Miss, Mrs, Ms...can anyone help me to understand?

Question

Sorry, I'm a foreigner, so the whole matter is quite complicated for me. I have been taught that Miss is for unmarried women, Mrs for married, and Ms is for the ones who do not want to specify marital status. Fair enough, although in many Countries nowadays one only "title" is used for all women, regardless the marital status. But now that I live in England things are getting more complicated.... I heard that Mrs is ONLY for the married women who changed their surname into their husband's one! Gosh, so what happens to the others? Are they still Miss in spite of being married? A married Miss? That's too complicated for me. Help!!!

Sorry mr Irishpaddy, this site is open to everybody and it's not up to you to tell who can or can't participate. I'm trying to improve my English, but you have definitely to improve your manners and learn how to live in a civilised society.

Answer 1

You got it first time - Mrs is for married ladies regardless of what surname they use. Miss is for unmarried ladies and Ms is for those who do not wish to specify. If in doubt use Ms - the lady will soon correct you if she wishes. There thats not too difficult is it ?? xx

Answer 2

This is a good question... From what I've read, it seems that it used to be that Miss was the unmarried woman, and Mrs Husband's Last Name was a married one. With more and more women not changing their name after marriage, there came Ms, which is kinda generic, and can be used for any female regardless of marital status. Strictly speaking, Mrs is reserved only for married women who have their husband's last name - i.e., if I introduced myself as Mrs. Smith, it would automatically be assumed that my husband's name was Mr. Smith. If one wanted to be really "proper", they would use Ms. Smith, if the husband's name was Jones. I think, nowadays it seems to be a matter of personal preference; however, if a couple introduces themselves as Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones, it would most likely be assumed that they are in fact married to different people - whereas if the introduciton is Mr Smith and Ms Jones, no such assumption would be made.

(I have a different last name than my husband, and I did some reading on the subject. The above is a summary of what I had been able to find out. I refer to myself as Ms. X, and my husband Mr. Y... Never Mrs. X.)

Answer 3

Mrs. is very old-fashioned and I would not recommend you use it unless the woman specifically asks to be referred to as Mrs. It is strictly for married women to choose to use, whether they retain their maiden names or change to their husband's surname. In the old days, married women were considered to be 'above' unmarried women, so being a 'Mrs' was a big step up the social ladder from a 'Miss'. Even if a younger sister married before her older sister, when she became a 'Mrs' she pulled rank on her older sister, commanded more respect and moved to the top end of the table next to her mother, above unmarried sisters -- remember Pride & Prejudice?

Divorced and widowed ladies may continue to use it too, even though they are no longer married, because they too were considered to be 'above' ladies who didn't marry.

Going back a bit further, married women used to be "Mrs" and then "husband's first and last name". In other words, when Miss Jane Brown married Mr Andrew Parker, she was known formally as "Mrs Andrew Parker", informally as "Mrs Jane Parker". As a couple they were "Mr and Mrs Andrew Parker". Talk about a human being's complete loss of individual identity!

Ms. is a better and more contemporary option because, let's be honest, it is sexist to assign a woman a tag which reveals whether she's married or not, as if it's anyone's business. Ms is also a good option for unmarried ladies over the age of, say, 25 -- when 'Miss' seems like an inappropriate little girl's title for a fully grown woman who's a Company Director for example.

I only ever go by 'Ms', although I'm married and did change my surname to my husband's surname.

Answer 4

Makes your head spin doesn't it? Sooo many half correct answers here.

Miss - any unmarried woman, and always girls under 16.
Mrs - any married, widowed or if they chose to keep their husbands name,divorced woman, though if they don't want the man why keep the name.
Strictly speaking, 'Mrs' should NOT be used with your maiden name.
Ms - for those who don't to be identified as either.

I'm Mrs X when I have to be (eg kids school stuff because its easier), but Ms Y (Maiden name), cos I hate my marital name and Mrs Y is my mother as far as I am concerned.

In England, you can call yourself anything you want provided it is not for fraud/deception, then it becomes criminal.

PS -Summers is most accurate except the bit about divorced women. Divorced women were historically lowest of the low thought of next to 'lose' women and basically had to live in seclusion. Men of course could let the 'scandal' of divorce blow over then carry on as usual. It was only in US at the beginning of the 20th Century that divorced women started being accepted, which of course eventually filtered into Europe - look at Edward and Mrs Simpson.

Your English is great. Again apologies for the biggot.

Answer 5

You have been taught right, but in England ladies call themselves whatever they like. I was a Miss to the day I got married, never thought of calling myself a Ms. Can't see the reason for being a Ms really. Some women in England still call themselves Mrs even after a divorce. In my mind that shouldn't really be the case. If they are divorced they should revert to their maiden names. Imagine if the ex husband remarries, there would be 2 Mrs. Wrong. But some keep it because their kids share the same surname. So the overall conclusion is - call yourself whatever you like. Even Dr.

Answer 6

Miss is a title typically used for an unmarried woman.
Miss can be used in direct address to a woman, for example, May I help you, Miss? Some women consider this disrespectful and prefer ma'am (or madam in the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth). By British tradition, Miss is often used by schoolchildren to address female teachers without using their name, regardless of marital status.
In the US South, Miss is also traditionally used irrespective of marital status and added to a woman's first name in direct or indirect address.
Current American etiquette states that Ms. is preferred for a woman who has kept her maiden name after marriage and in a business setting where one is not sure of how the woman wants to be addressed. While Miss can be used it is usually reserved for girls under eighteen.
Miss is as the title of a beauty queen, such as Miss America, Miss Universe, or Miss Congeniality.

Answer 7

You are so clever to have got all that anyway, you're right, it is v confusing!!

There's no strict rule that I know of, although if you don't change to your husband's name I think you can still be Mrs...though perhaps people who don't want their husbands name aren't really bothered about their title changing to that of a married person, so they would be more likely to become Ms.

It's all very silly really isn't it! Whilst men are Mr whatever their circumstance, very weird.

I'm learning Spanish at the moment and have been trying to get my head around the age thing - a woman doesn't becom Senora when she is married, just when she is getting older - am terrified of offending someone when they still see themselves as a Senorita!!

Answer 8

Mrs. is usually used for a married woman who takes her husbands surname. If she is married and chooses not to take her husbands name then she is referred to as Ms. (usually). And Miss is only used for unmarried women.

Answer 9

Your right, Eastern Europeans & flocking does not sound like foriegn & student. But flocking and f4cking sound very much alike. A piece from the transcript below. Duffy: You can't say anything about the immigrants because you're saying that you're … but all these eastern European what are coming in, where are they flocking from? As you say, we have all read it and most people would agree that there was nothing that was said that could upset anyone, most people felt that the discussion went well, which is why people were so baffled at why Brown was so upset, this would seem to be a logical answer to it.

Answer 10

If Mr Smith and Miss Jones got married they would become mr Jones and Mrs Jones.

If they married but wife kept her name he would be Mr Smith and she would be Mrs Jones

Some people join names and would therefore become MR and Mrs Smith-Jones

Sometimes the man might even take on the wifes name and they would become Mr and Mrs Jones

Some people who then divorce or become widowed become Ms or sometimes stay Mrs. They may revert back to their maiden name or keep their married name.

I hope this helps