Marriage/Family Therapist or Clinical Psychologist?

Question

My Marriage is in trouble. I believe we need counseling and reluctantly my hubby has agreed to go. Problem? Not many Marriage/Family Therapist to choose from in our insurance plan. Should we see a clinical psychologist or other specialist in this field or stick with the few choices (no males) in our area who are specifically Marriage/Family Therapist?
Thanks so much for your answers and feel free to go into detail about different marriage counseling choices if you want to share.

Answer 1

I'd call the organizations in your area that are the professional organizations that therapists, counsellors, and psychologists belong to, and ask them to refer you to someone with marriage counselling as their speciality.

Answer 2

My suggestion would be to try the marriage/family therapist first, if things don't go so well, then move on to the clinical psychologist. The marriage/family therapist is better trained to deal with your issues than the clinical psychologist, who is better trained to deal with more individual, deeper, psychological issues...they are both 'qualified' to help you. My degree is in psychology, my main focus was adolescent psychology, so I do somewhat know what I am talking about here...hope you get the results you are hoping for :-)

Answer 3

I would recommend that you see a marriage therapist. Maybe they might recommend the each of you also see a clinical psychologist individually.

I don't know what your issues are, but whatever it is, it is BOTH of your problem. There's no "Fix Him" or "Fix Her" here. You both came from different backgrounds with your own baggage. You both have resorted to your own ways of dealing.

It's all too common to forget that others do not think just like us. We are unique, just like everybody else. We all have our own fears, desires, needs, agendas, priorities, ect. Most importantly, we each have our own perception. We must never forget to accept the other's perception. We must also never assume that our perception was their intent, regardless of how well we think we know each other, or how emotionally invested we are.

Self-preservation is that pesky little voice inside us that tells us that we are the smartest one in the room, that our priorities are most important, that we are right and justified, that our views are correct, and that our will trumps all others.

It also keeps us from listening, accepting, respecting, validating, and appreciating others. Sometimes (well, OFTEN) our own agendas (priorities, views, etc) are in direct conflict with others. This is especially true with the ones we are closest to (spouses).

We need to sometimes take a step back, or even have an objective third party mediate, and remind us or point out where our own preservation overshadows our empathy. Sometimes we simply need to see ourselves and our behaviors from a different perspective. Think of how you would sound/look when on video when you're arguing. It's the same idea with a therapist (without the video or the argument).

The fact of the matter is, we should spend less time and energy trying to change our partner or force our views upon them. We should seek to understand them first, before expecting to be understood. We must change our own behavior for them to be able to respond to us differently. This takes equal effort and committment from both partners.

That is why you two married. To stand beside each other through good and bad. Choose to see the opportunity here. Think of it as a challenge; to learn, improve, overcome, and gain wisdom. Learn ways to lift each other up, return to the intimacy you once had, and grow together. Learn to have and demonstrate empathy and compassion for each other, and abandon spitefulness, condescention, and contempt.

Remember this when you go to your therapist together. If you get referrals for individual counseling, focus on your contribution to your marriage, and also ways you contaminate it. Each of you may have baggage that you expect the other to carry, and don't even realize it. That drives a wedge between you to. Neither one of you is blameless.

Good luck, take care, this is all fixable if you want it to be, and you're willing to do whatever it takes.

Answer 4

While taking a communication class, my teacher once told us about a client of hers who asked, "Are you a marriage or divorce counselor?" She said she was rather surprised, but understood and found it to be an intelligent question. I'd say use either, but ask about the rate of their cases that end in a reconciliation or divorce and then choose the one whose results you want. Good luck.