How do I bring a new baby into the home?

Question

My youngest daughter will be 10 weeks old tommorrow. She is still in the hospital, she weighed under 2 pounds when she was born. Doctors say she will be out in 2-4 weeks.

My older daughter is going to be 3 the first week in January. She was really excited to have a sister when she was first born, but now that she has been in the hospital this time and I have spent just about all of my time with her at the hospital my oldest has changed her mind totally. She did love going to see her sister now she wants nothing to do with her and she says she doesn't want her to come live with us ever because she hates her and wants it to just be the 2 of us again. She is a very smart almost 3 year old she knows all of her abc's, counts over 100, learning to read, spell you name it.

How do I bring the new baby into the picture without her having all of this hate? I even tried telling her once a week we could spend time together just the two of us at the park or something she still HATES the idea!

Answer 1

THINGS HAVE CHANGED IN HER LIFE SINCE YOU HAD THE BABY. ONCE YOU GET HOME AND THE ROUTINE IS BACK TO NORMAL SHE WILL BE FINE. WHEN I BROUGHT OUR NEW BABY HOME MY HUSBAND CARRIED IN THE BABY SO I COULD GREET MY OTHER DAUGHTER. THIS WAY i DIDN'T AVE TO SAY I COULDN'T HOLD HER BECAUSE I HAD THE "NEW BABY" I CARRIED IN A NEW BABY DOLL FOR MY DAUGHTER. AND PRESENTED IT TO HER . THIS WAY SHE COULD TAKE CARE OF HER NEW BABY AND I OUR NEW BABY. I HAD ALSO SENT LITTLE GIFT HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL THE WHOLE TIME AND TOLD HER THEY WERE FROM HER SISTER. ITS NOT EASY AND THERE WERE TIMES I WAS FEEDING THE BABY AND MY OLDER DAUGHTER WAS SITTING ON MY FEET. I ALSO TRIED TO MAKE THE MOST OF OUR TIME WHEN THE NEW BABY WAS SLEEPING. i ALSO DID NOT REFER TO THE NEW BABY AS THE NEW BABY WHEN TALKING I USED THERE NAMES. BECAUSE I DIDN'T WAT HER TOO FEEL LIKE THE OLD BABY THAT WAS NOT IMPORTANT. BEST WISHES

Answer 2

well some things to try if you haven't: make this "her" baby, tell her how much you are going to need her help. Continue to do things just the 2 of you, the park like you suggested, even if she says she hates the idea. But really, try to have just the 2 of you time for at least a half hour or so everyday, not just once a week.

Also, just my thoughts... It sounds like your daughter is reacting with the jealousy that would normally accompany a new baby's arrival. And once the baby is home and you're not having to spend so much time at the hospital, I think your daughter will see that this new baby isn't taking mommy away so much.

Also, continue to make her feel special when guests/relatives come to see the baby, make sure you show every one what a little star your older daughter is, or else attention-seeking behaviour will jump out.

Answer 3

At 3 she's probably too young to understand exactly why you had to spend so much time with her younger sibling. She's probably jealous of all the attention the baby is getting.

Is it possible to perhaps find a babysitter, the baby's father or a friend who can watch the baby for perhaps an hour that you can dedicate to the older one? You might want to really push the "You're the big sister now/you're so grown up" angle so the older one feels just as important.

It'll be difficult, as everyone will have to adjust to a new people in the house and a change in the routine. Just remain patient and try to set aside time for all three of you, mom and child time (for each) and especially, time for yourself! You won't be good to anyone if you're stressed out too!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Oh dear...the reality of having a baby sister is not all it is cracked up to be! It's tough, having to share your mom.

Three year olds love to be 'big helpers', you can talk to her about all the things she will need to do to help you. Maybe she can be in charge of something, like passing you the diapers, picking out her sisters clothes for the day...things like that. There are some nice picture books which talk about new baby in the family, that may be a good start point. Make a big fuss about her being a big sister...you can get t-shirts etc, usually at the hospital gift shop. I also know some people have had success giving the big sister a doll to look after.

It is a hard adjustment, but it will be fine...good luck.

Answer 5

her reaction is common in kids her age. She feels pushed aside because you have HAD to be with the baby so much. Kids like the ideal of a new baby untill theySEE how much time mom and dad have to spend on the baby. Often even relitives google over the baby and ask about the BABY hold the baby 1st. Of course the other kid would resent all that attention being paid to someone else. My brother had kids 3 years apart. He told his whole family when they came to visit to talk to the oldest 1st not to run in and hold the baby. He made the oldest feel special by letting her pick out the babies clothes. Helping diaper the baby. By not talking about the baby but, put focas on the older kids achivements. I'ld be mad to if all of a suddend I was not #1 anymore try to see things at her level. Explain to her how special she is how cool it is to be a sister and the stuff she can do with her sister when she gets older.

Answer 6

My oldest is about to be 3, and I have one due within the month. I recently asked my sis-in-law if she had any tips since she did the same 2 years ago. I thought her idea was great. In front of her older kid she would very pointedly tell the baby (even if the baby was sleeping) "now I'm going to spend some time with your brother. It's his turn and you are just going to have to wait." She said that this would make the older kids feel special and important. Of course she wouldn't do it when the baby was in need of something, but only when the baby was content or sleeping. Sometimes she would even mildly fake argue with the baby about how it was the older kid's time for mommy.

Answer 7

Try building her up as the big sister and talk about all the things she will be able to teach her baby sister. Talk about how her little sister wasn't born as strong as she was and how she will be able to help look out for her.

Don't dismiss her anger as normal angst. Please keep an eye on her around the baby. My friend found her 3 year old putting a pillow over her new baby's face.

Answer 8

She is just three she really doesn't get to say who is going to live where. Have you spent alot of time at the hospital away from here? SHe could just be resentful due to the time you have spent away from her. You need to be sure that she understands the new baby is going to live with you and she doesn't have a say in it. Three years old can be defiant I know I have four kids. You just need to reassure you love her and you are still her mommy too.

Answer 9

just let her be involved more. The hard part is that the new baby has been in icu, and she has not gotten to be close to her. Explain that when the baby comes home, she will have to help out and take care of the baby. She is used to you leaving and going in to see the baby alone. That was not fair. Tell her that she will be in charge of the diapers, and wipes, and that she will have to despoze of the old diapers. If you get her involved everything will be fine.

Answer 10

you may need to sit her down a explain to her why it took so long for her sister to come home. explain to her that you will need her help with the new baby ex: bottles, pampers watching her etc. also reassure her that she is a big girl and that her new sister will look up to her. i would take her to see the baby make her feel like she has an important job when comes to the baby. also keep in mind she is only three,and it is not unusal for her to be acting a slight bit stink about it. she jealous and you need to assure her that she is just as important.