I recently started a gay relationship with a man that I just learned is a gay pornstar.?

Question

I understand that the internet isn't always the best place to find answers to life decisions, but I'm at a loss. My life with Brandon I. has been heavenly until I spotted him in a video being sodomized without protection from a brutish looking African American. Then when other men entered and engaged in sexual activity with my lifemate without protection as well I was dumbfounded. If it wasn't true love and the way he manhandles me nightly there would be no question as to me leaving him. Of course the benzo's, barbituates, and other various hypnoerotic drugs he has access to like ecstasy, rohypnol are a serious concern but I must admit I have indulged before. I haven't confronted him yet. Should I? What should I say? I don't feel strong enough to leave him. Thanks for anyone's help.

Answer 1

Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad.

Answer 2

3 Seperate issues;

1.) FIRST LOOK AT YOURSELF - HE HAS PUT YOUR LIFE AT RISK with no concern for you what so ever. Are you both positive or 50/50 or neg; each level reflects a greater lack of respect for you. BUT IF YOU WERE IN HIS SHOES WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? Would you have stopped immediately, told your partner or ignored the risks and do as YOU WANT? If you would behave as he has then move on to #2. IF not , then realise the lying only gets worse -- for every one ant you find there are 100 you don't.

2.) Why do you feel this is true love?

I haven't heard you say he has told you the truth about anything, especially important life threatening things like this! So what effort or actions has he taken towards you that are more significant than his lying, risking your health and unfaithful abuse... (porn or not he is with the bottom of the barrel crowd) and it will only get worse. If you want more heart ache go online and google his name -- the guy probably has a police record, and a fan club. Both will provide mind numbing insght..

3.) IF you don't feel this is worth leaving him over, then why ask the question here and why consider asking him?

All he will do is lie ( "I stood in for a buddy who got sick",) or blame you (you can't handle the truth..") do you really want to allow him that chance to again prove how little he real does care? Finally ask yourself why am I here? What is the attraction? IF you could not have sex with him would you really stay in the realtionship? Start a journal write your feelings dwon every day and note his actions. Whow offers affection first , who listens when you talk, who asks about you, your work etc? You will begin to see that there is a pattern here and your blind to 80% of what is really going on. By the way ....Do this until your sick of it, pissed off or depressed, mopst importantly tell a friend your doing this journal (not why) and to not ask questions just keep an eye on you. This will hurt, but then after you judge him on his actions not his words then you can decide why you are there and once YOU have had your fill , leave..

Answer 3

This can only be advice...:

You should confront him, if you dont, and keep your emotions bottled up, youre putting nails in your relationships coffin. What can you expect of him...? Well, that varies from relationship to relationship, everybody has a certain ammount they will tolerate, but clearly he has gone over what makes you feel comfortable, and what you can tolerate. Therefore, I feel that you should speak to him about it and tell him how you feel.

The best approach, in my opinion, is a subtle one. Dont get angry, or upset, just be honest with him and and talk calmly, maybe even joke about it (but not to the extent that you both lose sight of the SERIOUS matter at hand). That way, he will not feel cornered, or attacked, and is most likely not to lash out at you in defence, which will prevent escalation and a further fight. The calmer you can remain, the more you can acomplish together.

As for the drugs, take pretty much the same approach as you would for 'his being a pornstar', and no matter how 'dumb or embarrased' you feel saying certain things, just tell him the genuine truth about how you feel.

There is no right, and no wrong way to go about something like this, so nobody can really give you an answer. They can just give you opinions you can take into concideration when you, if you, confront your lifemate.

Hope thinks work out and

P.S: Drugs really are bad...so try to lay off them. There is no 'ok' drug! Do research, you'll see...

Answer 4

Oh my! sounds like real trouble. Is this Film a part of history or is he still 'working' in the industry? If he is still working, then you have question of monogamy. If he isn't, i my self would let it be and enjoy what you share - on what ever level. It sounds like you are confusing love with lust by the way you describe being "man-handled". Consider this - what is love? I my self was a 'porn star'. In my past. And it is my past. Now I'm in a loving relationship with a man who I have been totally honest with about who I was then, what I am now and, what I aspire to be. At all cost's, keep the line's of communication open to the both of you. Issues only remain issues while there is no resolution. I sincerely hope this may have helped you. Good luck ! XXX

Answer 5

Why do most people think that the gay porn industry is like how it's set in films.... It's not some " get in my white van and touch your uncle Bucky for 10 bucks and il record" most company's are very caring and healthy about their performers even (yes I know) company's that have bareback performers. The best thing or at least what I would have done is ask him was everything in a safe environment and did the directors have you all test before any kind of sexual act? That's my opinion and my response thank you.

Answer 6

You have to realize something very important: being IN LOVE is not the same as LOVING someone.

When you really LOVE someone, the other person comes BEFORE you. It's all about HIM. You are willing to give up YOUR life for HIM. There have been addicts (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.) that have made real leaps undergoing therapy to cure themselves for the sake of those they LOVE.

But being in love is all about YOU. How do YOU feel he's responding to YOU. Did he treat ME right? Is he giving ME great sex?

With all due respect, I think your problem is that you suffer from low self esteem so you cling to him as if he was the last man on earth. It is apparent that he has kept things from you. That in an on itself is wrong. Why did he conceal that? If he really loves you, he shouldn't keep things from you. TRUST is the basis of true love. Confronting him or not is not the real issue here.

The real issue is: what do you want out of life. And by that same token, what do you want out of a relationship. Is he fulfilling that? It seems to me that sex might be great, but there doesn't seem to be much else in your relationship. Are you happy living like that?

If your lifemate loved you, he should have enough sense to protect himself, because by doing that, he's protecting YOU. He should quit drugs, because drugs are BAD (and I don't want to sound like some social awareness commercial - that's just a fact) and that should be enough so YOU don't get hurt.

But I simply don't see him care about you the way you care about him. If you feel that you can't live without him then you must first find out what you want out of life before you see if he's providing you with that. If you don't do that, it won't matter that you end this relationship and start another. You'll simply keep making the same mistakes and you won't be able to find true love.

And if you do nothing, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what to do and live emotionally frustrated. You'll probably make Brandon crazy and HE will end it. Confronting him is only a small step. You must first figure out WHO you are, WHAT you want out of life and is Brandon helping you get there.

Answer 7

i don't know if you're excited by this new development or truly horrified by the possible health issues. gay men practice safe sex if they're smart, so why don't you? say no to drugs if you're able and if not seek a treatment program. you say you recently started this relationship with brandon, did you guys get tested before you had unprotected sex? did you feel that he was committed to you, not to have sex unprotected and otherwise with anyone else? find out when he made this film, is he still active in the industry and what drugs he is/was indulging in. the fact that you specifically mentioned the brutish african american, may be an indication that you were appalled, yet excited by his participation in said video. for one asking for help, you sure were graphic with the details. i don't think you plan on leaving him anytime soon. get the health issued covered and if you can deal with what he's about, then good luck.

Answer 8

If you want him, accept him the way he is. I you don't like the lifestyle (and possible disease) he's bringing to your lives, then don't expect him to change. You can get a car or house as a fixer up project, not a relationship. Where do you see him in 5 years? Where do you see yourself? How old will the two of you be? The answers to those questions will give you insight as to what you should do. Be honest with yourself and use your brain and not just your feelings. What advice would you give a friend with the same issue?

Answer 9

Well, I am no expert here most definatley, but be it gay, strait, bi, or whatever in all relationships there has to be trust and honesty, which he has betrayed both. He has not only witheld information from you and not been honest about his past, He has endangered you by having unprotected encounters with others and not told you about it. Has he been tested recently? If you choose to stay with him, You both should be tested just for safety. As for the drugs, thats never a good thing in any type of relationship. It leads to irresponsible behavior and eventually, a downward spiral. You really need to think about this relationship. Only you can decide whats best, but honey I say find someone who will not lie to you and do those things. You should be in a safe and happy relationship. He has broken trust, can you trust him again honestly and wholeheartedly?? think about it. I hope I helped.

Answer 10

There seems to be an issue of honesty in your relationship. If he has been engadging in unprotected sex with anyone, he had an obligation to disclose this to you. He's putting your life at risk and you have a right to make safer choices.

I also don't think that leaving him is an issue of strengh. It is a simply issue of selfworth and respect. If he had an oppertunity to play open cards with you and you found out he was dishonest, then it is a simple matter of you deserving so much more in a relationship than lies and dishonesty.

No man is worth your life!

Answer 11

my dear, dear angel.
unfortunately the love is from your side only. if he loved you at all, he would have been open and honest about his porn career, he would have been concerned and sensitive towards your sexual needs, and not rough and demanding, he would have taken your health into consideration by being honest about having unprotected sex several times.
this man is holding your life in his hands, and darling, he is not worth your time, nevermind your heart.
if you were to leave him, he can get screwed by any one, since he is on the industry still, by the sound of things.
and dont dissillusion yourself that he is in pain, that's why is using all the drugs. drugs are a loser's way of dealing with life. if he cant even have a normal feeling withourt being high, how can you be sure that what he is feeling towards you, is actually love.
he is not worth your love and dedication. leave him, today still. you dont need your life,health and peace of mind raped by him on a daily basis.
you will be much better off without him.
dont say anything. just go. he doesn't care darling, otherwise he would have made sure that your are happy.