We have so much in common, are still passionate for one-another, still love being together, have 3 very young children, and miss being a family. However, we flight constantly about the-day-to-date running of our lives. We went to counseling 2 years ago which did not help and have been separated for 1 year. Help!
2006-10-19 08:06:39 · 30 answers · asked by mjhlmhl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's okay to love someone but that doesn't mean you have to be with them. YOu obvioulsy recognize that you love one another but that it wasn't working. Ask yourself this...if you got back together would old habits begin again? Will you both start fighting? Has the root of the problem been solved? Can it be solved? One person can't make a marriage work. You truly don't want to raise your children in an unstable, argumental household. I know how it feels to want to make things work for the kids but the truth is that they'd be better off with seperated parents than parents who fight and argue. If they grow up seeing that then believe me they will grow up and immulate it! Loving someone can make you feel as though there is no other choice but to be together but you can continue to love her for the person she is without being romantically involved! Think it over. Ask yourself those hard questions and don't feel guilty for having your feelings. If anything, it's great that your kids will have to parents that care for eachother even if theyre not together!
2006-10-19 10:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you didn't have the right type of counseling. If the love and passion is still there, then maybe try meeting with a time management, parenting counselor.
With 3 small children in the house, there is no way anything will be routine. But if you could somehow learn to manage the stress of a full life, your marriage is definetly worth saving.
2006-10-19 15:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by DeltaQueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
come on now...no brainer...if you both still love each other, are passionate about each other and miss being a family you need to do MORE counseling. Just like anything else, if this therapist did not help, find another, and another, and another. The day to day running of your lives is all about negotiating. What is really important? A mediator can really help iron those things out. Do not give up!
2006-10-19 15:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by madevali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you have the answer, but neither of you want to let go of control.
I suggest that the two of you spend a weekend away together...if that isn't possible...at least find a day to be together. During this time, just be with each other and not think about your other responsibilities and troubles.
It is obvious that the two of you still want to be together, but don't want to continue fighting.
Why exactly are you fighting? Is it really something that you can't fix? If its just how the two of you want to run things, then i totally don't see that as being a good enough reason for the two of you to separate.
How about sitting her down and letting things run the way she wants for a couple of weeks/month, and then switching to the way you want them. Once this has happened, the both of you should realistically sit down and appreciate the positives/negatives of each schedule.
It is all about compromise and realizing what is more important...the both of you being stubborn and divorced, or being with your wife, seeing her happy, and being together and sharing moments of love, laughter, and happiness.
2006-10-19 15:32:03 · answer #4 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would keep trying the counseling. If it didn't work the first time try a second time. If that doesn't work try a third. The point is you still love eachother. There is no reason to get a divorce if there is a chance it could work. Comunication is the most important and there is always a way to work it out if you love her.
2006-10-19 15:18:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anna L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you guys seperated? Man if you still have love and passion you guys still have a lot to work with. The everyday life stuff you will contiue to not see eye to eye about. That is just how it is. Men and women view things so differently. That is just life. The key is to find a way to agree to disagree without having a knock down drag out. Sounds like you two should be together, but whatever you guys decide good luck to you both.
2006-10-19 15:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you feel all this for each other and your family and get divorced because you both can't communicate. that's what it is you know. That and neither of you can make concessions.
If you too fight about the mundane day to day living of your lives then you have too much time on your hands. Forget counseling...try talking amongst yourselves. There has to be some give and take here.
2006-10-19 15:11:12 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn how to treat each other with respect about the day to day running of the household. If there is still love then work hard on this marriage. It will be hard to find someone else who you can truely love, plus 3 children is involved here. Sit down and both say their peace on how you think the daily household should be runned and then each compromise on something that isn't as important as the other. Most of all show each other love and go from there. If she truely loves you then she will be able to do this as you will.
2006-10-19 15:10:32 · answer #8 · answered by nicolejane68 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either grow and put the childish arguing behind you or split.
Sounds like immaturity, even though you are not young.
You have been able to make a choice to fight about anything and everything, make a choice to grow some thicker skin and not jump on every little thing.
It is as easy as that.
But it takes maturity, without that, you can go to counseling for a hundred years and still fight.
Peace and Good Luck.
2006-10-19 15:29:10 · answer #9 · answered by C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because two people love each other doesn't mean they can live under the samr roof together..Sometimes to much in common is just that..To Much alike...People don't realize that saying I DO changes a lot of things ..Your commented and some people don't like that tied down feeling...Maybe you two just rushed into marriage to quickly ...try to be friends (who love each other) and take it a little slower...Maybe in time you'll both see that you need each other to be there..If you truly love one another time will put you back together but for the right reasons..
2006-10-19 15:23:47 · answer #10 · answered by Just Dreamin' 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋