My new beau is married and i just found out. I know the reason why he and she split, I was told all of the details, but not the most important one "He's Married"... I love him and I know he loves me, we are very happy, but now, I feel decieved and don't know if I trust him like i did before finding out. He says he is in the process of getting a divorce, but who doesn't say that... I wish I wasn't in love with him nor in a relationship, because, I have a strict rule "No married men"... What do I do...I love him???
2006-10-19 06:34:04 · 37 answers · asked by Dani_n_keem 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said they split because she started dating women. He said that it happened 2wice b4, and they worked it out, but the 3rd time was not a charm, he said he had to go. I know that they don't live together, they do have a small child, he love his child, (a dedicated father) but he said that he was embarrassed of the situation bcuz she cheated with a woman, he said he cud take it if it were a man, but just not a woman. They were married b/c he didn't want his child to be born out of wedlock, (so he says) and the marriage was for almost a yr, not longer... I am too confused. He told me all of this prior to me finding out on my own that he was married. My point was why give all of the supporting details, but not the main one? I would have liked to make my own decision as to wether or not I would like to be involved with a married man. No I wouldn't normally, but if these details are true and it was her and not him, why not...?
2006-10-20 03:02:00 · update #1
Turn off the love faucet. He is scum. Don't see him again. Don't see him even if he wants to after he divorces.
2006-10-19 06:36:16 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't trust what he says about getting a divorce - then run, and don't look back. What's the point in having a relationship where you don't even trust a person?
Yes, he's techincally "married", but it is more important that he is NOT in a committed relationship, and IS available for dating. Divorces take months or years nowadays; it's a formality. Would it be more acceptable to you to date a guy who is not married, but is in a committed relationship with someone else? It is not the marriage certificate that matters, it is the presence or the absence of committment. He's not breaking any promises by being with you, get over it.
P.S. It took me a year and a half to finalize my divorce... And you better believe it, I didn't go into every personal detail with any potential date right from the start. These are personal matters that are best addressed once some interpersonal connection has been established.
2006-10-19 06:43:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said a lot, but you didn't say enough. He is married, are he and his wife still living together, or are they apart? How long have you been seeing him? Did he tell you the reason why they split, or do you know from a source which could give you an unobjective answer as to what happened to their marriage? Do you trust him now that he lied to you? Do you feel you can trust him? Do you feel a relationship should start out based on lies? Do you think he has lied about anything else? I would seriously start checking into every inch of this guys history if you have any intention on staying with him. If he is with his wife, I hope you have enough morals and respect for yourself to walk away.
2006-10-19 06:49:31 · answer #3 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
previous? Are you insane? !!??!!??!?!?! heavily???? 23 isn't previous. era. end of tale. and there is not any regulation, written or unwritten, that announces you're some style of failure in case you don't get married and characteristic 2.5 little ones by ability of the time you're a definite age. that's 2010, for Pete's sake, no longer the 1800's! notwithstanding has made you sense this type, you rather need to enable pass of that way of thinking. you're purely 23, you have lots of time!
2016-10-02 11:25:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in love with a man who you just found out was married? Not possible..
Lemme tell you why. To be in love with a person, you must know that person. In order for you to know that person, that person must FIRST reveal themselves to you. From what you are saying, you feel in love with someone, BEFORE they revealed themselves. In actuality, you feel in love with someone who doesn't exist..your umarried beau..so you thought.
No matter what this guy says to you, his marriage means a lot to him. Most men hold women that they call their "wives" in very high regard, even if they are angry at them. This guy is stringing you a long. If you have a STRICT rule about married men, it's time to realize your reality, and be true to your own standards.
By the way, don't get sucked into the stupid idea that "the reason he cheated is because SHE did xyz." That's bull. The majority of men, about 75%, who get married stay faithful to their spouses throughout marriage, as so the majority of women, about 86%. If you have ever been in a real relationship or married, you know that things get crazy sometimes; yet, own about 14-25% of men and women find ways to screw other people and blame it on their spouses. It is these 14-25% of men and women that should be avoided like the plague.
2006-10-19 06:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by chicalinda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...if you know the details of how they split and he didn't tell you he was married...it may have been because you have the rule in place....'No married men'. If you knew he was separated and still legally married...would you have still talked to him? Probably not....if he is not living with her...they have no ties and there is not much communication between the two of them....I say continue to date him....only with your guard up though. Protect your feelings. Spend less time together...don't be readily available. Maybe date other people just to get your mind off of him...If he wants you bad enough, he will make arrangements to spend up the process of his divorce so you all can be together.
Not saying something doesn't mean a person is a liar..but just know that he can hide things from you that may be important to you but not to him.
Pick his brain...see where he is at mentally and go with your heart. No one here can tell you what to do....we can only give our opinion....people still do what they want to do and what their heart tells them to. Even if they know it's going to hurt them...they still do what they want to.
2006-10-19 06:54:26 · answer #6 · answered by shyone911 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should end it. Even if he does really divorce his wife, you're starting a reltionship based on a lie. That's not a good way to start off , is it? Lord knows, love and marriage is hard enough without going into it already tainted. He needs to resolve his issues and be free and clear of them before you should pursue a relationship with him.
You deserve better. You deserve a man that is honest from the beginning and able to earnestly start a relationship with you.
I know the heart wants what it wants but you can and will have to find a way to turn it off.
2006-10-19 06:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, talk about low down. I don't know how long you two have been together, but I am sure it has been long enough for him to come clean. I don't blame you at all, you have ever right to feel deceived. I would at least take a break, if you can't break up with him right now because of your feelings. But you also say you wish you weren't in love with him; so I think you know what you really should do, and that is dump him. If he isn't honest with you know, you will doubt him many times in the future. Good Luck.
2006-10-19 06:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run like hell ! Get of of that relationship and don't look back. This man did deceive you, so why believe more of his lies now? If he deceived you while still married, he's already shown his true colors. Don't give up your own rules for this creep. You are in love with something you thought was real and found out it wasn't. Forget about being in love and protect yourself. Being 'in love' isn't a once in a lifetime thing. Toss him aside and go find the real deal.
2006-10-19 06:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by sistervoodoo2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing is you should feel deceived he lied I am going Thur a separation and we both tell people we are separated. I would leave him alone there might be love there but is this the guy you want to be with the one who was married and cheated on her to be with you you will never be able to trust that he won't do it to you so I would cut ties I am sure that it will be pain full but there is someone out there for you who is not married
2006-10-19 07:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by Christine R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your own rule! I have the same rule, only with women (I'm a guy). Going after a married person is asking for trouble. I work with a woman who I'm very attracted to, but is married. I've tried to stay away from her as much as possible. Remember, you may (probably will) have to fight it. The guy may keep trying to be with you. Fight it. You never know how (emotionally) stable the person's significant other is. He might not get a divorce. Possibility is that he would get back together with his ex. I've dealt with people who say one thing, but meant another. Leave him - plain and simple!
2006-10-19 06:44:07 · answer #11 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋