I have been married for 14 year. When my wife and i dated and the first few years of our marrige we had sex often and everywhere. Even after our two girls were born things were still very regular. The last 5 years have been sexless. She have sex with me a few times one month and then go 3-4 months without. I do not get it. I am 6'2" and 245lbs., ex-bodybuilder, work out every morning, make $100K every year, really help with the kids, do the laundry, shopping, coach my daughters teams. I don;t drink, smoke, or go out at night. Most people who meet us think I am a perfect husband just not my wife. It has become so bad I have lost all interest. If she came in here now with nothing on but a smile I would probebly say no.
I feel alone, unhappy, and unloved. Personally I think she no loger loves me and hasn't for years. I can not leave her because I love my girls to much no to see them as much as I can.
Any ideas???
2006-10-19 07:57:38 · 29 answers · asked by tmcumis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have Talked, and talked and get no where. Whenever I bring up sex we fight and have been to marriage counselor.
2006-10-19 08:03:08 · update #1
There are not very men like you out there. Sometimes it takes for you to leave for them to realize what they have. If you love soemthing let it free if it comes back it's your if it dosen't it was never yours. You have a right to live happy. Day that goes by, day that will not come back. If you do thing the right way you will see you girls. You need some love like anybody else. Leave for a couple of days maybe she'll see what she has with you....
Good Luck!!!
2006-10-19 08:02:19 · answer #1 · answered by yo_010180 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be a bit too cynical, but you sound like my husband.... "I work so hard, never go out, I'm attractive, I love the kids, I make good money, everyone else thinks I'm the perfect husband..... blah blah blah".... There's no such thing as perfect...not husbands, not wives. The dynamics of a marriage go beyond how you are as a parent, how much money you earn, and whether or not you know how to turn on the washing machine. How's the communication, problem solving, common interests, trust, adventure, respect level, rapport, how much time do you spend alone together just being a couple...do you make her feel special....are you affectionate without expecting sex... just because you love her....ect?? Whats your temper like, are you manipulative, controlling, jealous, passive aggressive,.... what interest do you show in what she does, and how do you approach her....??THOSE are what influences her sex drive.... not laundry, soccer games, and paychecks. Everyone else can think what they want.... they don't live inside your marriage. You must have made a mistake or two somewhere along the line..... everyone does. A little more self exploration and a little less blame throwing please. It take two to screw up a relationship, and it takes both of you to take responsibility and be accountable for your share.
2006-10-19 08:27:30 · answer #2 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aaaww...I am SO sorry about your situation! It's sad and hard to think about, but you need to try and figure out if your marriage can be saved or not. For women, sex is a very emotional thing, so there could be reasons why your wife doesn't feel like having sex, but it's probably 99% NOT your fault. The advice I would give to you is to seek out some sexual counseling or marriage therapy. You obviously both need to air certain concerns and it's worth a try before you are left with divorce being the only alternative. Good luck...
2006-10-19 11:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am truly sorry that you feel unloved nobody should. Have you tried to actually sit down and talk with her. I mean sometimes things aren't always what they seem. maybe she going through her own tough time and just doest know how to connect with you. It does happen. You seem like the perfect guy and I could only wish my hubby would get it together like that. Maybe marriage counseling would help. And just because you love your children doesn't not mean you should be unhappy yourself and neither should your wife. Just make sure your kids know you love them no matter what happens.
You know I have had the same conversations with my own hubby about these things and all the advise I can honestly give you is keep trying to get through sometimes it takes alot but in the end its worth it.
2006-10-19 08:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can sympathize with you being in the same situation. I have only been married five years however and my husband has not only withdrawn all affection, love and attention but has actually turned on me, telling lies about me, been disrespectful and abusive. Same as you, I just don't get it and have been trying to understand it. I have been depressed to the point of having physical problems. I am in counseling again and under the care of a physician for this. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. You have to find things to do that make you happy too. I am fortunate however that I can leave since my children are out of the house now and want me to leave also. I wish the best for you.
2006-10-19 11:51:54 · answer #5 · answered by brendamariee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can sympathize with you. I have been married almost 13 years and sometimes it doesnt matter what you do you tend to just lose interest. Doesnt mean the person who lost interest is cheating or anything but sometimes it does. If you are not happy though, no amount of sex will make things better no matter how good the sex is. And you can always still love your children even if yall are not together. The children sense the unhappiness even if yall are not fighting and sometimes its better to be apart than to live in that kind of unhappiness. No matter what the reasons.
2006-10-19 08:37:14 · answer #6 · answered by chrissy c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have lost interest in the "routineness" of her life...everyday the same thing. Nothing new, nothing special, nothing "wow". You sound completely supportive, and likeable - but that's "comfort" to her, not "spark". Try adding something new and see what happens - little sticky notes where only she'll find them... put an old photo of the two of you from way back when in her purse... go by her work w/ flowers... Court her again, basically. Kinda like the old "Pina Colada" song... If there is no response, or if she asks 'what's up?', then GENTLY explain your feelings to her - esp. the part of worrying for HER. Best of luck, bud.
2006-10-19 08:05:55 · answer #7 · answered by NE1sGame 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say you 2 have talked about it. Try talking.
If you don't feel better after a talk, go see a counselor. If your not wanting to leave your wife, let her know you have needs and if she can't give you in return those needs, tell her your going to start looking around.
Maybe she's having an affair or you have just made her very comfortable now where she doesn't care about your needs.
2006-10-19 08:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow , what a sad situation to be in. you sound like everybodies dream of a husband and not being done right at all. many are stuck in your type of situation believe it or not. and many find thier own solution for no sex. some just play with themself an others get so sick of it , they do what they have to do. you know that is where i used to be , i played on the side because my ol' man was an is so terrible in bed. and in the longrun of it all , i figured i must sacrafice somewhere ...he is my bestfriend and my husband so i am willing to sacrafice the sex.... as you love your wife an don't want to just give that up. it seems as though life is a sacrafice in that catagory. it isn't easy , i know and it seems like reaching a solution would be easier to do. Good Luck
2006-10-19 08:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her. I know you help her and all but sometimes, it's not about helping with the laundry or the kids or making money, there may be something that she's not telling you. Maybe she feels uncomfortable telling you, maybe there's something going on. You must ask her. After you find out what's going on, then you can see what your options are and how to handle the situation.
2006-10-19 11:45:52 · answer #10 · answered by meister_sarah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋