I don't feel like I can trust my wife anymore. She's keeping secrets from me and not being honest. She rarely talks to me, and usually when she does we end up fighting. She won't hug me or touch me. If I make the first move she might let me hug her but it feels cold and distant. We haven't tried counseling yet, but it's been brought up. I just don't see how counseling would help enough at this point. I waver between wanting to try and make things work and just giving up and throwing in the towel. How do I know when it's time to cut my losses and tell her I want a divorce?
2006-10-19 01:17:02 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, in 2002 to 2004 I was feeling this from my then wife of 7 years. But then she had developed a lesbian relationship with a coworker so my situation splits from yours at this point. Try counseling. If she goes then she's obviously interested in patching things up. Counseling is like the last step. And I'll tell you, going with her will give you a piece of mind. Even if things don't work out and you can't reconcile your differences, at least you know in your heart you gave it your all and can move on with certainty and confidence. Good luck. Yo have a hard emotional road ahead.
2006-10-19 01:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty and trust are a main component of marriage in my opinion, so once trust is gone, the marriage is also. Try counseling. What is there to loose? Other than 6 months less of being a bachelor. Maybe try doing the things you use to do back when you were dating, bring back the spark that brought you guys together in the first place. Maybe that will help her to open up. Also in my own experience. If she is keeping stuff from you it may be because she thinks your keeping things from her. You all need to have a "***** session" and just yell and scream, get all the emotions and secrets out and start building from there. But that is all only going to work if you want it too. If you are still on the fence on throwing the towel in then you really need to make a decision.
2006-10-19 01:22:21 · answer #2 · answered by inchantedfriend 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her, try counseling before you talk about a divorce. You don't say how long you have been married and how old you are, but maybe it's just a rough patch....a little spot in the road that can be cleared with some good ole hardwork. Are you in need of some excitement in your life again? Is she in need of some romance and not just sex? It sounds like communication between the two of you isn't the greatest.....I would be asking what's up with not being physical, like hugging and kissing anymore. If you can't picture yourself living one day without her in your life then try counseling, so that you know you tried everything possible to salvage the relationship. Don't give up too easy!! If it doesn't work out, take a good look at what went wrong with you guys and try and not repeat the same stuff in your next relationship....and take it sloooooowly into the next one!! Good luck!
2006-10-19 01:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way counseling will work is if the both of you truely want to make things work out. If she refuses the counseling then if it were me I would give up. How long can one handle the distance and the coldness?
If you guys go to counseling don't expect it to be fixed over night. Expect to have some work to do. Remember the both of you must work at it, it is not a one ended deal.
Good luck to you and I am sorry to hear that things are not going so well for you.
2006-10-19 01:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Peanut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to go to marriage counseling, if you really would like to try to make it work. Nobody said life was easy. If you love her and she loves you (which it doesn't sound good on her part) then you need to give it a shot. What has she done that you feel you can't trust her? If the counseling doesn't work out, then get out you both deserve to be happy. Good Luck
2006-10-19 01:28:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey bro...don't throw in the towel until "You" did everything you can to keep it together...I would give counciling a shot, you never know...It's a hard choice to make, I know...The thing is,if you walk away from it now without trying everything you can,you will always carry around with you if it was your fault...To be honest with you,that sux...If she is willing to go to counciling do it...If things work great if not, come to an amicable split...Divorce is not a cut and dry deal..It does get messy...My wife after almost 13 years still won't sign the papers and she ended up with everything..So don't walk away until you gave it yor all.I wish you all the luck...
2006-10-19 01:26:20 · answer #6 · answered by Frank D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to mend a marriage when only one partner is sincere in the efforts. She's argumentative when you press her because she has a guilty conscience and wants to divert your attention away from her.
Counseling will work only if the both of you really want to heal something. It doesn't sound like she does.
If you are in a position to get a divorce then give it to her. She will either be scared into realizing what she stands to lose or she will go along with it because it is truly what she wants.
2006-10-19 01:36:37 · answer #7 · answered by kane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you breathe a big sigh of relief when she leaves the house.... or when you say "oh crap, she's home already" when she comes back.... when you've exhausted every possible attempt at repair.... and when you feel as distant toward her as you seem to think she feels from you.... and when you can look her in the eye and feel nothing remotely loving towards her... thats when you cut your losses. Counseling can improve communication and resolve some conflict.... but it cannot bring back love.
2006-10-19 01:25:19 · answer #8 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is being this way to you then you should sit and talk with her and discuss how you truly feel. If the two you are not able to do it on your own without ending up into a fight then you should go with her to a counselor and discuss it then. But I really believe that it would be much better for the both of you if you guys would sit down and discuss this matter calm-cool & collective with just one another one-on-one.
Good Luck!
2006-10-19 02:36:06 · answer #9 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give counseling a try. If there is still resentment, then cut and run.
And at the session, tell the counselor that you feel that if this doesn;t work, you must get a divorce. It will at least focus attention
2006-10-19 01:20:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋