I'm in my late 20's and I recently got out of a 4 year relationship. I really thought that I was going to marry him. The first 3 years were bliss and the last year was awful. He met another woman and almost instantly his feelings shifted from me to her. He said that he can't help it if his feelings changed and he had to be honest with me and follow his heart. I'm glad now that we never got married. But, I'm confused because I hear all the time about people getting married after knowing eachother for 2 or 3 years and their marriage lasts. So, when I meet someone new, how do I know that it'll last forever?
2006-10-19 03:34:57 · 30 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's about values and maturity. Find a man who shares your values, someone who demonstrates an understanding of the meaning of commitment, who behaves responsibly in his life, who not only expresses goals for himself but works actively toward them. Then, if you fall in love with each other, it will last forever.
2006-10-19 03:38:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your man didn't seem to be ready for a commitment. For him to find someone and fall that quickly shows that. It is unfortunate that you had to spend 4 years of your life with him and he not be "the one". The reason why so many breakups occur after a marriage is because they were not completely honest when they were dating. They start to find out the bad habits they each have and don't like it. That's when the issues start.
When you meet a man and spend time with him it will become clear to you if he is worth the long haul. Nothing is ever certain and that is why we have to take our chances. Be honest and let him see you the good the bad and the ugly...LOL If he still stays around there is hope for the future. Hopefully what I said in the first paragraph will be of some help.
2006-10-19 10:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by mzbrwnskin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm right there with you wondering the exact same thing. I hear more and more stories about people who just change their feelings and walk away from their partner. How can you ever be sure?
My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years did this last week. We were living together and he just packed up and left in a day. He said he didn't want to get married anymore and just walked away leaving me to clean up the pieces.
I don't know if I'll ever trust again, or ever really was able to in the first place. I hear that when it's right you know, but I guess I haven't experienced that yet, or maybe it's just that my judgement is very bad!
I know this didn't actually answer your question. Message me if you need to talk because I know exactly what you are going through.
2006-10-19 10:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by apriljm76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really don't know. You just have to have faith in yourself and your significant other that you have a solid foundation to start your relationship. As time goes by - hopefully- the two of you build together more of the "home". See - foundation - home...If you see that that isn't happening, then you know this isn't the one for you. The person you pick should be your best friend. Someone that you can talk to for hours even after a couple of years. Someone that you not only love, but you like. I think these things should be very strong between the two of you for a healthy, loving, long lasting relationship. Look for yellow and red flags when you're first with someone. You know - the eerie feeling in the pit of your stomach? Always go with your gut feeling! Any flags - see ya buddy! Good Luck!
2006-10-19 10:49:10 · answer #4 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to put a different spin on this. Many people out here today are looking at the wrong things in what they want from a potential mate. I've looked at some of the other posts and I read guys saying a cute face, fat butt . . in the grand scheme of things those things mean nothing. Beauty is fading. That's not the glue that holds a relationship together. If you look for shallow things (window dressing) when selecting a mate, don't be disappointed when you discover that's all you have is "window dressing." I've noticed the right questions aren't being asked either -when you're dating someone, considering marrying them. . what kind of questions to do ask to see where their head is at. . how do they feel about abortion, God, domestic abuse, . . you can tell alot about a person by just talking. I am coming up on my second marriage, and this time around, I prayed for the man I wanted. . seriously, I gave God a list. . and I waited patiently until God sent him around and guess what I got exactly what I asked for. I didn't want a mansion built on sand, I wanted someone who had a solid foundation to offer - - -I wanted someone wouldn't be scared to be down in the trenches with me, working with me, beside me, for me. . not one of those when the going gets rough, and they get going types. . so I know this time I have a last-forever-love. Sometimes, it's about raising the bar. . we often settle in life.
2006-10-19 11:23:04 · answer #5 · answered by Cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, sorry for the recent break up first of all. And I am not married yet but will be in a year. I want to let you know that you never do know that it will last forever. I mean maybe had things been different that last year for you and your ex, who knows maybe you would have got married. Things just happen. Just go with the flow you will find someone, and maybe it will last forever or maybe not. Just enjoy LIFE either way!
2006-10-19 10:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never know if it is forever. We that have been married for longer times are in love and love every minute we have together. You hope forever but life can end for one and not the other so you love as much as you can. This might be why our marriages last forever as you say. It is because we treat each with all our love knowing that today could be all we have.
Don't try to find this forever your looking for find someone that you want do be with forever and love this person everyday as if it could be your last.
2006-10-19 13:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because we were both serious, religious, and knew that the commitment would be for forever. We wanted similar things, had similar values (though we are very different people), and wanted to raise children in a strong, moral, fun, family. We have done so, lo these 17 years and counting.
It's all in how you handle things - with communication, caring and understanding. We have gotten through some very tough times on all kinds of levels, but our love for each other - and hard work - has gotten us through, better off every time.
2006-10-19 13:51:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, no one ever 'really' knows if it's going to last forever. When my husband and I first got married, his fathers advice to him was (yes, I know this sounds horrible!) "Well.. if it doesn't work out you can always get divorced.".
That was almost 19 years ago, and we're still going strong. We pretty much just take things one day at a time. I always try to remember that it isn't all about 'me', and by giving him this type of caring attitude, he gives the same consideration to me.
It's not all romance and excitement, that's romantic love. Real love is what lasts. Real love is the thing that lets me say, "Yes, I know he isn't perfect (I can think of lots of ways he's not and I'm sure he can do the same with me!) but I love him anyway."
Eventually, when you can say that about someone, and you know that they can say that about you, you'll know you've got a good thing.
Best of luck to you. :)
2006-10-19 10:47:18 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good/lasting relationship does not always result in a good and lasting marriage because relationship and marriage are two different issues altogether. A marriage is the fusion/union of two persons of different personalities. The fusion/union is not in the exchange of rings or the saying of marital vows, but in the heart.
The heart is hidden but can be seen from expressions especially in unguarded utterances, attitudes and behaviours.
My advise is that you determine the kind of husband you want in terms of his total attributes, and prayerfully wait for him.
But you must remember that marriage is not about manipulating people is about accepting a person totally just as he is. It is a give and give thing. Don't expect your husband to change just because he is married to you. And if the man around you is inflexible in a lot of ways, please ' RUN'.
God bless.
2006-10-19 11:07:32 · answer #10 · answered by NEWMAN 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This day and age, you will not know for sure. I have been married for 13 years and we didn't think it would last. we fot married because I was pregnant and everyone thought it was a bad thing to get married because of that. all you can do is hope for the best and try as hard as possible to make it work.
2006-10-19 10:39:18 · answer #11 · answered by lwaite74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋