I realized recently that I'm not in love with my partner of 4 and a half years and I don't think I've ever loved him. We are together basically because of the kids. From the beginning I always thought he was a horrible kisser. I try not to kiss him during sex and I don't, or try not to, make eye contact because it feels so uncomfortable and I don't feel anything for him. Is this normal for some couples or is my conscience trying to tell me something?
2006-10-19 03:15:08 · 32 answers · asked by october g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the input. We are not married but have been together for 4.5 years. 2 young kids and expecting another. I'm sort of at a loss as what to do with our relationship in general. If you want more info plz refer to previous questions.
2006-10-19 03:38:01 · update #1
Yes, I am able.
Yes, I think it is normal for couples at some times to not look each other in the eyes. Think about how you go through phases not looking yourself in the eye in the mirror.
Treat your mate as an extended part of yourself, and show care and love from that perspective. This is healthy. Contrary to popular belief, marrying for the sake of the kids is loving: it shows you that you saw him to be loving enough to be a father to your children -- and you care enough for the kids to take care of them appropriately. You can build on that. Plus, you don't want to rip him from their lives now!!! That is heart-wrenching. But don't settle for what is occuring right now. Your relationship is thirsty.
Think deeply and answer yourself where you think love comes from. Where do you REALLY feel/know it comes from ultimately. Answering this from your inner-knowing-place, and trusting and following that answer, will lead you to being able to answer your own question and much more.
2006-10-19 03:24:22 · answer #1 · answered by LadyPom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't have eye contact or kissing then you have issues from your past or you are not meant to be with him. staying togeteher "for the kids" is actually a myth about the prosperity of the family. Only positive loving relationships can build a good future for the kids. If parents are happier apart, then the children will benefit more in the long run. Good luck and know that both you and your partner deserve the best relationship possible, even if not with each other(two people can parent children, be friends, and have other relationships that work if they are mature and adults about it-if ya'll are already married, try counceling first before parting ways).
2006-10-19 03:24:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say, your conscience is trying to tell you something. If this were a one night stand, you would have no problems looking him in the eye. The fact that you cannot look at a man you have been with for 4 and a 1/2 years tells me it is time for you to leave. People seem to want to stay together "for the kids", but your relationship is not good for the you, your husband, nor your kids. It sounds like you get along, so a divorce might not be too messy.
2006-10-19 03:27:56 · answer #3 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guy and I spend lots of time kissing and looking at each other during sex. It's a great turn on. While it's true the sex life slows down some after you've been married awhile, but what you are describing is more than just a slow down. Listen to your inner self, get counseling, have very open conversation with your partner, and see if you should really stay in this relationship. Don't stay just because of the kids, they will know as they get older if you do.
2006-10-19 03:23:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he still wants to do it, then he must be enjoying it. And as for the "not looking at the eyes" thing, I'm not so sure. Maybe he's shy. I don't know. :\ Oh and you said that this was "just sex" and there's nothing more to it. If he looks at you in the eye, then it would mean a whole different story, I think. It'd be like he fancies you. Like he loves you. But since it's just sex, theeeen...
2016-05-22 01:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop using the kids for an excuse to use him.
Them kids did not ask for this kind of relationship in their parents you gave it to them. Now you need to try and fix it or get out of it.
You should get counseling together. You might be going through a depression or something medical could be wrong with you like hormones, thyroid, stress, ect... you should get checked out.
Leaving him should be the last thing you do. Make sure their is no other option try to do any & everything you can to fix this first.
Couples give up way to easy now, its to easy to jump into bed with someone else.
What ever you decide to do is your choice but remember something made you want to be with him. What was it?
2006-10-19 04:23:10 · answer #6 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stayed in a marriage for 17 yrs, hated to go to bed because I did not want this man near me. If you are not feeling the love, let it go, it will not get better unless both of you are willing to make some HUGE changes to fall back in love, if you ever were.
The man I am with now fulfills my needs, I want him all of the time. Girl, love your kids, take some time for you and find your true love, the sex will become love making and it is MUCH BETTER.
Being with a man that does nothing for you sexually is disgusting (and you know what I am talking about) you need to be happy in all areas of your relationship.
2006-10-19 03:33:05 · answer #7 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can and do look my partner in the eyes during sex. Not like a constant stare or anything but just to look. It's so intimate. Damn girl how can you go without kissing? Even if I didn't love my husband I'd probably still kiss him when we made love.
2006-10-19 06:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kissing is often seen as more personal and initmate than sex..it's easier to sleep with someone for purely physcial reasons but impossible to snog someone you don't have feelings for. The fact you don't want to look your partner in the eye or kiss suggests you don't feel happy enough to get that personal with him. I would say it sounds like you should move on.
2006-10-19 03:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened once or twice it would be normal. But a constant thing isn't normal. YOur not being fair to him and he can tell you don't enjoy it as much. Be a real partner and talk with him about the kissing and PRACTICE! It took a while before I could look my partner in the eye. I was just self concious.
2006-10-19 03:17:53 · answer #10 · answered by :o) 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋