after a 2 yr courtship that had many lies about my guys activity with other women, strippers and porn (which I like also, but not when he sits in front of the computer and gets himself off and our sex life is next door to non existant) Anyway, I married him 3 months ago, and I have moved to another country to support him and his job. since the marriage, and on the honey moon, he continued to get my name wrong in bed. now, I find out that he is coming home from work and sitting in front of the computer again and like a child scared of his mother, deleting the history, lying to me about what he has been up to (c'mon now, what adult hasnt - i understand this part, but not the content of the videos, either really, really young (as in portrayed to be 13-14)or up the ass stuff anyhow, that leaves him very 'uneventful' for me. Long story short he has been caught in approx 40 differnt lies to me, i think 10-20 have been since the wedding. what should I do?
2006-10-18 23:29:12 · 22 answers · asked by Calli 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How could one give a answer to a question that is so out of reach of a competent answer unless you are a professional in these matters. You seem to have known what you were getting into when you married him. Were you thinking that he was normal enough for you because you also liked porn? You have described a man that is absolutely addicted to porn. He also seems to have a sick thing about children. That right there should be enough for you to pack-up and get the hell away from him. You seem to be worried only about the fact that you are not getting enough sex from him. You have a lot more to worry about than that! He is a habitual liar so it seems to me no matter what advice I give to you like, talk to him about what's going on with him and can he give it up for you so you can have sex with him too, would just be a mute point because obviously you would NEVER know if he is lying or telling you the truth. You both desperately need to seek Mental Health counseling because none of what you have described about your sexual relationship and your marriage is Normal, not even close to it. Pornography has become a problem for a lot of people so do not feel you two are alone in this. There is a place for pornography in your life if you enjoy it but sounds to me like this had developed into a SICKNESS for him. Get out and away from him. Get help for yourself and forget him. I wish you luck.
2006-10-18 23:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know what you have to do in this situation. As u say we are all adults and have all looked at porn etc but if ur man is now using it as a substitute to sex with you then he has crossed a line.
Sex is something sacred between a couple. I believe it is the most intimate thing a couple will experience and if u want to watch porn etc it should be something that is done as a couple to spice things up so to speak.
Also, the fact that you have moved to another company to support your husband makes it all the worse. He should understand what a big move this has been 4 u and all the things u have gave up 2 be by his side.
Follow ur heart as I am sure it is telling u that u can do much better than this man. U deserve to be with a man that adores u and puts u 1st before anything else....especially pornos.
Hope u manage to build up the courage to do what u know has to be done!
All the best!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2006-10-19 06:37:08 · answer #2 · answered by fat_arse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was lying to you before you got married why would you think he would stop. If he's not hiding something, he wouldn't have to delete the history. A marriage should be open and honest. Tell him you think he has something to hide since he is deleting the history, tell him you would like to watch it with him and see what he says. If he says no then he is definately hidding something and that is not good in a marriage. If watching porn is taking away from you sex life then you must seek marriage counceling. Good Luck I hope everything works out for you.
2006-10-19 07:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As with any bad marriage, you will finally get the courage to leave only when you have totally had enough. I was married for 13 years to a man who was mentally unstable and abusive. I made excuses for him over and over. One day, I had had enough. I walked out and even though it was hard (court cases, custody battles, child support issues etc) I have never been happier.
It may be a start that you have questioned the relationship now, but realistically, you know it's poison, you just haven't had enough yet. Good luck with your future and I hope you make the right decision and live a fulfilling life with someone who loves and appreciates you.
2006-10-19 06:39:10 · answer #4 · answered by jewel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage from hell this one. It's not to late if he is prepared to work with you on the relationship. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable finding these porn sites, especially the ones with young kids, and its time to stop. Remind him accessing child porn is illegal, and l wonder if he is sharing it. There is no excuse though for getting your name wrong while having the occasional sex you indicate you have had. Are you familiar with the name he uses? This may indicate that he may be already cheating. I feel sorry for you, and hope you have family you can confide in. Good luck, but things are not looking promising
2006-10-19 06:38:53 · answer #5 · answered by marcus p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you knew all of this about him before you married him and people don't change that easily. So now it is up to you or rather you can deal with it or not. If you can't deal, then leave, but like I said before you knew he did it. Personally if my bf/husband were looking at kid porn I would get the authorities involved and I am guessing yall don't have kids and if you did, I would keep him away from them. This man sounds sick and your knew this. We can't tell you what to do, you need to do what you think is best for you. Look in your heart and do what it right, Good luck.
2006-10-19 13:14:49 · answer #6 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just get out of the marriage what if he sleeps around and gives you a disease or has inappropriate contact with younger people. Look at the whole picture you can not raise have kids and raise a family with that sort of person. It will be easier to start over in the long run. You can not stay in a relationship with out trust he will just drag you down with him.
2006-10-19 06:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by mistiful2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you deserve so much more from life, but will never get it as long as your married to him, he lies so he can avoid any confrontation, or having to be accountable, unless he is willing to admit that there is a problem than he will never be able to stop what he is doing. you need trust in a marriage, you need to feel safe, i can't think you are feeling very safe right now. time to cut your losses now, and move on, the sooner you move on the sooner your life will be better, if this started so soon into the marriage think what it will be like in a few years from now.
2006-10-19 06:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would question why you feel the need to still defend him. You appear to come last on his list. I would almost bet you always put him and his needs first. I can not stand to be lied to. If you can't trust a person to tell you the truth about small things, you can never trust them on major issues. Trust is one of the most important things in any relationship, and it doesn't sound like you two have that.
2006-10-19 06:36:25 · answer #9 · answered by Qusan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you knew he was a liar. Did you hope that by marrying him he would all of the sudden change from a snake to a man? You only have yourself to blame for putting yourself in a situation like this. You are the only person who can fix it. Hopefully your still have friends and family who will help you move.
2006-10-19 07:32:54 · answer #10 · answered by lady01love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋