Well, that's not true. I like that he's not an alcoholic or a crackhead. But when that becomes your standard, it's pretty bad, right? My husband loves his job and works 60 hours a week but does not make enough money for us to be comfortable. By comfortable, I mean decent clothes, food, shoes, cars, housing, cable tv. Not super-nice, but decent. Also enough to be able to hang out with his family since he has a very close family that lives about 20 miles from us. They are always doing things and the gas to just get to their homes is killing us. I work, too, only 30 hours a week but I bring home almost as much as he does. We also have a one year old, a cat, and a dog. Since he works so much, I do 99% of the caretaking. I would rather this be down to at least 85%. Same with housework. 99% should be 85%. Why do I have to pay the price for him to work a job that he likes, but pays little? I'm so unhappy, I'm not attracted to him at all. I haven't been able to have sex in a month. Help!
2006-10-19 05:40:18 · 18 answers · asked by saveit 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Jesus Christ! Despite the fact he makes peanuts he works 60 hours a week for Chrissakes! If you're not attracted to him...why'd you date and get married in the first place? Marriage is not supposed to be a "I'll give this a try and if I don't like it I'll leave" deal. You mean that you never really looked ahead and figured something like this may be your life with one another in the future? What kind of education does he have? How about you? What the hell is gas for a lousy 20 miles? I drive that far to work every day. For the past 22 years. And this percentage crap. Marriage is not 50/50...it's 100/100. Either you ask him..."Hey...mind doing the laundry today? I'll fold it if you wash and dry?" Ever try that route. If you did and he refused then maybe you need to dscuss this with him further...and sterner.
I have a wife...22 years....2 Golden retrievers...12 and 7 years...a stupid, brainless cat that lives in the garage because I can't stand the goddamn thing...10 years.....and still work...22 years.....drive to work each day...23 miles 1 way...my wife the same......and still fold clothes, wash clothes...exclusively handle the cooking and the dishes.....vaccum and I won't even get into lawn care, pool maintenance and whatever else pops up. So....don't know what to say. A sixty hour work week doesn't leave much time for anything else. But....he's working and as you said...he's not a rum-dummy or a junkie. Try counting you blessings dearie. Oh...and not getting laid in a month. That's nothing.....got ya beat.
2006-10-19 06:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not to be rude I DO UNDERSTAND your concerns been there and stopped that. The 1st man i married was not educated enough to make money to provide for us. I made the poor choice of picking a man who could not give me what i deserved. He was not and is still not able to get a good job. I was 18 when we married I did not see the BIG picture. After 8 years of living day by day and resenting him for not providing we divorced. I MADE IT MY GOAL to NEVER DATE A man who lived below my standards AGAIN. I'm not a gold digger i also don't want to have to struggle with buying food or paying rent. You had to know when you met this man he may not be able to be there emotionally of financially. This is why is so important to pick a husband wisely. LOVE dose not keep a marriage together forever. I'm now remarried we have a home we own, new cars, a boat, we go on vacation EVERY YEAR. Those things are important. We both almost never work more then 40 hours we both have vacation time sick days. My ex lives off his mom and dad and has went no where in life. Sounds like you settled and did not see what you were jumping into. YOU CAN FIX IT if you want but, you both have to acknowledge and work on the issues. My ex was happy living like a loser and truly did not think he needed better.
2006-10-19 06:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are serious and not just whinning here are some things you can do that won't cost much and will help you.
1. Read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. Work through the book and it will help you to have more power in what you do without turning into a *********. You can move from being a victim to someone that can make things happen.
2. Recognize that love is a verb and not a feeling. It's about what you can give and do for someone not about how good they make you feel. Find things you can give and do those. And if you are already doing them then recognize it.
3. I'm not saying hubby is right or that he should do what he's doing. What you wnat is very reasonable. But how you go about making changes can help or hurt your relationship.
4. Ignore the militant "get yours" advice that is popular but ignorant. It does not work in relationships and is not a way to raise your children. And it won't protect you from being hurt.
2006-10-19 05:57:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mark S 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think alot of your emotions and resentment towards him are not allowing you to be attracted to him any longer. Emotions can do some pretty powerful things. Have you tried talking to him about this? If not, I think that should be your first step. Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. If you were to leave him, who knows what the next guy could end up being like. Your husband sounds like a hard working guy and if you talk to him, hopefully he will work hard to fix your marriage. Communication is what you need so that you can see where he stands. If he doesn't want things to change then take that information and decide for your own sanity if you can stick around or not. Ever want to talk more you can email me. Good Luck!
2006-10-19 05:53:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not believe there may be whatever mistaken with it. In reality, I might believe so much females might discover it a well factor. If she works herself, this is a joint accountability to start with (all matters so far as the house are). A guy will have to now not count on his spouse to convey the identical quantity of economic burden, even as additionally sporting the complete loved ones burden as good. And even supposing she does now not paintings, there are occasions it might be a improvement to every person. If she is in poor health, or she is pregnant and constrained to mattress leisure, or even supposing she easily demands a holiday... I might believe in the ones instances she might appear at her husbands cooking as a quality blessing. There relatively is not a drawback. I'm certain your long run spouse will likely be greater than joyful approximately it :)
2016-08-31 23:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand, you picked him. You new what his financial potential was before you married him. He sounds like a great guy to work 60 hours and knowing that you bring home more money then he does at 30 hours.
I believe that you still love him but you are just angry because you feel that he is benefiting from this relationship more than you are and because you feel left alone.
Talk with your husband and tell him how you feel about the house work, pets, and wanting to stay at home more and that you miss him......be honest but not cruel when you talk. Best of luck !
2006-10-19 05:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got to go all the way back to when you fell in love with him, why you said yes when he asked you to marry him, and how you felt when you got married.
You're really caught up in the money of all of this. Best you should find a better paying job, or go back to school so you can get a higher paying job. You have a baby together - what on earth are you thinking???? Buck up, girl, and get mature really fast.
2006-10-19 06:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would just tell him how you feel. Tell him that he should find another job that pays more and help you out more around the house. Maybe you should look for a job that pays more as well. Make it clear to him that this is putting a serious strain on you and on your relationship. Good luck!
2006-10-19 05:57:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOt a great situation. You can both better your employment opportunities with added education, or changing jobs....even moving to a better area for employment opportunities..... The only advise I can give you is don't have any children in this situation. With little money now, you will have none trying to raise a child --- diapers, doctors, clothes, food cost a fortune, children are divisive in this kind of a situation, they are not glue, they are an explosion. And you are already resentful, and rightly so -- like it or not, 50% for each person is sorta the norm in a childless relationship.
2006-10-19 05:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey, we live without TV, (a financial sacrifice we decided to make in order to make mortgage payments), and it's been wonderful! Seriously, without TV, I feel prettier, less worried about fads, and just generally more confident.
But really, are you just being resentful in silence at home? Or are you discussing this with him? Have the two of you ever made a budget together and set goals together? If you have, it's time to do it again.
good luck!
2006-10-19 05:51:04 · answer #10 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋