My husband still loves me and finds me attractive but says he can't be with me.?

Question

my husband and I have been together for 9 years. Over the last year our relationship has been a little 'rocky'. He has been waiting for me to ask him to move back in and just as I was at that point he dropped the bomshell that he couldn't be hurt anymore and just wanted us to be very special friends. Our relationship has always been based on being good friends but our intimate relationship was also very good.

He tells me that he still loves me and finds me both physically and sexually attractive. I have tried talking to him about where it went wrong and my lack of communicaiton with him and showing not showing him how much I loved and cared for him but he has said that he want change his mind and just wants us to be friends as there is no 'spark' yet he still finds me attractive!

I am at a loss to know what to do and it is hurting very much.

Any advice welcome!

Answer 1

Not to be a pessimist but it sounds like there might be someone else. I am sorry that you are hurting.

Answer 2

When a relationship is a "little rocky" and one of the members moves out...and that person is waiting to be invited back into what should already be a shared environment (home)...it seems as though things are a bit more than a "little rocky". If your relationship has been based on being "good friends then it appears that you twwo have different ideals as far as friendship. A person could find another person physically and sexually attractive, but if the emotional support or attraction is not there the relationship could be just as well handled without the other person. You both need to agree to discuss the real issues..without any name calling or put-downs. Friends should be able to do that...other wise you are only acquaintences.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you, Seahorse, There is nothing on earth that hurts more than a relationship gone wrong. The thing that we women do wrong is to try too hard to save it. Tragically, if the spark is gone for one of the party, you will do more harm than good to pressure him for another chance. The best you can do is to distance yourself from him. Let him think you have discovered other interests (men especially!) Perhaps that will shake him up, perhaps it will not. Whatever the case, you don't want a husband that is just not that into you, do you?

Answer 4

Your husband is really trying to let you down easy!! I think there is probably another women and he is not telling you just to spare your feelings. If he loves you so much and the feelings are still there he should be willing to work it out with you. Try again and this time offer him to go with you to counseling at your church or someplace else. Never give up on marriage because you made a promise to God "TIL DEATH DO YOU PART"!!!!

Answer 5

I would say since he was up front with you, just take the pain it doesn't last forever and go on with your life. Sometimes men want you to be confused so you won't go on. Do yourself a favor sometimes breakups are for a good reason. You might just bump into Mr. Right because apparently he must be Mr. Wrong if he's hurting you.

Answer 6

Is he making or helping with the mortagage payments? Is he contributing anything to the household despite the fact he isn't there?
Or...is it he doesn't have to do so but you're still his wife and sexual partner so he has all of that but no responsibility to you?

That's what it sounds like. The old "show up when I feel like it , when I feel like it" situation and have no other responsibilities or such regarding bills or the general upkeep and payment for the house/apartment.

Answer 7

i was once in the same situation....only on the other side of where you are. it probably cant be put into words what he is feeling, but i do think you have a chance. i think you should consider counsiling of some sort... to talk about your long term goals.. to find common ground and to start building back on that. and dont be afraid to talk about intimacy- if the spark isnt there now, maybe it could be re-lit

Answer 8

costly, one concern is obvious which you have been extremely stable looking and eye-catching becos he does no longer have married you in any different case. So by no skill doubt your prettyness. that's extremely organic that what a individual sounds like on the age of 18 does no longer look like whilst he or she is 30 and does no longer look like a similar way whilst he or she reaches the age of 40 or above. actual changes are organic and are something that are guaranteed to take place with cases. So are the changes which happen to a girl till now and after marriage. changes additionally ensue after transforming into a mom of young ones. those actual changes are inevitable. however the greater effective fat which think ofyou've have been given on after transforming into the mummy of your babies is something which you would be able to get away with, provided you artwork out. I propose well being workouts and by way of controlling your nutrition intake. Dont provide up eating yet regulate your weight-alleviation plan. i'm no longer asking you to pass to well being center or pass out for strolling. All you may desire to do is merely 15 to twenty minutes. of well being workouts and that too a pair of times an afternoon. in spite of everything merely 15 to twenty minutes. of unfastened hand workouts might nicely be accomplished by way of you interior the finished 24 hrs in an afternoon. merely play some track and close the door of your room and do your workouts. have faith me, in merely month or 2 you would be diverse from what you at the instant are. And undergo in ideas one concern, in case you dont initiate your workouts/ well being, the whole life will pass by way of and you will strengthen greater fat yet once you initiate off your well being workouts then merely see in a month or 2 the substitute in your self. What i'm asserting is that in case you dont workout consultation your life will pass by way of and you may strengthen greater fat yet once you initiate at present with a variety, then you definitely will honestly be a replaced individual in a merely month or 2. Now its as much as you what you may desire to do. And one greater concern, appearences do substitute yet innerself shouldn't substitute. The innocense interior is something that's favored by way of all people and if the innerself is organic and harmless then it is going to replicate from you. Bye and take care

Answer 9

Can you spell b-a-l-o-n-e-y? This sounds like a lot of gobbldey ****. Tell him you want to get into marriage counseling right away so this can become clear. Otherwise, I would seriously consider that this relationship is over. Sorry to be blunt, but any man who twists and turns like that is lying to you.

Answer 10

if he still finds you physcially and sexually attractive, but just wants to be friends, then something is not right - he most likely has a girlfriend, and is trying to let you down easy - any man that finds a woman sexually atrractive will jump into her bed with her if she is willing & it sounds like you are willing, so i would not believe him.