I have to go to a work thing tonight and on my table for dinner, in fact sitting right next to me, is a male work colleague who I think detests me, as he always tries to put me down, makes sarcastic remarks and rolls his eyes everytime I open my mouth and just generally looks down on me (which isn't hard as I'm only 5'1?)..... I never seem to have the retorts for him (never at a loss for anyone else)....give me a few one liners to pop him back into his place.... please?
(Oh and don't tell me to go and report him... seriously, no one actually does this!)
2006-10-18 20:47:14 · 31 answers · asked by Hobnobs 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Pepper Pot - Nice theory, but I don't think that's it!
2006-10-18 20:49:34 · update #1
LOL.... I think he lurrrrves you..... oh come on, this is what men do, pretending like they hate you when really they have hot nuts for you..... if you were 8 years old in the playground, he would be sneaking up behind you to pull up your skirt and pull on your pigtails....
Sorry I have no one liners.... but just ask him if he wants to get a room and see his reaction!?!
2006-10-18 20:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
pepper pot may be right on the money- but if hes really hurting your feelings- well then hes shhhhit outta luck ,honey....i of course think you should look him right in eye and tell him to f&$# off-but since that may start more trouble than hes worth, do this: follow him out to his car when he leaves, and w/o anyone but him noticing, get a good hard look at his plates- do it obvious enough to give him the creeps- but not so much as to make him react- its all hell think about on the way home, then next day ask him if he can help you with a computer problem you have at home over insinuating of course that you have no idea whatsoever in your pretty lil head how to use one..........itll scare the shhhhhit outta him- and youll earn a little more respect- whats he gonna do say you saw his plates AND needed help with something-not the best evidence ive heard ;)---i am not of course condoning illigal hacking, i simply find this method to always work-its better than getting fired for assault...good luck!
2006-10-19 04:01:14 · answer #2 · answered by nickname4anne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right the first thing ya need to do is just imagine him sitting on the loo everytime he talks to ya, that alway helps! As for replies to his comments well thats difficult until ya know what he has said.
But if ye was to say something like 'Your drinking alot tonight' reply with 'No we are drinking the same amount , but my mouth is smaller than yours'.
If he was to say 'Thats an interesting outfit your wearing' in a sarky way reply with. 'Well at least one thing around here is interesting' and look him up and down.
If he was to say 'what is that perfume your wearing 'and look at you as if it was bad reply with the answer it's .... which is better than the B.O. your wearing'
When he rolls his eyes back after you have said something ask him if 'he is looking to see if he has a brain back there somewhere?'
Thats about all I can do for now but pleased ask again I can put anyone in their place if need be! lol
2006-10-19 04:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by gary b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your Majesty:How about the following:
Nice suit-Were you there for the fitting?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
You've got you head so far up your ar-- you could chew your food twice.
I would like to insult you but with your intelligence you wouldn't be offended.
Are you always so stupid or is this a special occasion?
I'm glad to see that you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I don't think you are a fool.But then what's my opinion against thousands of others.
Would you cover one of your ears please you are causing a draught.
I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
I refuse to enter a battle of wits with you.I can't attack an unarmed person.
You're not yourself today.I noticed the improvement immediately.
Enjoy your dinner and the rest of your company!
2006-10-19 06:44:23 · answer #4 · answered by the gunners 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you've had your fill of him & his high-mindedness.
Tell him he is on notice .
You plan to knock him down a peg or two.
Tell him , he must feel like a big man to terrorize others.
Tell him, He fell out of a stupid tree & hit every branch on the way down.
2. You make as much sense as a square 8 ball.
3.If He had another brain, he'd be dangerous as hell.
4.He has a brain the size of a Tic Turd.
5.He's Dumber than a bag of rocks.
6. He's as quick as a turtle on Prozac.
7.He makes as much sense as an Ashtray on a motorcycle.
8.He's as bright as a 2 watt bulb.
9. Did you go to school stupid , or did you come out that way?
2006-10-19 07:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by anitababy.brainwash 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Each and every time he says anything, laugh - even if it's not meant to be funny. It'll make him paranoid (what is she laughing at etc?).
And you really don't have to have a witty retort to put him down - just give him a long, withering look and smirk whenever he addresses you. And if he tries to put you down verbally just look at him for ages and say "you make me laugh" before turning away.
Treat this unpleasant individual with the contempt he deserves.
2006-10-19 04:16:32 · answer #6 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Looking for sarcasm? I believe I may be able to help...
All round good 'uns:
"My position does not allow me to argue with you. But if it ever came to a choice of weapons, I should choose grammar."
"And your crybaby whiny assed opinion would be...?"
"Oh sorry, I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality."
Fashion-wise:
"I remember when that suit was in style"
"Nice shirt. How long have you been colourblind?"
Retorts for drunkenness:
"Sorry, I don't speak pissed"
"I remember my first drink"
"Has your carer got the night off?"
And when all else fails take the Ichi method and stab him in the eye with a fork.
2006-10-19 04:59:00 · answer #7 · answered by sarcasticquotemarks 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi honey, memorise a few of these and deliver them with a big smile on your face - with a bit of luck, other people will laugh at what you've said, thus humiliating him but at the same time make it look as though you're only joking. He'll get the hint :)
http://www.funsms.net/put_downs.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/pa2/ltd/Sarcastic.html
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?f=141&h=&t=192087
http://www.humorsphere.com/insults/put-downs.htm
2006-10-19 03:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he says something, look at him squarely in the face and with just as much scarcasim say ooh, so witty. I think the table over there needs you. And continue with what you were going to say and ignore him. Or if you notice something off about his apperance (tie color, shirt and tie don't match to you) say and this is coming from someone wearing. . . and then fill in the blank. hope I helped.
2006-10-19 03:52:20 · answer #9 · answered by Tara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just laugh with him.....he knows he's winding you up cos you keep biting....and I agree with one of the other answers....he's got the hots for you!!
Heres a couple of one-liners:
You're a real action man...crew cut, realistic scar, no genitals
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
oh please save your breath to blow up your girlfriend tonight!
When your mum went into labour, did she keep the afterbirth and throw away the baby..ouch!
2006-10-19 03:56:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋