I'm having second thoughts about getting married please help?

Question

my fiance and I were engaged last year for two months and called it off but we still dated each other. I realized then that it was too soon to be engaged, a lot of our fights were based on things I didn't know how to accept and I was rushing a wedding. Now we are engaged again and I still have doubts. I love him a lot, we don't fight as much but when we do I feel like its the end of the world. I want to marry him because we share the same values and goals. I'm scared. He's not perfect and it took me a long time to learn how to accept someone for what his is.
I always thought that i would marry someone that makes more money than me, has the house, etc. Basically I wanted someone to take care of me and I realize thru talking with alot of people its not realistic that I need to take care of myself which is what I've been doing.
Is it normal for couples to fight? We are both headstrong and the next day ( or sometimes that very day) we both make amends and forgive

Could it be that I hormonal? I tend to fight more closer to my cycle but i'm not sure if i'm due since I may be pregnant.

When it comes to finances we are complete opposites I save everything and pay my bills on time.
He's not very good at paying on time and crappy at saving.
My job is consistent and I have steady income
He's a car salesman and at times he doesn't sell a car but when he has a good month he makes more than I do.
He's a control freak and when he always says we'll get married I don't trust we will since neither of us have set a date and we don't have money right now for a wedding.
Can this work? Anyone in my situation?

Answer 1

Geeze, I could go on for hours. I work for a divorce Attorney. It is pretty ugly out there now a days. Take your time before you "say yes". You have to plan this wedding, save up for it, take more time to see if you 2 can get along cuz once you get married, that is it, controll sets in. Talk about your finances, how you want to invest your money, plan for children, schooling, hide some money on the side cuz he could just walk! it happens all the time then you will really be screwed, don't use credit cards they will mess you up. My friend was married 3 times. Put everything in both names! especially the house. If you are uncertain now you should hold off & spend more time with him & think this out. It is a big move in your life. A marriage is suppose to last FOREVER! My x screwed up my credit so bad my head is spinning & I was divorced in 2003. Talk to your friends, family or sneak out & seek counceling. Goodluck !

Answer 2

It doesn't sound like he's the guy for you. Don't settle for someone just because he has the same values and goals. There is alot more to marriage than that. Fighting alot in a marriage is not good just because you make up later. You stated that it took a long time to learn how to accept him for what he is. That doesn't sound like the person you wanted. Don't rush into a marriage your not sure about. Marriage is a give and take but continual fighting will ruin the marriage in the long run. Step back, take another look. I'm sure there is a man out there that you would have no question on if you should marry him or not.

Answer 3

its healthy to fight. not every day but you still have to stand up for what you believe. If you never got in a fight I would think that you were just not saying what you think and holding back. You have to choose your fights and let some things go though. as long as you make up which you say you do, then i think its fine.


but about getting married, I wouldn't do it unless you are sure. And I guess it depends on how old you are and if you want a family. some people say that you are never completely sure.

Answer 4

The rule of thumb is : " If in doubt, don't." All your questions should be answered before you commit to a life time arrangement. Marriage has become convinient and easy to get out of, but it is not intended to be that way. Take the time to really figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Only you can answer this and most likely, deep down you already know the answer.

Answer 5

as long as both of you value each other as an individual and aren't fighting like cats and dogs on a daily basis and you can handle the fact that he isn't loaded with cash wads then you should probably proceed.

if money is a problem, then you should discuss it with him and see what he says. it's not exactly the easiest thing to talk about, but since that is what you are looking for, you should at least talk about that.
money seems to be the problem for alot of marriages and couples fight or argue about it.
seriously, money isn't the solution to many problems.

trust me i know.

i was banking $700,000 grand a yr and i wasn't happy.

Answer 6

So what is the problem in holding off the marriage ? I you guys are in love then waiting to get married should not be a major prob. If you are seeing your friends tying the knot and you just want to join the club then you are joining for the wrong reason.

Answer 7

Don't do it. It's fine to be headstrong and it's good you can make amends after argueing. But you still have some valid doubts and so you should not get married right now. It doesn't mean you won't every get married, just don't do it right now.

Answer 8

But do you LOVE him? Are you IN love with him? You never mention love, just security.

I HIGHLY suggest you going to counseling and going to counseling as a couple, these are very complicated issues that need a professional. You dont want to get married, and years down the road regret it, or have to go through divorce.

Answer 9

Please do not get married, it is hard enough when both think they are sure, but if you have doubts, do not do it. It would not be fair to him or to you to marry now. Just keep dating, until you are both sure marrying is what you want.

Answer 10

someone once told me that whenever you have second thoughts on something, don't pursue on it. it is better to be safe than sorry in the end.
( it works on me)