Would you return a cheap," recycled "gift to the giver?

Question

The giver is a lady I have known for just one year. For this past year, I have been overly generous towards her and her family. With my time, money, efforts, you name it. I recently gave her children expensive and thoughtful gifts, straight from the heart. She gave my child an outfit that clearly was given to her child 2 years ago. She lied to me about where she got it. When I finally figured out where she bought it from and tried to return it, I was told I could get a credit for only $2!! Its not like she couldn't afford it. They are quite well off. I just feel bad, because my generosity was wasted on them. I really didn't expect such cheapness from her. The outfit is too small for my child, but it would fit her child just fine. Is it ok for me to return it to her at this point? (My child's birthday was 2 weeks ago.) What would you do?

Its not the size or cost of the gift that matters. Any one can go out and purchase whatever they want to. I am bothered by her "thoughtlessness'. I would never give something like that to anyone I know.

Answer 1

I would just put it in the poor box, and give it to somebody who really needs it. Or you can simply tell her that the outfit doesn't fit your child, and see what she has to say. Or, you could hold on to it, and when the time comes give it back to her for a gift. Just say I liked it so much I went out and bought it for your kids too. (LOL)

Answer 2

Your aunt did the right thing. There was no point in sending you a gift card for a store you can't use where you live. You did the right thing by asking for an exchange. It would have been rude to exchange a gift you didn't like, but if you had already read the books, then it would have been fine to exchange them. In this case, you would have gotten money because you don't have that store where you live. If you had received the money, it would have been polite for you to spend it on books, since that's what your brother intended. Your brother has now not given you a gift. He has been very rude. If I were you, I would remember that next Christmas or at his birthday. Save your money by not getting him a gift!

Answer 3

No, I would not return it, and I would not let on to my child that the friend did anything wrong (oh, too bad it doesn't fit is okay). It is too difficult to judge others' levels of generousity and figure out what people can "afford." People have been brought up very differently in terms of what is appropriate to give, etc., plus you never know what financial battles are going on with her husband (which have more to do with power than finances, but can affect spending anyhow). Lying could be a cover for shame, which I would guess she feels.

I would suggest that you examine your own motives for giving. What are you looking for when you give, what is your reason? I really don't think that her gift to you should affect how you feel about your gifts to her, that sounds warped. But go ahead and examine your reasons, and if they don't fit in with your values, cut back on your giving and learn to say "no".

It is hard, I know, because I gave so much to people who wound up stealing from me. I severed the relationships. It hurt. I have had to relearn to open my heart to giving. But I'm better off, I'm in a better place, when I give. Sometimes it is to people who can't give back for whatever reason, but my giving doesn't go to waste because of that.

It is possible that I am not assessing your situation well. Only you can answer what is best for the relationship, but I sincerely hope that my considering your situation helps you!!

Answer 4

Never return a gift to anyone. It will only make a statement and hurt their feelings. If you are truely "giving" out of the generousity of your heart, then you would not feel as though "it was wasted on them". True friendship has no price tag. True friendship is an unconditional act out of love and respect. Perhaps she lied, because she was embarassed. Perhaps her financial situation is not which it seems to be. You can always donate the "un-wanted" gifts to a charity or someone in need, who will truly appreciate them. You should re-evaluate your feelings about this issue.

Answer 5

I would donate it to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. They are always looking for clothing for kids.
Even though your not supposed to expect something in return for a gift you give, I can see how this would be a little hurtful, because you think they can afford something nicer, but maybe they're not as well off as you think they are. Nobody knows other peoples financial situation the way they think they do. A nice house and car doesn't mean they have a lot of extra cash laying around. They may be in debt up to their eyeballs.

Answer 6

I would let it go. You never know what her reasons are. I fit is something wrong it will make her feel even worse. If she just has different motivational reason for buying a cheap gift. But gifts are suppossed to come from the heart. But sometimes soemone can't get the things they really want to give there loved ones.

Answer 7

Well if it doesn't fit then I'd return it to her and tell her it doesn't fit. If anything you could even put a little prussure on her asking her for the receipt so that you can exchange it. Be really nice about it but be persistent that you really would like to replace it. ("Oh I am just so dissappointed that you went to the trouble and it doesn't fit, I'd really love to get it to fit her.") Maybe she'll get the hint. It's rude for her to accept nice gifts from you and not put the same consideration into you and your kids.

Answer 8

if you invested time money efforts into this friendship hoping to get the same back then u got what u deserved. u give of yourself for no other reason then to do because u want to expecting nothing back. you don't really know what their finances are only what they appear to be. if someone thinks enough of u to give u anything then say thank you whether u can use it or not. returning it to her would only be mean and u may not know the whole story with this woman.

Answer 9

Generousity should be given because it's what you want to do and it makes you happy, not because you expect something in return. If you want something nice, go out and buy it yourself. You can't ever expect to get anything from anyone.

Answer 10

It was wrong of her to do yes , however if the reason we give is to receive in return than it's the wrong reason . Perhaps this was one of those lessons in life that we get from time to time .