What do I do??

Question

My wife keeps bringing up arguments that happened days, weeks, even months and years ago. It's hard because we'll be doing fine ,then she gets all mad and we start to fight again. Is it ok to continually bring up resolved issues?

I haven't cheated on her and I have apologized many times

Answer 1

you can stay,you can divorce, or... something between...

Answer 2

No. There is something more 2 it than wot u r fighting about. R u behaving the same way u were in the past 4 her 2 bring the past up??? If not, she may tell u that she is OK with wot ever happened in the past BUT obviously she is not if she keeps bringing these issues up. U need 2 sit her down and talk 2 her give her the chance 2 open up 2 u without u fighting back at her. Let her explain y she keeps bringing up the past. Communicate with her and let her get wot she needs 2 out then have Ur say. Be nice and listen 2 wot she says. She may not b right but u may not b right either. Talk it out. If that does not work suggest marriage counselling??? Good Luck with it. I hope it all works out. I feel 4 u been there and done that.

Answer 3

The problem here is your calling it resolved issues. They are obviously not resolved for her. If something keeps coming up time and time again its because it hasn't been resolved and is still eating at her. Another thing men need to realize is that women are different when it comes to fighting. Men can just walk away and forget what's happened but women get resentful. Once the cup of resentment is full its extremely hard to empty. I dont know what problems you guys have had but she sounds full of resentment. You guys need more communication.

Answer 4

If she continues bringing them up it's for two reasons: 1) they are not resolved for her, only for you. Ask yourself why can't she let them go, are they repeting? 2) she feels lower then you so she always uses the same weapon: old arguments. Whenever she feels that you are above her in any way ... she needs to take action and put you down so she upsets you with these because she knows that SHE CAN. My suggestion: 1) solve her issues;2) don't mind her, stop giving her the satisfaction by being mad...and she will give up using them.

Answer 5

It means there is something else bothering her. Most of the time when people bring up old wounds, there is something else bothering them that is easier to communicate than their new issue.

I have a habit of building up resentment towards my husband about not helping around the house... and when I finally get mad enough, I yell at him about that and sometimes throw in something else from the past.

maybe you two should seek counseling to see what is really upsetting her and resolve the issues. Bringing up old fights is never a good thing!!

Answer 6

My wife used to do the same thing. It drove me batty too!

It sounds like it is her issue, and has little to do with you. A healthy person, who wants a healthy relationship, needs to be able to forgive and move on from the past. II think she is unhappy with her life, and is looking for a reason why, thus she rehashes the past and blames you. She is looking for a scapegoat.

I would suggest counseling, she needs to hear from a professional that her behaviour is not acceptable or helpful to your relationship. Otherwise, you could probably tell her that 'til the cows come home but it won't matter and she won't change. The reason, it is easy to blame and she doesn't have to change anything about herself.

Good luck!

Answer 7

If she has not forgotten the old things, than she is probablly still in paint, she has not digested them truelly so far. It is natural, I think. I gues, she needs something, something she does not say, pronounce, but what screams out when she is angry. Maybe it is understanding, acceptance, safity...could be anything.
I think that you should definitelly tell her how you feel about these things...but one thing is very important when you talk to her: your intention. Your intentiion must be really pure, it must be intention to solve this problem out, becasue you love her and you would like to be in harmony with her. So tell her how you feel, what you think, tell her that you do not know how to solve this , and that you would like so, and ask her to help you in this. I am sure, when youopen your heart franklly and with pure intention to solve this problem..then she will melt and she will be moved and she will be happy to work this out. Women like understanding. They need it so much and it creates intimacy for them..well I am a woman myself.
I wish you all the best. Hope this helps.
Br

Answer 8

My sister(bff) used 2 that all the time. They don't feel a lot of trust, but, they do 4 the most part. Convince them it won't happen again & hang out with her more. Do special stuff 4 her so she knows u care. It worked 4 me!! :)

Answer 9

If you haven't figured it out yet.......women are like elephants......they NEVER forget!!!!! If a man does something that ticked a woman off, it could be 20 years later and she'll bring it up out of nowhere. Might as well get used to it......just something us men need to deal with.

Answer 10

Are you sure the issues are resolved??maybe you should sit down camly and discuss the issues that concern her and go from there

Answer 11

To err is human, forgivness is devine. From personal experience, her inability to forgive and forget will be the end of your marriage. Unless you cheated on her, if thats the case then you screwed the pooch on this one.