i found out my husband had phone sex while away on a trip...help?

Question

what should i do... i did not know how to react

i found out by discover card, they called me with weird charges that i know i didnt do , but he was out of town, so i asked him, what was it, and he confessed, it was a Paid service and he said he hadn't done it like for 5 years ago. He said he missed me and that he wouldn't think i would be up for that. I am always up for new things i said especially with him. I was not hardd , but i let him know i was hurt and he sould know that i would have done it if he had called me. Plus it would have saved us $120

ohhh by the way we've been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old and a 2 month old.

Answer 1

Oh my god! I can't believe some of the responses saying this is okay. It's not okay! Cheating isn't just a physical thing. Make no bloody wonder so many marriages fail these days. It seems a lot of people have forgotten that marriage is more about the emotional bonds than the physical. Yes, sex is very important in a marriage, but emotion is stronger. Anything that takes a part of you away from your spouse, whether it be mental, physical, or emotional, is cheating!

That said, why not try phone sex with him when you're apart? It can be very fun, and builds anticipation for when you're together again!

Edit in answer to your update: At least he was honest with you about it. If he was truly sorry for it, I would let it go and let him know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are willing 100% to get naughty with him on the phone. It's strange how we are sometimes embarrassed to ask our spouses for something new and different, huh?

Answer 2

OK. If your husband knew the person he was having phone sex with -- you have a problem
If it was a phone sex line or the same -- this is nothing more than jacking off alone, and all men do. It's natural and nothing to be upset about.

Again, if he knew the person personally -- a friend, co-worker or someone he has seen in person --- huge issues. Huge.

If he knows this person, try to keep in perspective that you are not the first person this has happened to. This will be difficult at first -- and you may even be not at all ready for this tactic at this point -- today. But soon, you will realize that you are not the first person. This happens. Not that it's right. It's still wrong. But this is not your fault. You didn't bring this on. Your husband had an obiligation to you to communicate any feelings or issues with his wife before resorting to this.
Good luck and try to keep your head on straight. Whatever you do, don't take the blame.

Answer 3

I know it seems as though your husband betrayed you, but I do not see it that way. I do think that it is weird that he paid $120.00 on phone sex, but if he wanted to cheat, he could have spent that on a call girl. It does sound like your husband missed you, and, frankly, was horny. I am not into phone sex, but if I was, I would be a little embarrassed about asking my wife to take part in it. It sounds like your marriage is not only fine, but now you have something to do with one another the next time he is out of town!

Answer 4

first of all i feel u on the $$$$$ tip
I personally think phone sex is stupid. He would have came out better, just going to a strip club. But u being his wife most likely wouldn't approved of that either. I think women sometime forget your a wife not your husband mom. Without intention you all become controlling, then we have to start creeping, and hiding. The same as a child with their mother. You get tired of fussing, so then we live on the thought(i hope she don't found out).Whatever you do don't go overboard, just let him know you are disappointed and let him know, you are there for him, but make sure he replace the$$$$$
good luck.

Answer 5

find out the details......... was it a paid service or was he having phone sex with someone he is trying to get together with?
if it was a paid service well it's just basically mindless entertainment. If it was with someone he knows or plans to know you might have more trouble. Next time he is on a trip why not call him up and "fool around on the phone" adventure in a relationship always helps it stay fresh.
If you still have doubts or you consider it cheating perhaps some couples relationship therapy would be in order. and make sure and explain to him in a calm manner why you are upset.

Answer 6

Have to say.... I'm a amazed at the responses here. Most of what I've read on this site implies that the majority of you think its a HUGE marital betrayal to be friends with someone of the opposite sex.... but phone sex is OK? Bit twisted isn't it?

Answer 7

It is a form of cheating, face the facts and talk to him as to why he feels the need to do what he is doing or if he has ever had physical contact with this person.

Answer 8

Well, that's not a good thing. You need to confront him about it...who, when, and most importantly why? You deserve an answer, so don't accept the "I don't know".... You guys may need to see a counselor to work through some stuff....

Answer 9

OK, lets get serious, he is obviously unhappy and not getting enough at home. Phone sex is really common, he was probably banging whores too but if you let this worry you, you are going to end up fat, lonely, depressed and posting bitter questions like the other fat lonely depressed twats on here. When he comes home, do oral to completion, Anal outdoor stuff and spice it up or he will find someone who will. Submit to his needs or live that life I described..choice is yours, thousands of women are waiting to fill your shoes and have him fill them.....

Answer 10

dont worry about it,, why not have phone sex with him, ,keep him outta the other places,, I think woman tend to forget men like sex and looking at woman, after all woman actually have boobs showing all the time, not just for child birth,, so why not look,

I am not trying to sound degrading, but heck,, I got and get so turned on with alittle dirty talk from a wife or lover,, alittle goes a long way,,

try it, you might like it