My husband is 13 years younger than me. We have been married 18 years and have a daughter together who is 16. Last year I caught him cheating. He told me it was an error of judgement, shouldn't have done it etc. but that he would leave home because he felt suffocated by marriage, that I was possessive, he often wondered why he wished he wasn't married, he had never owned anything in his own right, that I challenged him for leadership. After 8 months he moved out to his own place, but now is back every weekend, is good to me, takes me out, is a lot calmer to deal with. If he wants his freedom, why does he make plans for our future? He makes it sound like its temporary, but when I say that if by the new year nothing is sorted out then we should divorce and separate our assets, he gets upset and says he will not be given ultimatums as he is taking each day as it comes. He wants to become a better person and sort himself out but can only do it if he is away. I don't know what to believe.
2006-10-19 02:28:41 · 19 answers · asked by Joanna C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move on.....he doesnt know what he wants.and waiting will cost you and your daughter emotionally and financially at the end of the day....you sound as though you have your head on straight.....keep it that way.
2006-10-19 02:31:54 · answer #1 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of men have a problem with the number 40.
sounds to me as if your husband wants the best of both worlds.
he wants to be single and he don't want you to move on..
He is telling you he is making plans for your future so that you don't move on. He wants to control you by doing little things for you to keep you where he wants you and is able to come home when he wants to..he may be easier to deal with this way but i don't think you want to waste your time waiting on him to make up his mind.. he wants to feel in contoll of everything.. He has just turned the tables on you from you being possessive to him being possessive. he should have had him self sorted out before he got married in the first place.. he is playing you girl..
Stick by your deal of if things don't change by the new year. that you seperate your stuff and move on.. you are already seperated that he has his own place and only comes around when he wants to so at the end of the year make your final decision and start the new year either with him or with out him.. and stick by it so he knows that you are serious.. he will either move back in or you will be divorced to move on and have your own life where you can be happy Remember you daughter will be out of the house in a couple of years going to college and starting her life you don't want to be stuck alone and lonely because he can't decide if he wants to be a grown up and live a married life.
sorry things are so bad right now.. don't let him play games with you.. you deserve better.
2006-10-19 02:55:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but I don't agree with everyone here except papasahn.....your husband want to wear the pants in the family, and you will not let him. That is how he was wired, whether you like it or not. And that is why he cheated too, NOT that that is a goodexcuse, because there aren't any.....let HIM be the MAN of the house, and yes, he will make mistakes with that...no big deal, and he will come around. Every King needs a Queen, believe it. You can turn this around, if you really want to.
You don't have to take my advise, but I agree with that other "answer-er" papasahn...you can make this work or you can listen to all these women who really don't understand men.
Good Luck!!!!
2006-10-19 02:44:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants his own life but he wants you there in case it all goes wrong.
Divorce him now, things can carry on, he can still pop round at the weekends.
Of course he doesn't want an ultimatum cos then he'd have to be a grown up and live his life without you as a safety net.
You're already mum to a 16 yr old, do you want to be mum to a 41 year old as well?
Get rid of him now he's only hanging on so he doesn't have to pay you any money for your childs upkeep
2006-10-19 02:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by madamspud 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It could be a midlife crisis. But in my opinion( which i know means nothing to a stranger) I think he is enjoying having the best of both worlds. He has you when he wants and his freedom. I thought relationships were to make both parties happy? Are you happy with this arrangement?
2006-10-19 02:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by R C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like you are a controll freak and have some need to call all of the shots. If you love him and want to continue to be with him then back off. You said your self that things got better once he left, maybe its because he finally feels like hes actually in charge of himself.
2006-10-19 02:33:54 · answer #6 · answered by teenypurplebinky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl..wake up...he cheated on you and now he has moved out.
Kick him out and start a new life..he's no good. I know its hard
but the fact that he wanted to move out and visits on weekends
is not acceptable..it sounds like he still has something going
on at the side...and you deserve better..
Say goodbye to him and find better...ok..good luck!
2006-10-19 02:34:34 · answer #7 · answered by Katie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well there's a saying in men that life begins at 40...thats why your hubby is starting to look for a life... thats the age where most of men cheat.... he is now under that crisis..
2006-10-19 02:41:27 · answer #8 · answered by ely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just wants you hanging around until he figures out what he wants. He sounds spoiled to me. Everything has to be his way or no way. Do what you feel is good for you. If it includes him good, if not that's good too.
2006-10-19 02:34:33 · answer #9 · answered by doglady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'M SURE HE IS CALMER,I WOULD BE TO IF I COULD DO ANYTHING I WANTED WHEN I WANTED. I TELL YOU WHAT YOU START LIVING LIKE THAT GO ON DATES WITH OTHER MEN AND SEE HOW QUICK THAT LITTLE CRISIS END S .MAYBE ITIS YOUR TIME TO HAVE A LITTLE CRISIS WHERE HE CAN SEE HOW IT FEELS.
2006-10-19 02:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by ga44male 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋