My 16 yr old niece met a guy (17 years old) from another province on the net and he moved to be with her. She has been online for 3 years meeting guys. She can't function in the real world (has no friends) My divorced mom has custody of her. This is causing a huge conflict in the family. My niece is a spoiled brat and always has been. My mom gets defensive when asked about it. She is buying condoms and the pill for my niece. She is a Christian and it seems like something is going on with her to allow this behaviour.
2006-10-19 08:11:59 · 16 answers · asked by sshlakoff 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I don't appreciate being attacked by comments like "maybe you have the problem".
I have two daughters 16 and 20. I ABSOLUTELY believe that the right thing to do is protect them with birth control, etc. I'm 40, which means my mom was pregnant with me at 15 and had me at 16. I am not a prude and very close to my daughters. I am not trying to dictate to my mom. I am genuinely concerned that my niece flashes her boobs to boys on the internet, has met many, many boys, three of which came to meet her (I'm talking at like 15 years old). My mom let's her skip school with this boy. He moved across the province at age 17. I find it quite bizare and am concerned for their safety. I am not trying to control ANYTHING, I just don't know how to approach things.
2006-10-20 04:00:45 · update #1
sounds like they BOTH need help! seriously... counseling is a start!!!
if she's actually using the pills & condoms, at least she's protected from pg and STD.
BTW - how does a 17 year old guy just pick up and move? i would definately look into HIS background, too!
2006-10-19 08:20:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom probably realizes that whether she approves or not, her niece is going to have sex. Why not inform and protect her. You can't just "not allow" her to have sex. That would only make her sneak to do it instead of being open. I agree that she should take it easy on meeting guys online because it's so dangerous. She may need to be informed of the statistics of online predators. Then again, she may be being very safe in her method of chatting with these guys and thus the reason that your mother doesn't bother her. I don't see the big deal with a guy moving to be closer to her. They didn't run off and move in together. Maybe you and the rest of the family that is involved in the "huge conflict" are the ones that need help in allowing your mother to be responsible for her own household unless she asks for the help or advise. She seems like the typical 16 year old to me. Although it would be great if she wasn't sexually active or meeting guys online, how many 16 year olds do you really believe aren't? Get off her back and allow her self esteem to grow enough to begin making friends in the real world.
2006-10-19 08:30:05 · answer #2 · answered by edcw0214 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to buy condoms and birth-control then be saddled raising your neice's child when she gets knocked up!! Your mom is doing the right thing, there. She knows the girl is a sl*t and she's trying too keep an unwanted baby out of the picture!! Being a Christian has nothing to do with this. Besides, I doubt she's "allowing" it. Seriously, how do you stop it? Just don't nag you mom. She's probably stressed enough by the situation as it is. Let her deal with it her way and everyone bide their time until the niece moves out.
2006-10-19 08:22:20 · answer #3 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first and foremost, I think your mom is doing the right thing (in a way) of keeping condoms and birth control pills on hand. She is trying to keep a open communication with your niece, being as though your niece (as you say) has no one else in her corner. Being a 26 yr old mother of two (3 and 5 months) and the oldest of 3, being as though your niece is still young yet she still need guidance (any shape or form) regardless of who she lives with whether it be by herself or with this guy. Also let your mom know you are supportive in her decision makings (with in reason) and let her know that in any way if she needs your assistance or advice you are definitely there for her. This reason is to keep the line of communication open between your mother and you. Sometimes even though you don't like the way someone is living their life whether it be family, friends, etc, always let them know your love will never fade and that you will be there to lend a helping hand. No one is perfect and you can't change someone you can only help bettering them as a person.
2006-10-19 08:29:59 · answer #4 · answered by Pissed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow your niece needs a kick in the rear. And I would just sit down and talk with your mom about it. Did she let you get away with that kind of behavior? I mean at least she is helping your niece stay protected but in the long run it could be bad. Maybe instead of talkin it over with you mom, sit down with your niece and have a heart to heart with her. Sit her down and tell her your concerns. Maybe she will listen. You could even go as far as taking her to an abortion clinic or womans shelter and showin her what could happen if she makes the wrong decisions.
2006-10-19 08:22:02 · answer #5 · answered by P-cilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they BOTH need help. A sixteen yr old should not be living her love life on the web for 3 yrs, or anywhere for that matter at her age. You're mom is only teaching her that it's okay to act like this by giving her those things rather than educating her and trying to discourage it. If it were me personally, I'd throw out the computer!!
2006-10-19 08:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by catwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOTH! The "mother" is condoning sex buy purchasing birth control and this little girl is out of control!
It is one thing to develop friendships on the net. It is another when they move to be closer to you and they are not even adults yet! Makes you wonder about the parents of the 17 year old too!
Your hands are basically tied but at the same time you can try to help your mom see that she is not helping. Sure she may be preventing pregnancy and disease but she is not teaching the girl self respect. Contraceptives are a false security!
Good luck!
2006-10-19 08:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by nordic_winds1969 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom is not doing her a favour and it has been goung on for a long time- your mom needs to quit being a hippocrate and give the niece a wake up call= and kick the guy out = and quit feeling sorry for the niece and do what the GOOD LORD wants her to do- if she will or not who knows- can you talk to your mom's pastor?? If so- do- if they are on good terms = maybe she will listen to him- take care -D
2006-10-19 08:18:04 · answer #8 · answered by Debby B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that both need help. Your mom needs to go have a LONG talk with her pastor/priest and NOW. The neice needs to be put on a short leash and reeled in. Neither one are acting appropriately and there WILL be a pregnancy in the near future if something is not done. If mom won't talk to the pastor maybe you should.
2006-10-19 08:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom raised you didnt she? did she do a good job? she is your mother she raised you so you know she knows what she is doing! i mean she is making sure that girl is protected what is wrong with that. your mom can not babysit her 24/7 to tell you the truth there are things that girl can do that your mom wont even believe she did.. so to tell the truth sounds like the one with the problem is you...
2006-10-19 11:02:57 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋