What are we to do?

Question

Our in laws watch our child while I am working They have been good to our child and always have went out of their way to help us, but I have tried to potty train our child and it seems like they just put diapers on her or if I try to wean our child off of a bottle they give her a bottle and she is over 2 and 1/2 years old!!!! Our pediatrician has even said it is bad for our child!!! I don't know why they would continue to do this!! I have tried to talk to my spouse about this and the response is this : I don't worry about things that are not "safety issues" if you have "control issues" then go see a counselor or maybe you should leave... my spouse told me that maybe I should leave as in move out/divorce... I can't believe it!!!!! I have tried in the past to talk to my spouses family about the issues at hand and the brush it off as my problem.. These shouldn't be that big of a deal but I do feel as though I should be respected - because what kind of example is this for my child??

Answer 1

Not a very supportive husband. Maybe you should surprise him and pack your stuff.

Answer 2

First of all you are not wrong for being concerned about your child's development. Without the proper guidance, and boundaries in place it could be just as harmful to a child as a busy highway is. Children learn from their parents what is proper and inproper behavior. If they dont get the guidance they need as a child, they can falter as an adult. Your concern is genuine, and not out of place. What your dealing is people who get gratification from the convenience of not saying no, and the reward of feelling needed when the child depends on them for things that they should be learning to do on their own(co dependency)
If gone unaddressed this issue can become much bigger than what you think is a simple difference of opinion. Do what you must, even if metaphorically speaking that means to put foot into someones ***. But do not let your child be subjected to what can be a very harmful means.
I wish you well, from somone who can realte, and has been there done that, and knows where it can lead.

Also keep in mind if you are in a relationship, and surrounded by people who do not respect you as a person, how long do you think it will take before your child treats you the same.

Answer 3

You are dealing with the situation from a position of powerlessness. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. If you are going to accept the expense-free child care, you're going to have to accept the way the providers (your in-laws) work. The only way to change the situation is to deal from a position of power, which is to say, put your child into a different day-care environment.

As to what your husband said, maybe you should ask yourself if you do have control issues. You say, "These shouldn't be that big of a deal," but YOU are making a big deal out of it. Either it's a big deal or it's not, so choose. If it's a big deal, say so, admit it, and do something about it; if not, shut up and keep saving all that money.

Answer 4

I wouldnt want my child to taking a bottle at 2 1/2 either but if you have to give up some control over what the in-laws do in order to watch your child. They are not the parents and arent required to parent them,.

Be happy that they love your child and keep her safe and that is what really matters. Dont worry your child wont go to kinder drinking a bottle and not potty trained.

As for your husband, he must want out if he is taking this as a issue between you and him instead of with your in-laws. I would worry more about your marriage than your child.

Answer 5

As far as the husband, sounds like he don't want to be married or have a family. Might be a good idea to ask him to move out for awhile. He is more devoted to his parents than his own family, until you make him wake up and be a real husband/family man he won't.

As for the grandparents, well they don't respect you and your child will end up the same way, if you keep letting them babysit her.

You need to do what is best for your child not their feelings or yours, no matter how hard it will be.

Find a babysitter outside of the family.

Do not let the grandparents be alone with the child at anytime, be their with her.

I had the same problem, husband wouldn't help fix it, so I did it by my self. My kids was never aloud to be alone with the grandparents ever, to this day they still are not and they are 16 & 20. My kids did and still do see the grandparents but not with out me, buttom line I had to protect my kids the best I could & nobody was going to get in my way, not even my husband, just because he didn't have enough guts does not mean I had to back down.

I wasn't mean or rude about it, I just told them they raised their kids, done their job and now it was my turn. To do what i thought was best for the kids.

Answer 6

Try and find a daycare for your child. Or if you can take a vacation to potty train and wean your child I'd do that. (weaning isn't hard...just don't give them the bottle anymore and potty training isn't too bad when you can give them constant attention for it) It definetly sounds like your in laws are the ones with control issues and you and your child are suffering for it. DON"T put up with it anymore. Good luck! ;-)

Answer 7

Hard one, this:
Your views about bringing up your children need to be respected. Tell the in-laws this! Stamp your feet & make a noise about it. If they still wont co-operate, look at a creche close by, where your views will be upheld.
If your spouse doesn't like it, tough! Tell your spouse to move out (probably back to mummy), and see what response that gets.
Failing all the above, find a counsellor who will mediate between you all, or the local family guidence centre.
Best of luck.

Answer 8

Holy hell!...That is seriously disrespectful!
You are in for a disaster if you don't get serious about this.
If your husband is speaking to you like this he has absolutely no respect for your feelings. Instead of requesting things from your in laws...Start telling/demanding that they adhere to what you want your child to have or not have. If they cant comply bite the bullet and take your child to a day care. You have to stand up for yourself and your child. And your husband should be doing the same for you. I suggest you do go to counseling for yourself to get some help with self esteem and what to do about your husband. You may need to re evaluate your relationship with this man.

Answer 9

If you're not happy with the level of care they give your child, find another child care provider. That's the only way you're going to be respected. It seems nobody respects what you're trying to do, even your husband. There's got to be more than this going on if he told you to leave. I would start looking at my relationship and see what's wrong, for him to say that and for his parents to totally disregard your wishes.

Answer 10

if you dont want your in laws to bring up your child,stay home and look after your child yourself