever. If you are not ready, you are not ready. And dig a little deeper within yourself to figure out why... the "life-altering" thing is an excuse, I think.
2006-10-19 15:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by stillstanding 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand. If you love her and wanna be with her then why not get married. Marriage is not life altering. It should come natural to you both if your really in love. On the other hand, it's good that your not going through with it right now if your not ready. Many people end up divorced because of these things.
2006-10-19 15:31:29 · answer #4 · answered by It's a secret 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel ready yet, then don't get married! Tell her how you feel. Maybe you can still date and just wait a little longer until that special day, or go your seperate ways. If she doesnt want to wait, either get married now if you really love her, or don't if you don't. Marriage is a big commitment, and you should wait until you are ready. Dont risk getting married and then get divorced next year.
2006-10-19 15:32:37 · answer #5 · answered by AndyMan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn.. Guys are so werid about getting married. Wonder how less of a person she feels now that you called it off. The man of her dreams the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.... and no he calls it off? Maybe there is another woman? Im sure she has tons of things going thru her head. Your supposed to be a man... So try growing some balls.
If you love her enough to spend the rest of your life with her... Then do it! Or it might be to late once you make up your mind.
2006-10-19 15:34:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's very natural and anyone who has gotten married has felt the very same thing you are feeling.
Some might not be as bothered by it like you are but we have all been there and done that.
If you love her, let her know it. Make sure she knows why you are holding back. It might surprise you when you find out she might possibly be nervous too.
Marriage is a very big step and a wonderful part of life.
Good luck to you!!!!
2006-10-19 15:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by kitt_kattkitt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So why did you ask her to marry you in the first place? I think you have been listening to a lot of uninformed outside sources who have scared you into thinking that marriage is the end of fun in a relationship. Marriage is the exact opposite. If you love her and want to be with her for the rest of your life, I see no reason why you should not stand before God and celebrate this occasion with supporting friends and family.
I'd also suggest that you rethink your decision very quickly before you hurt her feelings, and she decides that she no longer wants to be with you out of your fear for commitment.
I think this is a typical case of cold feet.
2006-10-19 15:31:54 · answer #8 · answered by J L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u don't feel ready to be married then by all means DON'T. I am married right now and totally not happy and been cheated on.Trust me its no boat to end up in. And if she truly loves you then she will understand that u just want to wait and make sure that you two are soul mates.But if its really cause you dont love her or cant see your self together forever then you should be honest with her also.
2006-10-19 15:43:23 · answer #9 · answered by skybaby226 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not ready than don't do it. But you need to explain this to your gilfriend. Make sure she understands that you want to marry her and you love her to death- you just need more time to get prepared for marriage. But you should be prepared to have a girlfriend that feels rejected and hurt. If you want her to stick with you- you need to make sure that you do whatever it takes to show her that you love her. Maybe you will realize that marriage isn't so bad. It just means that you can't sleep or date other women. Good luck.
2006-10-19 15:37:08 · answer #10 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you got engaged you should have thought about this. I am 22 and my girlfriend is pressuring me to get married and I won't lie to you, when I think about it, it scares the hell out of me. I know I love her but how will I know if I'm truly ready? I don't think I'll ever know all I need to know is that she loves me too and we will be happy together forever.
2006-10-19 15:31:34 · answer #11 · answered by ybot84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋