he tried to deny it and got really embarassed, his sexual fantasies include men, i believe he is bi- curious but he said its just a joke and wanted to see my reaction, but when we get intimate he talks about having sex with men!! shall i let him have his fantasies or leave him??
2006-10-18 21:30:14 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is homosexual. I would definitely leave him.
2006-10-18 21:32:09 · answer #1 · answered by jamie2341 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he's bi-curious, it doesn't mean he's bisexual or homosexual. We're all turned on by different things. Fantasies are fantasies and they're most often things that we would be very unlikely to carry out.
I would talk to him about it, but I wouldn't leave him. He needs to come clean with you or you'll both suffer. If you're uncomfortable with it to the point where you feel you have no choice than to leave him, then do what's best for you. But in general, I don't think sexual fantasies matter nearly as much as how he treats you and how you feel about each other. I'd rather my man look at gay porn than cheat on me or mistreat me.
2006-10-18 21:38:16 · answer #2 · answered by unchained melody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your short narration of events, I can't fully guarantee that your husband is a bi-curious. Sometimes, men acts aberrantly in their sexual fantasies but these occur occassionally. According to psychological researches, men have homosexual fantasies. These are manifested in their dreams or dealings with fellow men.
You mentioned that your husband talks about having sex with men. And it seems he isn't joking. With what he said, it seems to me that there is a higher probability for your husband to be a bisexual than being straight.
You are the wife. You live with your husband so among anyone else, you know, you can feel and definitely you are sure who/what your husband really is.
I think your final question about whether you have to leave him or not is best answered by the very reason you married him... LOVE. If because of a few incidents (you caught him browsing gay pornsites and hearing talking about wanting to have sex with men), you finally realise you don't love him anymore, then go ahead... leave him. But if you still have hesitations about your feeling towards him, give it a time to reflect, ponder and analyse things over. If our suspicion is correct that your husband is bi-curious, then he is right now in a battle. A battle of his sexual nature. You being the wife is the closest person who can help him. If you think that you can tolerate giving him up, then leave him but if you see a flicker of hope in his case, please help him. (help him by talking to him, showing him that you love him and that he's lucky to have you, spend some more moments with him)
After awhile, if things are getting worse and your tolerance has gone dry, you can leave him.
2006-10-18 21:45:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lars Ulrich 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Was there ever a time when you suspected he might be homosexual or bi-sexual, before you got married? A lot of women look back (hindsight is 20/20 so they say) and think to themselves that their husbands were sending out all the signals, but the wives just didn't to pick up on them.
Have a serious talk with him. Tell him exactly what you think, without accusing him of anything. He may be deeply closeted due to family, friends, career etc. Or else he may just be bi-curious, and he's simply feeling the embarrassment of being 'caught'.
But ask him to be very HONEST with you and that it's only fair, for your sake and his!
2006-10-18 21:38:43 · answer #4 · answered by olliebee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until I read that he talks with you about having sex with men, I was gonna say just looking at gay porn doesn't mean your gay any more than a gay person getting off on straight porn means they're straight. And some do look at straight porn.
But since he actually seriously talks to you about having gay sex, he's clearly bisexual or gay. In fact why did you marry a guy who's into men? Did you take his gay-like behavior I'm sure he displayed before you got married as a sign of a good sensitive, understanding guy?
2006-10-18 21:33:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Let him have his fantasies as long as he doesn't cheat on you. I mean, he was willing to share them with you. Ask him when it started and if he's ever had any experiences before. But ask him if he's curious or gay. That could be a big issue with him in the future - whether or not he'll stay faithful to you as a husband.
2006-10-18 21:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your gut...You do know your hubby. Some fantasies are just that; slightly to extremely kinky things to think about, but nothing you would really want to happen in reality. Talk to your husband, without accusations. Counseling is also an option. But if you fear for your health and safety, RUN!
2006-10-18 21:37:49 · answer #7 · answered by motown_annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what it is like to be a rump ranger? is it anything like being a power ranger...I am kidding of course ....Maybe he is bisexual, by maybe i mean absofreakinlutely..Is something you could except? if so, and you are happy and in an otherwise healthy relationship it may be okay..If on the other hand ...He is one of the (old School) gay guys that got married because of society expectations ...then that is an impossible situation...
Finding out just who you are married to is really important, You are kind of married to an illusion , it is not what it seemed....Be strong and best of luck...sorry about the rump ranger joke....
2006-10-18 21:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by LENNON3804 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well bi curious is just a fag who has not done it yet! My guess is he is a toilet cruiser and chokes down the sausage. Avoid unprotected sex with him and slip along and get tested. Start checking policies and getting the finances in order. I will not point the finger, but maybe the weight gain and lack of sexual adventure in the marriage drove him to it xx
2006-10-18 21:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it would be a bit harsh to leave your husband just because he was looking at gay porn. Just because he was looking at gay porn DOES NOT MEAN HE IS GAY. He could be bi or he could just be curious. I have known other men to be like this and it's disappointing there is still such a stigma attached to "I look at gay/lesbian porn so I must be gay/lesbian myself". And I don't think there is anything wrong in indulging in his fantasties - as long as they stay just that and he doesn't start spending excessive time with other men!
2006-10-18 21:39:51 · answer #10 · answered by mmasseychase 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A lot of people have fantasies that they wouldn't really want to act out. Don't jump to conclusions, but if he seems to never stop talking about men, then it's a problem that really needs to be addressed. Good luck!
2006-10-18 21:33:16 · answer #11 · answered by nonnygoats 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋