I’ve been best friends w/this girl for 15 yrs. She moved in ‘97, and though we kept in touch, we have rarely seen each other since. 2 yrs or so ago, I realized I was in love w/her. But since I hardly saw her & didn’t even get to talk to her that often, it was easier for me to kind of push the thoughts of her to the side for the most part.
She’s 100% straight. She knows I’m gay, and is totally cool with it. She’s told me in the past that if she were gay she’d definitely date me. She also told me that if I ever fell in love with her that she’d go crazy, but that she’d never diss me.
Now she has moved back to the area to live w/her boyfriend (whom she’s due to have a baby with in a couple months). I know I should be happy to have her back, but I’ve found myself avoiding her cause I know that if I start hanging out with her again, my feelings for her will continue to grow. And since there’s no hope of us being together, I’ll just be hurt, and be reminded of that pain every time I see or talk to her. What should I do?
Do I keep my mouth shut and go ahead and pretend everything’s all right at the expense of my feelings? Do I tell her what’s going on, and risk making things awkward between us? How should I deal w/this situation?
2006-10-18 21:24:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you're 100% sure that you're indeed in love with your best friend, then I think you should go ahead and tell her the truth. Just don't expect anything from her. I believe she deserves to know the truth, instead of you shying away from her for no apparent reason. Just try not to let this affect your friendship with her. Ask this from her, too. Best of luck!
2006-10-18 21:55:17 · answer #1 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aside from your feelings, you have also to consider her feelings for you. Since you mentioned that she has a boyfriend and soon will be having their baby, then the best option for you is to take this into consideration. If you truly love her, you will be happy that she has found her love. You will be noble enough to forget your feelings for her and move on. There is no wound that time cannot heal. If you feel you will not be able to maintain even the friendship by being near her, then distance yourself from her for sometime and circulate to meet new women. There is always someone for somebody if you are really destined to get married. What is meant to be will be. But if you have enough will and determination, why break a good friendship because you cannot forget your feelings? I may give all the advices that i know of, but in the end, it will still be your choice. Good luck.
2006-10-18 22:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful what you do, dear. Being pregnant, she is under enough pressure as it is.
Before you discuss this with her, I would definitely suggest you discuss it first with a counselor or another really close friend who knows you are lesbian and accepts it. To discuss it with another lesbian would probably be the most helpful to you.
Here's my canned answer that I like to give people with a problem similar to yours: I call your situation the "light switch effect." You are really good friends with someone but now realize that your feelings have really gone far beyond friendship, even "best friendship", yet you know that other person is not of an orientation that is compatible to yours -- or maybe even she is sexually compatible but has chosen to remain in the straight lifestyle. Ask yourself, "Is the possibility of losing the friendship over my sexuality and attraction to this person worth it?" Are you pretty sure she will not reject you outright? I will guarantee to you that the friendship will at least be changed. Here's what usually happens: We don't want to lose the friendship, see the intrinsic emotional value in it, and lose that intense physical and sexual attraction to our close friend. It's like turning a light switch off.
I hope this helps you, even though I am speaking from a man's viewpoint. Please also consider what the ladies on here have to say.
2006-10-18 23:00:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm gay too... and I've also felt in love with some friends of mine. I was so deeply in love that I couldn't see the real thing.
I'm not telling you not to tell her how you feel... but think about it. She's having a baby, she's straight and well... she's your best friend.
I felt inlove with my Best friend, who is straight, a couples of years ago. I never told her about it. She knew i was gay and everything but I stopped to think and I realize it was just unfair to mess up with such a great relationship and to change "true friends love" with just a crush I knew i would be able forget. Plus, I thought that it wouln't work sexually... It was better like friends.
I will tell her someday about it. I just want her to be happy and have a good life with someone she really loves and I know I will find someone who loves me back the same way i do and who is really really gay.
Bye girl... Good Luck!
2006-10-18 23:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to remain friends with her, then, I think you should tell her how you feel. If, she rejects you, it will be painful; if you continue the way you are, the pain will linger for your lifetime. At least with rejection, it is something we get over, in time. Or, you could simply say you are in love with her, and you can no longer have her in your life because it is too painful. (At least this way you get to make the decision).
Good luck to you!
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2016-01-26 22:08:30 · answer #7 · answered by Nova 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should let her kno how u feel but start by tellin her that u need her help. tel her to help u get thro ur feelings for her mention that ur very happy for them (her, boyfee and baby) and would not want to mess wat they have. tell her.. and if she's strong at heart..she'l help you through it. if she tells u to back off then ul have no choice but to do so. Be true to your self and to her too. good luck
2006-10-18 22:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by liz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in love with a memory of a girl who made you feel special. You don't love this girl, you love how she gave you confidence to believe in yourself.
You are fantasizing. You are latching on to her because at this stage in your life you lack the self-esteem that you think she gave you back when you desperately needed her support.
I am psychic and I can sense that this woman hardly ever thinks of you. I'm sorry.
2006-10-18 21:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋