Am I making the right choice?

Question

I have decided to divorce my husband and the reasons are as follows:
We cannot fight in a constructive manner, nor can we discuss anything in a rational manner.
For the second time, in a month, he has flown out of state on business. I had to ask him to leave an emergency # last time, I live alone in the state with no family. He left town yesterday but I didn't get to speak with him before he left, I came home from work and he was sleeping and he was sleeping when I got up the next morning. When I got home from work last night he had already left town, no note, no emergency numbers, nothing....
He blames everyone else for what is what is wrong in his life...His ex-wife, his children, his ex-business partner, they are all wrong and he has been innocent in everything...Now I suppose I will join the list of statistics, because I refuse to play the game his way.
When I send him a loving message via email he tells me that he doesn't look at it because he is too busy with everything else

Answer 1

I think I dated him years ago. It didn't work out and you must've married him instead.
This hardly sounds like a friendship, much less a marriage.
And he sounds like he has NPD.
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

Answer 2

Well hun, have you told him about your decision to divorce him? Sometimes when the issue of divorce arises it makes a huge difference, and it can go both ways, he will either accept the divorce and see it thru or he will freak out that you mean business and get his act together! What happened to him in the past should stay there, in the past! You were not there then! Maybe he needs an adjustment hun, I'm not saying that Divorce is the answer, but how about if you two separate for a while and let things cool down for a bit and give you both some time to think on separate levels, then if need be you either Divorce or you don't, maybe he is so overwhelmed with things that he is blind. Leave for a while, let him feel what it's like without you and then tell him you can make that PERMANENT if he chooses to accept the divorce! But do try because You don't want to do something you'll regret afterwards! Please think this thru! God Bless & Good Luck! Email me if u'd like and tell me what you think! :)

Answer 3

It sounds like your husband is trying his hardest to keep his distance from you. He obviously doesnt care enough about you to let you know about his whereabouts or leave contact numbers when out of state. It sounds like he is living his life for himself and he is taking you down with all the past downfalls he has had in the past. So if you feel that getting a divorce is what you need to do then go for it and find a good man that loves you.

Answer 4

wow,,,, I wouldn't want to live that way either... It really sounds like maybe he just doesn't care anymore, I mean, Im sure he wasnt like this when you married him so he must have changed alot for the worse.. Im sure you deserve so much more out of a marriage. It is a two way street and it sounds like your the only one putting any effort into it... I would have a talk with him when he gets home and tell him what he is doing to you and that things need to change or you are gonna move on.....GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

I think you're making the right choice... you need to be in a relationship where you feel safe, supported and loved. He sounds very SELF-centered... between the ghosts of his past and his own self-centeredness there is no room for you in the relationship. You deserve MUCH more... life is too short to be in an unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship. All the best to you!

Answer 6

did u give him some warning? did u tell him u can not live this way? that u would like things to be different because u are not happy? talk to him, see if he is willing to make an effort, perhaps see a marriage counsellor. Otherwise yes, go on with your life, u have the right to be happy :)

Answer 7

You are living with alone and he does not seem to care take time off from work make plans to spend time withfamily do not let him know...the day you leave ..leave a small small note and just say i just needed to see family and seeing that you are gone all the time i knew you would not care..do not call him for afew days let him feel what its like.... do it,,, sureillll

Answer 8

As long as you don't see how you can make it better or get threw this i think you are making the right choice. you can't live like that forever. You need to communicate with each other and that doesn't seem to working. I would say as long as you are willing to do it then do it. or maybe sit down and tell him that you are thinking about it and see what he says.


Good Luck

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to move on. As far as right or wrong, If your not happy then you should leave. If you think it can be saved then stay. But if he blames his woes on everyone but himself then yes you will become another reason why he has failed.

Answer 10

He sounds like a very self-centered person and he might have histrionic tendancies (a person who never takes responsibility for their own actions, but blames others.)

If you LOVE him, you might try couples counselling. he sounds like the kind of guy that would never go for this kind of thing. If he can't even bend enough to get counselling, I would have to say divorce is a good option.

You deserve someone who treats you with the respect you deserve - and with the same respect that you're giving to them. (Unfortunately for him, he deserves someone who treats HIM like he treats them as well)

Answer 11

Yes you're making the right choice. Although there are no marks to show it, he is abusing you emotionally. It sucks to be a "statistic" but you have to do the right thing. Find someone who doesn't take you for granted.