My wife and kids are in another country (taken by her). I lost my family, my career and savings. I was completely devoted to keeping the family together, mostly because she seemed determined to ruin it.
She was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. My self-esteem has suffered greatly, not to mention my motivation to start over again. I am worried I will rebuild, only to suffer again as I watch it crumble. How do I move on? What would you do and how?
I am also trying to start a new career that I will be able to visit the kids. I really want to do work that suits me for a change. Only problem is I am scared, I think of critism and rejection, after the veral lashings she dealt out all the time. How can I rebuild my happiness, motivation and confidence?
2006-10-19 04:12:30 · 8 answers · asked by David M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't change it, so why whine about it? It is what it is.
I see it as you having 2 choices...you giving up and she wins...OR....put your life back together and go wherever your kids are and start over. Being happy is the best revenge for you to exact on her. She is expecting you to roll over and play dead. If you give her that satisfaction you may as well just chop off your manhood and hand them over to her...that's what you are doing now.
I know how you feel. I was an abused spouse for 15 years. It was not physical, rather emotional. He made me an emotional cripple. By the grace of God I got out and you know what I have done with my life in the last 2 years since the separation and divorce? I have fininshed my degree, moved to a state that will pay me what I need to support my kids, got my own place, and 2 wks ago bought a brand spanking new car. He never expected me to be so successful at life. He still tries to tell me that I am bi-polar, but I smile to myself and know that he is just misrable without me. He will have to live forever knowing that his actions were all wasted and I am happier than I ever expected. The best part? He is moving here and he can see on a regular basis that I don't need him to be happy.
Be grateful for what you do have and for the chance to make it right by your kids. Whining about what you have lost only hurts you.
Be a man, toughen up and go out and grab life by the horns and hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
2006-10-19 05:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man you need to get a hold of yourself. Here you are whinnning to a bunch of cyber strangers! Pull your pants down and check if there is anything hanging there...I'm sure there is you just haven't noticed them before.
YES! we as men all got fuched by the women we loved. Now you have paid a hefty price for that mistake. Learn from it and move on...hopefully wiser than you were before. YOu have your life and your intellegence. You have the power to make your life better or you can sit around and whine about it all day long waiting for the next biatch to use you again.
Get out of this mold and if you need to get some professional counseling. Eventually your children will become available to you...yes you got screwed....you owe it to your children to remain alive and financially viable so you can help them when the time has come.
Take no more schit from women anymore.
Check out the following website. It can help you if you want it to..and stop being a pusshy!
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good Luck
2006-10-19 04:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude....my heart goes out to you.
Sounds like a very similar situation to my own. My ex took our kids and moved too, not to another country but to another state. Before our separation and subsequent divorce, she too was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I had a hard time with self esteem too, for quite some time.
I finally moved, about 2 months ago, to be closer to my kids. I gave up everything....job, house, friends, etc....but it's worth it to be closer to my kids. Now the kids spend about half their time with me, the other half with my ex.
You can do it too. Not sure what you're after when you say you want to move on....I've become comfortable being single and living alone. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed being married, but there are some advantages to living alone too.
Best of luck to you....
2006-10-19 04:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same way a abused woman does.
Seek counseling to build up your selfesteem. If she was so abusive and you have proof of this, stand tall as a person who is doing the right thing and take her butt to court and sue for custody!
After a bad relationship, most of us find it hard to pick up and start over. It's hardest for those of us who were the "abused" partners.
Once you can build up yourself esteem, you'll see that you can learn to trust again,l can learn to love again, and actually be happy!
Good Luck to you
2006-10-19 04:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think marriage is a crap shot. You really don't know for sure what the other person is going to turn out to be. Don't blame your self.
2006-10-19 04:27:29 · answer #5 · answered by bush_is_an_idot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. Seeing a therapist has been a huge help.
2006-10-19 04:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try speaking to a councillor just someone to let it all out to they can really help
2006-10-19 04:17:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if I were you, I would drink excessivley and buy hookers
2006-10-19 04:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋