I am married for a year and recently met this guy who I slowly develop chemistry and friendship with. I think he was interested in me and stepped back after he learned that I am married. I am doing the same thing. I am very confused. Does chemistry or things more than friendship still develop after you're married? I never thought this would happen. My husband is a very busy person and he is a good guy.
2006-10-19 04:20:23 · 35 answers · asked by xyz 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact that it happened is your fault and you need to take responsibility; you should be grateful that the other guy acted honorably.
Discuss this with your husband and make proper changes in how you communicate with male friends to keep your hubby in the loop.
2006-10-19 04:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"I am very confused. Does chemistry or things more than friendship still develop after you're married?"
Yes, it does. Sometimes it is real chemistry, other times it's just a different person thinks your the bomb and that makes you feel giddy. You have to ask yourself which it really is.
It's different when your spouse tells you you're hot, they tell you all the time and have been telling you for a long time. You come to expect it. When someone else is interested in you it is new and exciting and makes you feel good about yourself. LIke I said, the trick is in distinguishing the two.
Does it happen? Yes. Ask any couple who are polyamorous, which is the practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Society tells you that you should only love one person at a time, but in reality most people eventually develop a bond with someone else too. Many don't act on it. Some get past the petty jealousness and accept that it is possible, and in many cases have very enriching experiences.
My wife and I have been swingers for several years and are "poly-friendly" you may say, so we know many polyamorous people. My wife was involved in a "loving" relationship with a single guy we met. We are the primary relationship for each other and both of us are very clear that nobody could ever replace one another in our life. So there is no threat from including another person. Allot of it is admitting to yourself that one person can't be everything to someone. Sometimes those friendships develop into love, many times they don't. Some people act on them as a couple in a poly situation, some never admit it, others are deceive their spouse and cheat, and others leave their spouse only to find that after the newness wears off it isn't any better than the relationship they left (this is not the case in situations of abuse, however... it that's present than get the hell out quick).
Hope that helped. Remember: God created love. Priests created marriage.
2006-10-19 05:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned that your husband is a "busy person". Perhaps you are just feeling very lonely right now. The first year of marriage is usually a "euphoric" event! No one ever thinks that this will happen to them, especially after such a short period of time after marriage. You should talk to your spouse about your concerns and issues. I'm sure he is a good guy, and doesn't even realize how you are feeling right now. Tell him, if you are feeling neglected. Tell him, that you want more attention. Make a conscious effort to raise his attention. Step back, momentarily. The "newness" and prospect of someone else paying attention to you, while your husband may not realize he is neglecting, could ultimatley distroy your marriage. Try and work on your marriage first. If necessary, get help. Once you have come to more definate "grips" with your emotions and feelings, then, you may proceed. Friendships are always nice to have with the opposite sex, but often dangerous when attraction is envolved. Are you willing to loose your husband for the other man?
2006-10-19 04:31:45 · answer #3 · answered by Summerbead 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many people will probably answer differently but I think you need to completely sever the friendship with the guy. Recognize it is temptation. Get the strength up then talk with your husband. Tell him it is really tough to not spend much time with him, but don't make it look like you are threatening him. Open up and allow yourself to be open and honest and real to your husband. You will be glad. And that other guy will respect you anyhow. But stay away from him.
Don't think it is the last time this will happen. Chemistry is fickle. Think about what you really really believe deep down about what is right and wrong. You know that what is really right can not be broken by some factor that can be manipulated (chemistry). You made a promise that you would not be unfaithful. That means in heart too, so fix your heart. Sever the relationship. End it. Open up to your husband.
2006-10-19 04:24:39 · answer #4 · answered by LadyPom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, chemistry and feelings do still develop after you're married. I have been married for about 20 years, and I have found that when this happens, and you refuse the temptation, then you are usually glad that you did.
But you need to look deep inside yourself and ask if you are still in love with your husband. If not, let him go. Don't live a life of unhappiness and regret.
2006-10-19 05:21:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I couldn't hear you correctly...your clitoriss was talking to loudly. You're married a year and have the urge to have a realtionship with another guy?
You will have many men in your life that will tickle your fancy (another way to talk about chemistry). It's a natural event for all men and women. The main issue is will you act on this? You can't help your feelings....but you can help your actions. You can be a little sluttt and convince yourself that this is the way to happiness or you can decide to take the high road and work to the completition of you life. Running around fallinng for this guy or that will ruin any hopes of a satisfying life. you will eventually want to have children and what ever will you do when you find yet another guy that you seem to think you have a chemistry for.
This is the old argument of immediate gratification vs. delayed gratification. You can live for the moment and have nothing in your life or live for the long haul and watch your children grow in stability and successfulness...when that's done you and your husband can retire early and enjoy the world/reality that you both have created.
CHeck out the following website. It has a life plan that can help you decide on what's best to do for you. It's a book for guys but many women find it useful too.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-10-19 04:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes chemistry is an ongoing thing and a piece of paper doesn't make it go away. With such brief information it is truly difficult to give you any support of great value. Just know that you are not alone and your husband will likely go through a similar situation at some stage in your marriage. Ask yourself is it deep love you feel for this guy or is it more lust? There is much greater value in love and you must follow your heart which ever side of the fence that puts you on. Good luck and remember it is your happiness that you are responsible for.
2006-10-19 04:34:59 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A seemingly minor mistake can have huge consequences. Being married does not prevent you from being attracted to other people but you don't have to act on it. You give off mixed signals here : you say you're husband is busy (are you making advance excuses for cheating?) and he's a nice guy (so you do like him). My wife got too "friendly" with a co-worker and she ultimately lost a lot more than just a marriage and so did I. All because she didn't have the strength of character to just say no.
2006-10-19 04:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find out what this new guy has that your husband doesnt. It could be nothing except that you miss your husband and want to feel closer to him but instead a handsome stranger comes along and makes it all confusing.
Look at where you stand with your husband before you make any big decisions. It could be that you're just missing your husband and try to set some time aside for just the two of you.
2006-10-19 04:26:27 · answer #9 · answered by sweetthang16_2004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl don't even entertain it. The grass always looks greener on the other side. And if you go there, things will never be the same. . don't even entertain cheating, especially if your husband is a good guy. That's how the devil temps you, by making you think something else is more appealing that what you have - brush your shoulders off and leave dude alone. I'm telling you, you're going to drop anchor in dangerous water.
2006-10-19 04:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by Cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋