We were 16 and hanging out in front of her garage just talking when this drunk SOB plows right into us. She was killed instantly he only recieved 6mnths. Now years later he has moved to a town I live in. He thinks he should be treated nicely because as he says he has done his time. I so don't think so, especially since he is still a drunk. His kid goes to school with my little sister and sometimes I wish I was the kind of person to hurt a child so he will know what it feels like to lose someone special to you. I thought I had reconciled my feelings until I saw him again. How do I stop hating this man?
2006-10-19 08:05:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I am sorry you lost your friend. You must remember that his child is innocent in this situation and probably has a host of his own problems, so please don't have any ill feelings towards the child. You have to own your feelings of anger and move towards forgiving this person. You can still not like the person, but you should not waste your energy hating someone. Focus on the good things about your friend. Not about the bad things that happened to her in her last minutes of life. You will move on. Best to avoid the drunk driver as much as you can.
2006-10-19 08:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by Tara P 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to hurt his child? The child didn't do anything to you....I can't relate to how you feel because I've never had a friend murdered before, but there comes a point where you have to forgive. He'll get judged, so there's nothing you can do. It's out of your hands, so why hate him? You're just making it harder for yourself. So if you care about yourself, then let it go.
2006-10-19 08:11:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
free counseling is offered at churches,hospitals,hospice centers.call and talk about ur feelings.i was in similar situation,and a wonderful,free church counselor helped me.didnt talk about religion,just let me vent and offered words of comfort and wisdom.i wasnt even part of her church,but i went to see her for 2 years !!!dont act on ur anger,he will lose his family in another way-he will alienate them with his behaviour,and when they grow up,if they have any sense,they will be disgusted by him.its not his kids fault,they are suffering too,just by having an alcoholic as a father.this is a very hard situation for u,ive felt the pain and the anger ,too.just live the best life u can,reach for someone to help u express ur feelings,and give u advice,and live a happy and good life,as ur friend would have wished for u.if u go thru life with the pain,then he's claimed 2 victims.hold ur head high,and dont let him win!!!livng well is the best revenge.live,love,be happy.the first step-see someone.its been bottled too long,and his sudden appearance is a crises for u,emotionally.in any crises-reach out.u'll be amazed how many will reach out to u as well,and how many have known the pain of accident/murder,etc.we're all around.find us !with support,u can mend.
2006-10-19 08:17:55 · answer #3 · answered by Lyn K 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By hating him you are hurting yourself not him. I would just bring up in conversation what this drunk had done. DO NOT make it look as you are trying to hurt him. Make sure your little sister is not around him especially if you think he is drinking. Make the school aware that he drives drunk so they can take extra precautions.
2006-10-19 08:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by BUPPY'S MEME 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your pain is legitimate. Try to put this resentment behind you. Resentment only hurts you not the resented.If that won't work for you have him watched and report him to the law for the least thing he dose.That will probably be drunk driving any night of the week.
2006-10-19 08:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't center your life around thoughts for this man. Do something that honors your friend's memory rather than giving attention or focus to him. I would recommend talking wi/a therapist b/c it really helps to talk it out with someone who is a non-biased 3rd party and who has the ability to teach you how to more effectively deal with your anger. Best wishes to you.
2006-10-19 08:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by J.Z. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All i can say girl you need to pray for that dude. you can't take it out on his son it wasn't his fault. No I'm not telling you to forget it either. You have every right to be mad! I WOULD TOO! Try to forgive him. Even if he still gets drunk and all that. i don't know if your christian, but Jesus forgave us for killing him without us asking for him to!
2006-10-19 08:15:53 · answer #7 · answered by shorti241 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pray for strength and help with forgiving. You're never going to forget what happened, but you need to let the hatred go...it does more harm to you than to him. Im terribly sorry about your friend.
2006-10-19 08:12:40 · answer #8 · answered by hotsavannah21 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain...
It is normal to feel like this. But hurting his child is not the answer... You are better than that. He does not deserve to be treated nicely...
You should seek counseling to help you through this pain..Take care.
2006-10-19 08:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by canadianbakn 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There isn't really a "how" to stop hating someone. You just have to go on with your life. You don't have to be his friend, but you should still treat him nicely. Maybe he really has changed, and he's trying to stop drinking? Life will be easier for you.
2006-10-19 08:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋