what to do. i dont want an abortion.?

Question

my boyfriend had an accident the other day. we were using the pull out method, and i think i may have gotten pregnant. he told me that he would leave me if i got pregnant, unless i had an abortion. i have been thinking about it alot, and i dont know what to do. i told my mom that i might be pregnant, and she suggested an abortion too. i just agreed with them but secretly i am suffering over it. if i created a baby i would die if i paid someone to rip it apart. i would have to commit suicide because everytime i would look at someones baby i would think about what i had done. i dont want to kill my baby. i could raise it. i have a full time job and i work so hard, and i dont want to lose my boyfriend but i couldnt kill my baby.i would literally hate myself forever. what should i do.

Answer 1

hey, girl dont worry about ya boy, he aint no real man, you need sum1 whos is going to take care of u and your baby, even if your not pregnant you need to get rid of him girl im pregnant and my babys daddy wanted me to get an abortion and but i didnt and im happy dont let anybody ever tell you or make you feel like abortion is the right way to go girl, man o man girl just pray every thing will be okay trust me, i just came out of this stage... if you ever need somebody to talk to girl just write me on my e-mail or something.. im here for u just dont kill your baby believe it or not, if you are prego..your baby is a big blessing

Answer 2

First, let me clear about my intent here, and that is I have no wish whatsoever to try to talk you into an abortion AT ALL. Having said that, since the "accident" was only "the other day" you may not be pregnant at all; and if you are the fertilized egg may not even, at this point, have implanted itself in the uterus. If this accident occurred too soon after a period you're probably not pregnant, and if it happened the last week or so before a period you're probably not pregnant. Chances are the only way you may be pregnant would be if it occurred about seventeen to thirteen days before your next period is expected.

Just so that you understand what would be involved if you got an abortion during the first month or so a doctor would clear out the uterus, and the very small embryo would not be "ripped apart". It would, of course, die.

Since you now know what it feels like to face the idea of not wanting an abortion and having a baby when you're too young and when the baby's father doesn't want it, if you're not pregnant you should learn from this experience and don't have sex with people until you're old enough so that if an "accident" occurred it wouldn't be such a disaster as it is now.

You should wait to see if you really are pregnant, and then dump the boyfriend and tell your mother you don't want to get an abortion. Of course, you realize that having a full-time job would mean having to find someone to care for the baby full-time, and there's the chance your full-time job may not allow you to afford expensive day-care. Chances are you mother would be the one to end up caring for your baby while you work; or else you will decide not to work and to instead go on welfare.

The main thing is you need to stop just agreeing with the boyfriend and your mother and say you won't get an abortion. Its too bad that any baby you may be expecting would be the result of an "accident" (because so many babies are so devoutly wished for and longer for and planned), but it wouldn't be the first child to come into the world under less than ideal circumstances. Your choice to use the "pull out method" and risk pregnancy says that you were more willing to risk bringing a baby into the world unwanted and to unmarried and young parents than you were to use a good, safe, contraceptive method.

You're young and apparently misguided enough to risk pregnancy by not using a sure contraceptive method, but chances are your mother will be able to help you take care of the baby; even if she didn't really plan on taking care of an infant at this stage in her life.

Answer 3

Few Notes
1. take a pregnancy test and go visit your doctor
2. I won't lecture BUT the pull out method doesn't work
3. your bf is a complete dick for even suggesting you end a child's life a child you both created.
4. You mom might still be in shock about the idea, give her time.
5. Showing you care about your child enough not to kill it, in my book you are already a good mom.
6. Yes, you probably could raise it but if you are pregnant you'll have to take time off work (about six weeks) and may or may not have maternity benefits.
7. I understand you don't want to lose your bf but what's more important. (a) losing your bf (who told you to have an abortion) and keeping your child alive or (b) having an abortion, living with the guilt and hating yourself, and your boyfriend possibly still leaving you because he's not mature enough to handle a long-term relationship.

There are three options

1. Keeping the baby (with or more likely without the father's and your mother's support), I would ask him to sign over his rights, after all he doesn't want the baby.

2. Adoption, there are lots of married childless couples (my husband and myself included) that would love to have a child. Again make sure you have the father sign over his rights, that way he can't come back in two years when the baby is cute and say I want my kid now.

3. Abortion, which you've made clear you don't want. Regardless of what your mother and the baby's father say, legally they have no right to say what you can and can't do. Considering you have a full time job I will assume your about 17 or 18.

If you do chose to adopt please contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 4

I agree with some of the answers here. Abortion is not a solution but a life-long problem that is never really solved. I am by no means being cruel, just honest. You should first find out if you are pregnant. If you are I would suggest having a serious talk with the boyfriend. If he still says that he wants you to abort the child( which will be a part of him too) then I suggest you let him know he can no longer share in your life. You will need a support system, no matter what you decide. I too went down this road 3 times. I , how-ever don't agree with the advice being given to find some one else to step in. (new boyfriend). I made my choices ( which were to keep my children and raise them. 2 were a product of rape, the third was from the one I was to marry , but he left me.) I know you will face a very difficult time right now, but there are options out there that will be right for you. I know you are probably scared,feeling uncertain, and most of all feeling over-whelmed. Take the time to consider what is best for you in this situation. If you don't have anyone for support, I will be glad to be there for you. Take care and I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

First, get tested to find out if you are really pregnant. You may not be, in which case, thank God and dump the boyfriend. Why be with a boy that doe snot know the meaning of how to be a man? He is just using you and you are better off by yourself. Someone better will come along. And when it happens, be prepared by then by learning about effective birth control methods. You can learn with the help of your doctor, nurse, or visit a clinic like Planned Parenthood. Having said that, if you ARE pregnant, do not let anyone pressure you into having an abortion you will clearly regret since you don't want it. It will change your life forever and you will never be the same, or fully happy. You would be better off contacting a government social worker to get impartial help, advice and so you can learn what your life would be like if you keep the baby or if you give it up for adoption. Contact an adoption agency and contact the Church in your community. Then think about what each one of these professionals have said, evaluate your options, pray to God for guidance and then make a decision. One that you know you can live with, and it is clear , abortion is not one of them.

Answer 6

If you are pregnant, stand up for yourself and your unborn baby. There is no reason that you should have an abortion, just because it's what your boyfriend or your mother thinks you should do. It is your body, not thiers. If your boyfriend truly loved you, he would not ask you to do something like that, or tell you that he would leave you if you didn't. You already said, that if you aborted the baby, it would be something that you would always regret. Please do not do anything that you would live the rest of your life regretting, no man is worth that. Do what is best for you and your unborn baby. There is no greater love (other than God), than the love you will share with your child. Explain to your boyfriend how you feel (you said that you just agreed with them, and are "secretely" suffering), maybe if they knew how you felt, they would be more understanding and supportive, if not, then you already said that you could support this child. There are plenty of mothers that have done it alone before, it may be harder, but atleast you would not have to live the rest of your life regretting the decision you made. Besides, he is not the only man in the world, there are plenty of good men that could love both you and this child. I am married to a man, who loves me and my 4 children from a previous marriage, and is a wonderful step-father to them. I hope you make the right decision. Good luck.

Answer 7

Oh sweetheart i am so sad for you. If your heart tells you you cannot have an abortion, then don't have one. The very first thing to do is start having safe sex straight away, or if your boyfriend won't use condoms, no sex. Then get to the doctor and have a pregnancy test. You need to know for sure, then you and your mum can work this out together. Talk to your mum about how you are feeling, if you are pregnant, she will be the best help you can have. If you are pregnant, you are number 1 now, you must decide what is right for you, but it would be nice if your mum could help. Unfortunately you will probably not get any support from your boyfriend, being as his attitude to your maybe being pregnant was so negative.Let the boyfriend go, he certainly is not being any kind of friend to you,if you are pregnant and you decide to keep the baby, things will be tough, but you can do it and raise a fabulous child. others have succeeded ,Talk to your mum more and both go to the doctor together, then worry about what to do from there. I will be thinking of you.

Answer 8

I don't know how old you are, but here are some facts for you -
1. The pull out method does not work, "pre ejaculation" still has sperm in it.
2. You are thinking clearly and realize what your boyfriend and mom have said about abortion, and it sounds like you don't agree.
3. There are always options like adoption.
4. If you are old enough you could always keep the baby - even if you are raising it alone, it's better than a parent who doesn't want the baby.
5. There is still a chance you are NOT pregnant (which sounds as though it would be ideal.)
6. You can always find support out there, and even if it is a stranger, you're welcome to email me anytime. [e-mail]

I'm with you girl :) I wish you the best and I know you have a good heart. Hang in there!

Answer 9

Any man who says that is not worth keeping dear. Seriously, and I'm not trying to be mean. He should know that there are other ways of going about this.

How old are ya hon? You have a full time job. Yeah, you probably could keep the baby. If you are going to, and if you ARE pregnant, then start saving like 1/4 of your check now so that when the baby comes you have a nest-egg built up for the baby. But if he's going to be a jerk about it, then I think you should ditch him.

But, the other method is adoption. There are couples who are DESPERATE for a child and are willing to pay for all of your doctor visits, etc. You would not only make a child-less couple extremely happy, but you would also give that child a chance at LIFE.

Depending on how old you are... you have a right to say what goes on with your body. Your body, your child, your decision. Nobody else's. So don't let anybody else lead you in a path you don't want to be in. Listen to your heart hon.

Please... don't abort the baby if you are pregnant. Give the baby a chance!

And good luck to you. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

You're probably not pregnant, so don't panic.
Go to Planned Parenthood, and they can help you to determine whether you're pregnant. If you are, they can help you consider alternatives for you.

Someone who will have (probably insist on) unprotected sex and then say he'll leave you if you're pregnant is COMPLETELY IRRESPONSIBLE and DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Dump him yesterday.

DO NOT have unprotected sex with this loser or anyone else ever again until you are mature enough and have the means to properly raise a child.

If you become pregnant, you have three choices:
1. Have the baby and raise it. What do you know about raising children? How were you raised?
2. Have the baby and give it up for adoption. There are many, many, many, many, many, many... people who have the love and the means to raise a child who are unable to have one.
3. Have an abortion and work through the guilt that you feel, if any.

Answer 11

OKay, relax first. Do you even know if you are pregnant? Don't worry about any of it until you know for sure. First of all, whether you are pregnant or not, you need to get rid of the boyfriend. What he said to you was cruel, and if he really loved you he would never give you an ultimatum like that, and he'd never say he'd dump you. He was being as irresponsible as you by using the pull out method, it doesn't work, even if the guy always pulls out before he ejaculates since they leak sperm soon after getting an erection. If you do turn out to be pregnant, let your boyfriend and your Mom know that you are keeping the baby. Then find someone, a relative perhaps, who is in your life and will be supportive, because you will need support. I hope you can work it out with your Mom, I bet she told you to have an abortion because she is worried about your future. Your boyfriend said that because he is a selfish pig who is only thinking of himself. Seriously, if you respect yourself you will get rid of that guy before you lose your self-esteem and self-respect. If you are not pregnant, then slow down, find a guy who will respect and treat you right, and don't have sex until you are in a committed relationship with somebody and can have a serious discussion about birth-control and what would happen if you end up pregnant. There are better men out there than your boyfriend, trust me, and you sound young, don't rush things. Good Luck.