would you feel different for your first child if they killed your new baby?

Question

My husband came home and asked me if i read the paper today,A couple he knows two week old baby just died and i asked how he said you don't want to know because we have a three week old.I said yes tell me well apparently the mom went to take a bath and left the baby in the living room with her three year old and told her not to mess with the baby.The three year old tried to pick the baby up and dropped him there was a footstool beside the bassinet and baby hit his head on it.I told my husband thats why i don't let our other two children hold our baby yet and i don't dare leave the room with them in there and the baby alone.I really won't even consider letting them hold the baby now.So my question is would you feel different about your child even if you didn't want to and you knew it was an accident.But you told the child not to touch the baby and something tragic like this happened because they didn't obey you?

i agree that its the moms fault she should have known better.

i hope this raises some awareness to new mothers with other children maybe prevent it from happening to someone else.

Answer 1

That is too sad. I'd feel more sad for the first child who made a mistake. I wouldn't be angry at him/her just sad. This little person will have to spend the rest of his/her life knowing he/she killed someone. It's so unfortunate. When there is an accidental death I've heard you might as well kill both of them because the person who made a mistake already has a dead spirit. I can only imagine the trouble this little person is going to have growing up.

More then anything I would be mad at myself. I could have prevented this from happening but I didn't. I was taking a bath while my child was dying. I wasn't there for him/her. I would probably feel guilty for the rest of my life for letting this tragedy to happen. It's my fault my first child will have any psychological issues. It's MY fault the baby is dead. Had I just took the baby in the bathroom with me or put him high up in his crib this would never happen. I would probably be traumatized as well after seeing my poor child dead on the floor.

All I can say--there is no reason for the woman to feel angry towards her child. This is too unfortunate it really has made me sad! In no way am I blaming the mother but that's how I would feel. It was an honest mistake from both the mother and child. It's just too bad! Thanks for posting this--it's really got me thinking about leaving my boys together in the same room for a while.

Answer 2

Let’s see! How many parents have 3 years old that obey everything they are asked not to do? A reasonable person would assume that the percentage of time that the child does not obey would be the risk that you are taking when instructing the child to follow a new command. Well, if this child had obeyed 100 percent of the times before and this time was the only he did not. Whose fault is it? How can one feel different toward a child that does not have the mental capacity to grasp the consequences of this disobedience? One can only regret for putting the child on such dire circumstance. Or maybe one can think - if I, twenty/thirty/forty or whatever age does not have the mental capacity to know that an infant should not be left alone with an older infant maybe that older infant does not have the mental capacity to foresee the consequences of disobeying. Life is a learning trek. Some of us learn by listening; others learn by experience. There not way to blame the mother because we do not know all the circumstance. When an event like this happens of course one cannot avoid feeling diferent. Some according to their understanding will feel diferent in a bad way and others in a good way. As per me, it is not the child fault. I would make sure that he/she knows that. I would love him even more.

Answer 3

OMG this breaks my heart. I too have a 3 year old and a new baby (8 weeks) and I never leave my kids alone together for that exact reason. My son is very well behaved and loves his little so much, but he is still only 3 and just like any other 3 year old he get curious and might try to "help" her like that. I can't understand how a mother would be so naive as to think that a 3 year old is responsible enough to be left alone with a baby. I guess that just goes to show you can never be too cautious. I would most certainly not blame a 3 year old for that type of accident, they understand right from wrong in most cases but understanding dire consequences is just beyond them at this point. It's such a tragedy.

On another note, can you possibly imagine the kind of therapy that poor child is going to need for the rest of his life to cope with this? It is a tragedy in every sense.

Answer 4

I don't think I would feel any different towards my older child if something happened to the baby (if in fact the oldest was only 3 or 4). But, if I decide to take a shower or do something for myself and the kids are awake (ages 2 and 6 months), I make sure that the baby is in his bed and the door closed so the oldest can't get to the baby.

I think there was a CSI episode about this also. It happens. And since when do 3 year olds listen to anyone when they are told to "not mess" with anything? That is almost like telling them TO do something.

Answer 5

What a horrible tragedy. I can't even imagine how I would feel or cope with that. Of course, you can't blame the 3 year old, and I'm sure the mother never even thought that something like that might happen or she never would have left the toddler with the baby for even a minute. It's hard enough for me with one baby to get a shower in. There have been several days that I just wasn't able to shower at all because my baby was so fussy and needed me and when my husband would come home from work he was tired and would go to bed early. I'm sure this mother was probably just desperate to take a few minutes to get clean and now she's paying the ultimate price because of her lapse of judgement. That's got to be a horrible thing to live with the rest of your life.

Answer 6

No way. The child was only 3 and doesnt know any better. I would blame myself for being stupid and leaving a 3 week old with a 3 year old while I went to take a bath. She should have put her 3 week old into a carrier and put the baby next to the tub with her. Its the mothers fault. Not the childs. I wouldnt feel any differently about my child.

Answer 7

WEll, I think that the mother shouldn't have left the 3 year old aolne. If you tell a 3 year old not to touch someone or something, they are going to do it anyways. They really don't know the concept of what could happen. I don't think the 3 year old meant to do this horible thing, but I also don't think the mother should have gone to take a bath and leave them alone. She should have waited until they were sleeping for their naps. I also don't think the mother should feel different about her 3 year old for doing this. I don't think she should not love that child any less, but I do think that if she wants to be mad at somebody for doing this, she should blame herself. I can't even imagine how the 3 year old must feel inside, and how the mother must feel. It's very sad to think about. I'm sorry for their loss.

Answer 8

That question can not be answered honestly by anyone unless they have had it happen too them.
I feel so sad for the mom of this baby, she will always blame herself. The 3 year old can't be blamed, she is still a baby herself, and she had no ideal really that her actions would cause the death of this baby.

Answer 9

I wouldn't dare be mad at my child, who in their right mind leaves a 3 year old alone with a newborn? It's the mom's fault 100% and if she is going to blame anyone she needs to blame herself. He's only 3. It's not that your other children can't hold your baby, just make sure you or your husband is around. Chidren can be very jealous of newborns, and its make them feel like they are really helping if they can hold the baby. My 3 year old nephew use to hold my daughter when she was a newborn, but he would have to sit on my lap or his mothers and we would place her on him, but we would have her guarded.

Answer 10

The three year old did not have any intention of hurting the new baby and should not be blamed or be made to feel responsible. I would blame myself before I would blame a child for the accident.
As adults we are solely responsible for the care and raising of our children and should make that responsibility our number one priority, twenty-four seven. I would hope that the parents of the three year old would enter into counseling to learn to help the three year old, as well as themselves cope with their loss. May God bless anyone who has to go through a tragedy of this magnitude.