My Bf Wants To Marry Me, Help?

Question

So, me and him havent been going out long, in all technicalities. But we have known eachother for 2 years maybe and liked eachother ever since but never could get togeather because he had lived a couple states away. Now he is here and we are more in love than ever. I would do anything for him, and DO see myself marrying him one day, marriage right now would be like suicide [ Im only 14! ]
I've told him that I want to marry him and he actually cried which I found so amazingly sweet.
But anyways, Im afraid that he will propose or something and it would break his heart, and mine, for me to say no.. I just dont know how to say that we need to wait a couple years before we get married.. these things cant be rushed and we are still kids!

I have told his twin sis this and she suggested that if he proposed and I was 100% postivie that I saw myself marrying him then I should say yes but on the condition that he knows it wont happen until we are atleast 18.

Should I take her advise?

Answer 1

NO - take your own feelings into consideration only when it comes to this - it is his sister so she is more looking out for him and sparing him any rejection and pain. You are under 18 and like you said - have your whole life in front of you and may not even be sure if he is the one for you forever - you may think so right now.. but you have not been out in the world enough.

You may want to take a relationship break and do some dating - see who else is out there and explore your options. There would be nothing worse than saying yes whether that is now or in a few years and then resenting him forever for making you feel that you had to or for not letting you see the world and learn who you are without him.

I think your decision is great - too many people rush things now.. try to talk to him about this before he would even propose though - just tell him that while you care for him, marriage and engagement is not something you want to do for many years to come and if he wants that - then he should find someone else who is ready for that - but don't feel pressure from anyone about this - you sound VERY intelligent so stick with your first decision and the one you already made and know in your heart.
:o)

Answer 2

Consider this; think of yourself three years ago. You were much different, right? You have changed since then. You still have SO much of that to do. I am sure you love your boyfriend, but you must also love yourself enough to respect that you WILL change and grow and evolve. If it is possible to be able to do this side by side with another person it is wonderful, but often the desires and needs of two people do not stay the same. If you say yes now you are planning for the SELF that you have not even become yet! Take a moment. Enjoy what you have now. You have all the time in the world to make the right choice. The most loving thing to do is to be truthful. First to yourself, and then to everyone around you, including your boyfriend.

Answer 3

Your just a kid. Wait until your 24 before you even think about marriage. You have alot of time to grow and figure out who you are. Believe it or not, your existance doesn't depend on him. At some point in your life, your going to be your own person.

Look around this board and read all the marriage related questions. Marriage is absolutely not for kids and 18 is still just a kid. Think about who you are now vs who you were when you were 10. Your going to be different when your 18, 24 and so on.

Don't sell yourself short. There are too many men in this world to pick the first one to marry. Wait until your 18 and can date men and be an adult. You might learn somethings about yourself that you don't know yet.

Just remember one thing....you don't know, what you don't know. There is a whole big world out there waiting for you to be a part of it. Don't limit yourself so soon in life.

Answer 4

You could either wait until he proposes and then tell him yes but you'd like to wait for a few years, OR you could approach the subject of marriage in a casual conversation and say you don't want to get married until you're a bit older. I think that might be the better option as you seem really worried about this,although I really don't think you should worry so much as if your boyfriend is the right person for you he will be happy to wait. Are you worried about offending him or upsetting him? If he does get angry and upset he's not the right person for you anyway. If he cares for you he'll respect your decision to have a long engagement.

Answer 5

Okay true love really waits. Things happen as time passes by...now you are pretty much sure about each other but the thing is....would things be the same after a year or two or 4 years passed?...well as for now when he proposed you can definitely say yes...but give yourselves restrictions and clear linings on what to do during the waiting period of at least 4 years...you can make some arrangements...again true love waits...because for sure you can't marry at this time on.

Answer 6

PLEASE do not marry until you are AT LEAST 18. If it is true love, it will still be true love in 4 years. You are still growing and changing physically, emotionally, and mentally, and so is he. Your twin sis sounds like a great friend and even better sister. If you have not yet been physically involved (aka had sex) hold off on that for awhile as well. No one can express to you how incredibly intimate having another person enter your body. It is beyond wonderful, but also a big change.

I married the love of my life at 24, and I wouldn't change it for the world, but I am so glad I waited.

Good luck, dear.

Answer 7

well, he probably looks at it like whats the big rush and you see it as priority. You should sit down and talk to him, maybe hes planning on proposing on vacation, u never know what he could be planning. Also, you didnt mention how old you are, but that could play a factor in his decision. Dont rush it, when its meant to be then its meant to be. I want to marry my boyfriend right now, but I kno its not the right time. It will come.Depends on how long you've been together, if he's been saving up to travel before he met you...maybe travelling is really important to him, and wants to be able to do this before marriage (before he's tied down, with a mortgage, kids, etc.). Just ask him, or suggest he goes to a few places you have no interest in, and then you guys could travel together, after you're married, to places you both would like to see.Why are you in a rush to get married? Do you think he may feel pressured? Talk to him... If you are going to be married you need to be able to talk about these things. But also keep in mind to not be to clingy and demand only your way... be sure to comprimise and understand his side. I hope he is mature enough to do the same.Well, 25 is a difficult age for men. It really is the point at which they stop being boys and become men. You need to sit down and talk with him about it. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn't. If he doesn't it is going to hurt, but you need to leave him if you want to get married. I've had several friends in your situation who discovered the guy "wasn't ready" to get married, when in actuality, the men just didn't want to marry that person. They were simply too afraid to end the relationship. Four years is a long time, so talk to him about it. Make him talk to you about it. It may be a time issue, it may be something much larger. Better to find out sooner rather than later.

Answer 8

that is so sweet. i once was in love. Then the whore left me for some ******!! this kid is a tool bag and a half. And you wanna know where i messes up at???? well this chick wanted to get serious and i at the time knew she was special but i didnt know how special and how much i needed her till she left me. i still to this day haven't been able to tell her how i feel even though i know she feels the same. She won't even give me a chance because she tried to get so serious about me so fast i wasn't ready. So the lesson you need to learn is don't rush but don't wait. Love can only come once in along time, and i was just like you i wanted to wait and she didnt so she ditched me even though she loves me she did it so i would be miserable and see how much i need her. dont waste your time marry whenever you want just don't have a kid cause that is way to much stress that you will not be ready for till older.

Answer 9

That is not a good idea. If you promise to marry him and then find out that you don't love him that would be pretty harsh on him. You should tell him that you are both too young at moment to be even thinking about getting married to each other but that he's free to ask you again when you're 18.

Answer 10

Dear God girl - you are only a child - of course you are too young to get married! If you really care for him, tell him that you love him and you want to be with him but ask him to wait for a few years (you will have to anyway as you're legally too young). I can all but GUARANTEE your feelings with change in the next few years - you are only just starting out and couldn't possibly know what you want to do for the rest of your life or who you are yet, let alone commit yourself to someone by way of marriage. Plenty of time, girl!