While "they" are gone?

Question

Ok, while the haters have been distracted by Yahoo! Doing its job here is a real question that I have wanted to ask but haven’t because of the haters.

For the gay people: what is your opinion of the Transgender people in our community? I have posted in my answers a few times that my wife is a Female to Male transgender and will someday be my husband, we both often feel persecuted by members of the GLBT community, which is the one place that we should be safe. I would really like honest opinions; I would love to know what thoughts are behind all the stares or smiles that we get at GLBT events.

while I am thankful for your support, and applaud a "don't judge" stance, I would really like to know an honest raw opinion, first impressions on sight etc.

To the It girl - We are already married :-). We live in Mass, where it is legal. Everybody come to Mass!

Thank you all for such amazing answers, I did not think it was possible here with all the hate. I am letting my spouse pick the best answer, so the one selected should feel extra honored.

Answer 1

I harbor no ill will or bad feelings toward the T's in the GLBT community. I have also been witness to some of these feelings and actions that you describe, and have thought a lot about it. For a community that should be banning together, there is still animosity toward each other.

In thinking about this issue, I think that one of the central issues that many people in our community struggle with is gender identity. Now don't get me wrong, I think many of us have a better grasp of gender identity than our hetro counterparts. However, there has been a lot of questioning of gender identity in many of our lives. Also, we've had to defend our choice of gender identity. So, when we hear that someone is switching from one gender to the other I think it causes a lot of confusion which can quickly turn to fear and hate.

Also, I think that in a situation like yours that from the outside it could be perceived that the two of you are going from a lesbian couple to a straight couple. And the animosity may stem from feeling that you two are betraying your lesbian roots. (I do not think this at all, I am only positing some reasons for these negative reactions.)

I am so sorry that you have experienced such intolerance from people who should remember what this intolerance feels like. I hope that you find that not all of the community is against you and find the people that will accept and support both of you for who you are and who you will be.

I hope that this helped in some way. Stay strong. And remember how blessed you are to have each other. (Hey, maybe the animosity is jealousy of the two of you having such a strong committed relationship to each other.)

Answer 2

Usually, my stance on transgender issues is to be neutral, as-in, not demonize nor glorify, but always advocate psychological assistance because it can be rough.

Personally, my raw unfiltered opinions can differ from that. A very close friend of mine was a lipstick lesbian. I went away to Europe for a while, came back, and that person was a man with more hair than me. The new person, he was completely different than when he was a she, new personality, new outlook, new everything. It was hard for me, to say the least. I miss her. He is different, though, and we still deeply care for each other, but the basis of our friendship became no longer there. In another case, I met a girl after the transition and so was always able to think of her as a her and it's never been a problem.

Another issue I have with the trans community are those who might not have been trans but went that route because they were too "femme" or too "butch" for normal and people told them that they were trans when they were just simply gay yet effeminate or lesbian yet butch. In other words, if someone were born and had to have emergency sexual assignment and they were assigned the wrong sex, or someone who's had the opposite hormones through their bodies since puberty, those are the cases that are "more believable" for transgenderism for me than someone in their twenties who realizes they're transgender.

See, for me, as a brand of a feminist, I think that gender is irrelevant. You can be gay and feminine, lesbian and masculine, and it's okay. I think that to some degree many in the LGBT community are bi-gendered. So, when people tell me that they are transgendered, to me, it doesn't make sense. Transexual, that is another thing entirely. I think that gender is an act, gender is a role, and gender doesn't mean anything anymore as we break out of cultural norms.

Basically, there are some who are sincere about being born the wrong sex and there are people who have been taught that they are the wrong gender and so should be the opposite sex, which I find to be wholly a lie.

This is just how I perceive things, though. I have met some awesomely wonderful, caring, gracious trans people and love them. I tried my best to give to you an honest opinion; I hope that you don't hate me for it. All my best to you and to your partner.

Answer 3

I think for most people who have not been exposed at all to anyone who is transgendered, like myself, I think it would initially come as a shocking surprise. Anything different from "the norm" is always fascinating to most people. The difference is how that fascination is portrayed publicly. I will not sit here and tell you that I understand the transgendered mindset fully primarily because I am so comfortable with my own femininty. HOWEVER...my partner is truely a tormented soul in many ways. Not so much now but more so in her younger years as a kid and young adult. She TRUELY feels as though she is a man trapped in a female body. She went through hell as a child, an older kid, and teen because of "being different". She's not feminine. Never has been and never will be. But with all these life experiences she has learned to accept that this is the hand she's been dealt and will not change who she is. I don't understand this mind set and the trapped feeling because I have never lived it. For those, like your wife, I truely do sympathize and would hand out as much support as I could regardless of whether I understand or not.

Answer 4

Honestly I think in our community the stares and the smiles are NOT negative - first off a smile is a smile - a good sign. When I see people out and theya re 'corssing barriers' I get extremeley happy. I can't help but smile and I do tend to look a moment longer. I want to drink the the beauty of what I see, because I do not see it often enough. I would only be concerned with laughing and pointing. Sometimes I want to run up and hug certain people because just by them 'being them' they are making my world brighter. They are pushing the envelope a litte farther and the next generation will have it so much easier. You and your spouse are just sort of people!

Answer 5

First off you should know I have 3 friends who are in transition, 1 F to M, the other two M to F. Secondly, and I will honest with you, I find sometimes the transition of one partner to be a little off or confusing. I mean no disrespect, but I honestly don't understand the concept. I have asked some of my Trans friends, and they do their best to explain, but ultimately I have come to believe it doesn't matter if I don't understand so much as I don't make them or myself uncomfortable. I think too often many in the GLTB community forget that just as we say to heterosexuals; "you can't understand if you aren't gay" so too does this statement apply to you and your situation. In the end I can only be understanding and supportive, to be otherwise would dilute the waters of brotherhood and sisterhood that we have fought so hard to have.

As I said, I may sometimes be confused by it, but I cannot let that take away from either knowing, loving or just being with a person who just happens to be as different as I am. I know my answer is probably not making much sense but I hope it offers some insight.

Answer 6

I'm transgendered as well, and most of the time the treatment I get from the gay community is either like "I can only imagine what it's like but I support" or "oh, yeah, we care about you too... close the door on your way out." (The first I see more online, the second is more common in the 'real' world.)

But every once in a while I meet someone who thinks I'm just pretending to be a girl cause I can't handle being a gay man...

Answer 7

You hit the jack pot girl with all these honest answers.
I,for one, have always felt I was another person in this female body but over the years have grown to live with it.
When the drugs first came out I wanted to try but turned chicken at the last moment. Good thing too-they weren't perfected yet.
Personality- I look up to you folks. As many have mentioned here: they are smiles of happiness.
Transgenders go through hell all their lives if they can not cope with themselves nor have the treatments.
May you both have a long and loving life together.

Answer 8

My honest opinion is: whatever makes you happy. I don't understand why Tansgenders get persecuted by other members of the LGBT community, it will never cease to amaze me or shock me.
It shouldn't shock me though because I've lived long enough to see and learn that there will always be hateful and ignorant people. It would be nice everyone could live peacefully among each other, but it isn't realistic. We cal always strive for that dream though.
Try to not become bitter or jaded, there are more good and kind people out there than there are those who would persecute you.

Answer 9

Nobody else's opinion really should matter-but, yeah, I know the opinions of others can hurt, or help us.

You can't always judge those "stares or smiles," maybe it has nothing to do with you and yours.

Maybe it's a "smile" that says, "You go Girl," or maybe both the stares and the smiles are just the same expression of curiosity.

Don't take it personally--remember, you can only be hurt by the words and actions of others IF you ALLOW yourself to be.

Don't focus on all the negative stuff. Be who you are, allow your partner to be who he is, and take everything else with a grain of salt.

You have achieved the MOST important goal--finding someone to love, and someone who loves you. Little else matters.

Best wishes and happy thoughts for a smashing future! Be happy!

Answer 10

Okay, Okay here it goes, I'm again not against this at all but I am one that will very much tell you to be yourself and not to worry what other people think.....and I do applaude you for being in life what you want to be cause no one else in this world gets the chance at YOUR life but YOU. After reading your additional details I see that this is not what you are wanting to hear....you from what I understand is wanting to hear what goes through our minds when we first see you and your partners apperance. Myself and my partner ,(lesbians) have both wanted to answer your question as soon as we read it. Neither of us is going through what you guys are going through but if it was our first impression of seeing you we think that maybe we would see you two as trying to "fit in" to society better by trying to pull of the look of a straight couple......before you get upset, that wasn't meant in a mean tone at ALL!!!! I would just think well you two are women that are gay and you both like pu**y...(obvioulsy). But yet one of you are changing to a male and then you would be kinda sleeping with a male instead of a woman.....How do you do that? I mean, just start sleeping with a male instead of a woman if you are a gay woman yourself.......but again I think your partner has wanted this her entire life and will not be complete until she turns into his WHOLE self. And that is fair....I think that she was just lucky enough to have found the woman of her dreams before the transformation began. And now you two can continue life together holding hands through life's roads. Congratulations on everything and hope you two the happiest life ever.