I have a friend that was sexually abused when she was young.?

Question

She is an adult now, but she cannot go through a pap, or have sex. She gets scared to death when she thinks anything is going to be "inserted". She is able to be touched, but even then she shakes a lot. She doesn't remember much of the abuse, and isn't sure if she wants to remember. What kind of therapy would you recommend? She has a loving husband who sticks by her, but she wants to "be with him". Do you think that hypnotism would work to change the way she feels at times of intimacy and doctors exams?

I guess that I should add that she has thought about letting her husband tie her down and force her, but she is concerned that it will make her subconciously see him as an abuser as well. Plus, she doesn't think it would make a difference in allowing him to in the future.

Is what she is going through common? I have never heard of someone actually not being able to control their own body. She said that her body tenses up and shakes, and she can't make it stop. She said it is as if her sub-concious takes control.

Answer 1

I think that hypnotism is not a good solution for your friend, and I will explain why; people that have been sexually abused normally have a trust-problem and often get afraid in situations where someone else is having control over them; this reminds of the abusive situation.
I think a good idea would be for her and her husband to go to a professional counselor/psychologist that could help her to share what happened and get the comfort she didn't get when she was younger. Then they can start to exercise on functioning normally together; she must be an active part of this, because she needs to break free from the "shock-state" that she was put in and claim back the lost territory; her freedom, control over own body and ability to be in intimate situations without feeling afraid and hurt. She needs to realize that she CAN win back what was lost and her husband, if he really wants to see her free, must see the situation as if she was Sleeping Beauty caught in the castle; and he's the prince who must fight to get in to her and win over the spell/authority of the person that has abused her and locked her up in the state she is in. In most situations, people that have been abused are not so lucky that someone would acctually bother going through the fight with and for them, but your friend seem to have a chance, since her husband acctually didn't leave her and wants to help:-)

Answer 2

I am sorry for your friend.
The condition is called vaginismus where the muscles of vagina contract very badly making it impossible for anything to pass into it. It is one of the common problems suffered by people who undergo sexual abuse. The best way is to consult a psychiatrist and take therapy. I understand it is very painful to remember and accept what has happened but it is the only way to heal. She should be able to forgive herself because it is not her fault. A good psychiatrist will help her through this.
I wish her good luck

Answer 3

She needs a therapist who specializes in childhood abuse cases.
So she has never "been" with her husband. This is going to be a major problem for them if she doesn't get help soon and work through this.

Answer 4

OMG! dont do hypnotism! dont change her..i guess she should just go into therapy. or she could just have sex with her "loving" husband more than once..practice at it..and get comfortable with it. force her to have sex??i donno call some therapy place and just ASK the question of "should she have sex more than once with her husband?

Answer 5

she needs to see a therapist that specializes in PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. She NEEDS to remember and deal with what happened, or she will never get over it.