I am a married woman of 5 and a hald years, I love my husband and he is the only man that i have been with, I dont think he is cheating but he says that he likes variety even though he dosent act on it, I have tried dressing sexy and lighting candles but it just dosent work, I try letting him experament in bed but I think he is still bored, he had been with other people before we got together and sometimes i wish that I had myself before I got married, what else can I do to put the passion back into my marriage, I miss renting movies only to end up watching the first 15-20 minutes. HELP!!!
2006-10-18 19:48:59 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes men fall into ruts and larger responsibilities in life kind of take over and less time is spent thinking about sex. It sounds like you are putting effort into your sex life, so I suggest that you talk to him... see what he says about his lack of drive. Look on line, there are several adults only games that are designed to initiate intimacy and get you to try new things. There are also lots of books out there- If you are afraid that because of your lack of experience that you are not well rounded sexually, try reading up on some things and then put them into use. Some couples even watch porn together to either get ideas or to act out scenes. Good Luck to you... most men would love to have a wife that tried so hard to have a great sex life- your husband is missing out, he should consider himself lucky... and flattered. Hell, print this out and show it to him!
2006-10-18 20:20:41 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are some suggestions:
Where? Definitely not in front of the kids. Try finding a room in the house where you have privacy and where you can sit across from one another.
When? Usually not when you are ready to blow a gut. At that point, it is better to go and work out, or go to the neighbors, cool off for a bit, and then come back to whatever it was that was bothering you. If possible, agree on a time with your husband when you will discuss your relationship.
How? How to argue is really an art that most of us never learn. Putting each other down is the best way to get into a lose-lose situation. In other words, neither side gains when you both start name-calling. Try to keep to the issues at hand without insulting each other. Another technique is to rephrase what your spouse has said before you continue so that you are certain that you have understood him.
Now this may all see a bit farfetched to you, and indeed when you are seething with anger, it probably is. The idea is that, when you are so angry, you have to get yourself back together, before getting on with the argument.
If you both love each other and are committed to the relationship, finding quiet time away from the kids is a real relationship builder. Going out to dinner, or on a date can put some of the spark back into your relationship.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-19 08:09:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say, but marrying the person who took your virginity is like eating the same food for the rest of your life. Each partner is different and provides an opportunity to learn what you like and don't like. How and either of you really know what you like or what your potential is.
It's like this...if you had to choose one food to eat for the rest of your life. Would you choose the first thing you ate or would you sample alot of different foods and then pick the one that you like the best. Keep in mind that you may be allergic to some foods, some are bad for you, some are good, some are good tasting, but not good for you and some are good for you, but don't taste good. I could go on and on, the choices are limitless.
The same applies to men and women. You picked the first item off the shelf, but there is a whole supermarket full of variety that you haven't tried yet. Maybe your husband is feeling like he needs some variety.
There is probably not much you could do to spice things up. This is where real compatability and true friendship are a key componet to a marriage.
In today's world, two people really need to have a great sense of who they are as a person and with that knowlege make a great choice for the person your going to spend the rest of your life with.
Maybe you could learn a few new tricks and suprise him with it. Perhaps if you take control and dominate him in bed. If you love him than keep trying and never give up.
If you have doubts then seek some counceling. There might be something going on that he is not talking about.
Good luck...I hope you find something to turn things around.
2006-10-19 03:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Jerrid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the simple approach:
1) personal grooming. tidy yourself and pleasant looking but not overdo it
2) cook his favourite meals
3) engage in conversation but do not make an argument or quarrel
4) make him suggest for things to do or places to go
5) Do not pressure him into doing anything
6) be extremely patient and not rush for immediate result
Good Luck
2006-10-19 04:05:34 · answer #4 · answered by sonisunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the candles.
How do you look when you dress "sexy"? Men are visual--maybe you should visit the gym...
2006-10-19 02:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋