Aren't you afraid of waisting your life for someone who doesn't make you happy?
What makes you think you still can't be there for your children if you divorce your wife?
Have you ever had feelings for another woman but didn't do anything about it because of the kids. If so, did you regret it?
2006-10-19 04:49:29 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes I am staying married to my wife for the kids. It is an ok marriage, but I am here only for the kids. Don't get me wrong I love my wife (like a sister, do other couples feel this way?). I left a year ago for about three months. It was hell. I missed my kids so much, that at that point I decided that I would do what ever I had to to be with my kids. If she came to me tomorrow and said she was having an affair, I would say so long, don't let the door hit yo in the a** on the way out. I am the primary caregiver for my kids so she is leaving the next time. I have feelings for others and don't act on them because of the hurt it would cause my kids if they found out.
2006-10-19 05:20:31 · answer #1 · answered by Joesmoe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are so many possible answers for your questions. The thing is, it all depends on the situation, and your place in it. I know that there are some couples that do stay together only for their children, because they think it's what is best for them. But what is really "The Best" for the children?
If a couple has a horrible relationship, and there is no love between the two of them, the children will definitely see and feel it. I think that sometimes a divorce can end with a better situation for the kids, and the parents. In most cases, they end up with more people to love them, and a just happier environment altogether.
The nature of your questions however seems to imply that you are currently thinking only of yourself (if you are the man staying with his wife only for the kids) You're asking all about making YOU happy, and YOUR feelings and regrets.
I say take a look at the situation with renewed sight, and consider all the people involved. Whatever decision it is that you need to make, give it time. As a Christian I would say pray about it. A rash decision made on your own ideas can ruin so many lives. Ask God to lead you through and for the strength it will take to endure the harder times.
2006-10-19 12:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by lgreen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wasted more than twenty years of my life married to someone who made me feel utterly worthless. During the time I was married, there were a couple of people I had very strong feelings for and these feelings were reciprocated. I did nothing because I was afraid of the damage I would be inflicting on my family. I didn't regret it at the time - because I was too busy congratulating myself on what I saw as great inner strength and commitment to my family. I regret it now. When we finally divorced - because my spouse had an affair - I was left shattered. It has taken six years to rebuild my self esteem, discover that I was not a lousy breadwinner and rediscover my sexuality. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman......it is soul destroying when you are just not happy with your other half. The best thing I ever did was leave my husband!!!! Be careful what you wish for!
2006-10-19 12:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am happy to be married to my wife, but I want to answer this as though it's a hypothetical question. For the sake of discussion, imagining I am in the situation you describe --
Aren't you afraid of waisting your life for someone who doesn't make you happy? My children DO make me happy, so I am certainly not wasting my life by sacrificing for them.
What makes you think you still can't be there for your children if you divorce your wife? Divorce means splitting up geographically. Unless I was granted full custody, I would not have the opportunity daily to kiss them, hug them, tell them I love them, listen to their triumphs, soothe their hurts, have dinner with them, etc, etc. However, full custody for me would still be bad for them, because children need two parents, and my kids' mother is a good mother.
Have you ever had feelings for another woman but didn't do anything about it because of the kids. If so, did you regret it? If I did, I would not regret doing nothing. It's all about prioritization. I love my children more than I love my own life.
2006-10-19 12:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who stays in a marriage for the "sake of the kids" is an idiot! I totally disagree with the below poster that says kids come 1st. Wrong! Couples in love with each other come first. Kids sense if mom and dad hate or don't like each other therefore the foundation in which their world is based on is UNSTABLE! Its a lie! Kids are far better off with one happy parent than two unhappy parents. You must make yourself happy. Staying in a loveless marriage is stupid! The kids will be OK, believe me! There is nothing on this earth better than two adults deeply IN LOVE. If a man stays in a marriage that he is unhappy in for the sake of the kids, I seriously think something else is up. I would question that. Lets face it, most people are by nature, selfish. So, with that in mind, you are trying to say a man is staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids? HAH! I don't buy it. By chance if it IS true, he is absolutely wasting his time, his wifes time and in the long run hurting the kids MORE! Because believe me, THEY ALREADY KNOW!!!
2006-10-19 14:13:02 · answer #5 · answered by artyspiff 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got it all wrong.
Men don't stay with their wives because of the children, the thruth is that men like to have a naive mistress on the side that is stupid enough to believe that lame excuse.
The thruth is that they will never divorce their wives and leave the children. As long as the mistress tags along and keeps on believing the same ol BS, the man will continue to live his double life: having the cake and eating it to. GREAT!
Are women still falling for that ol' trick? Jeez!
PS/ I can see that you are the brainless woman on the side. wake up and smell the roses....
2006-10-19 12:04:21 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I stay together not only for our daughter, but also for each other. We got married because we love each other and want to be together forever, in spite of our flaws. I don't really feel like I'm wasting my life because I am raising my child to have good morals and that's what matters to me the most. Believe me, I feel like I am at my wit's end most of the time but I know it's going to get better because I still love him. I would rather we both be there for her everyday together and a little upset, then to only see her every once in a while. I'm not going to leave him for another man just because I think he can make me happier. Because he won't. I'll just have a whole new type of unhappiness.
2006-10-19 12:17:38 · answer #7 · answered by saveit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, what is your gender. If you are a male, are you asking this because you are in love with another woman. If so, you can be with her and still be with your children. You deserve happiness and so do your children. Your wife also deserves to be with someone who is in love with her.
If you are a female, do you know that you husband married you just for the children. If so, give him his freedom. Or if, you are in love with a man like this, stand aside, don't interfer, if he really loves you, then maybe you'll be together one day. good luck
2006-10-19 11:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am, and it's not that simple. You're forgetting who gets to pay for all that gets left behind in this society, no matter who's at fault. There's also the small detail of kissing your life as you know it, everything you did and built up - goodbye. What price for happiness? comes up, and it's very expensive. I think a person just has to get lonely enough, tired enough and desperate for happiness enough to kiss 'er goodbye... and yes, I regret not starting something with another woman...
2006-10-19 16:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are with a man and someone else is coming first (wife or children) then I think you should not make him the #1 in your life either.
2006-10-19 11:53:54 · answer #10 · answered by Graça 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋