FREAKING OUT!! I just found out i'm pregnant, UNPLANNED, and was on the pill. Very bad timing, Any advice?

Question

My boyfriend (27) and I (21) are against abortion, but we are soooo not ready for a baby. I'm not finished enjoying my time with him yet before i get an addition to take up his attention aswell. We've been together about a year and a half. We were planning on buying a house in 6 months. How can that happen with the new upcoming medical bills? Our future was completely planned for the next year, and now everything is thrown out the window. We are both completely at a loss. We have no idea how to handle this. Any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

This is a wonderful experance and if you were on the pill its just ment to be, buying a house can wait your still young and now it will be a family home. I completely understand how your feeling right now as I to have had 2 unplanned pregnancys and this pregnancy was planned but for a few months later then it happened. There is a reason your baby has choosen to come now so you need to take a breather and enjoy it. Its alot easier said then done but its ment to be. With my son I was on the pill when I fell pregnant, and with my daughter I was on the pill and we used condoms, she was coming no matter how much protection we used its just a sign that baby's pick their parents and the time to come. We as parents are just hardly ever ready.

Please don't think your plans have been thrown out the window just postponed a little, Once you have your baby you will think what was life without them, Children are a blessing and Im not religious, Its just a lesson your ready to learn. your boyfriend and yourself will be doing it together so its a wonderful bond you will experance together, this will most proberly bring you closer and you will look at each other in a differnt light and relise the love you share. I believe you don't really understand love until you have a child, your love will grow and your both at a great age to experance this. The house will come its just now your prioitys have changed a little, thats a step down the ladder. Everything will be wonderful so think of it in a positive light and it will be a positive experancne, If you look at it in a negative light it will be more negative so its all in your control.

Enjoy your pregnancy because 9 months seems like a long time and its not, so enjoy every part of it its amazing. Make sure you are both there to experance the birth together it will change your relationship for the better. Good luck and Congratulations to you both.

Answer 2

Well, you have two choices, keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. I think this is something you two need to think over very carefully!

Just from personal experience, I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. It was unplanned, and I was in a very bad marriage. I freaked out, cried, layed around, etc. for about a month. Then the idea of it all just got better and better. Even though the situation was not ideal, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Never once have I been sorry that I ended up being pregnant. (and she is 8 now!) So, I guess what I am saying is that if you all truly love each otehr and want to be together, time will make it clear to you what you are supposed to do. Just because things don't work in the way we plan them to doesn't mean they aren't good things.

By the way, you can probably still afford to buy the house. Even if you don't have medical insurance, many hospitals will "cut a deal" with you. for example, some places will give you one total bill for all your visits, the delivery, etc., and discount it almost in half as long as you pay by the time the baby is born.

Best of luck to you both!

Answer 3

It may seem like everything is thrown out the window right now, but remember, everything happens for a reason. There is a time for everything under the sun. If you two are planning a future together, then I believe that when this baby is born, you both will be so happy, nothing else will matter. I think it will bring your relationship closer. This is an amazing journey that both of you will be able to experience together. When the baby is asleep, then you can have some quiet time together. I freaked when I became pregnant at 22. But I wouldn't change anything. Now I have three kids! :) So Calm down and cheer up! Your gonna be a mommy!!!!! Congratulations to both of you! Everything will be fine. One child really isn't that much of a financial strain, especially if you have a baby shower. Then most everything will be provided for you. Three kids is a financial strain! But I love them so much! Good Luck, everything will be fine. :)

Answer 4

I assume your boyfriend is pretty young like you. First of all, you should understand that a man and a woman will generally look at a pregnancy in your kind of situation very differently. A man will be more practical and think about the complications and practical difficulties that are likely to arise. He has obviously not internalized that he is dealing with a human being and he can't make this decision the same way you decide how to buy a car: "I think I'll wait till next year". As a woman who is carrying the baby inside you and experiencing all the hormonal shifts that go with it you realize (correctly) that you are dealing with a life - your child. You can't simply make that decision in a completely detached and practical way. I am not saying something is wrong with your boyfriend or he is heartless - he is just responding the way a man typically would, especially a young man. So having said that you shouldn't feel hurt and upset with your boyfriend, there are different things going on in his head than yours. He probably feels he is doing the right thing for you, but it has not occured to him to do the right thing for your (and his) child too. As you might guess, I think you should keep the child. I am not going to echo those who say "you were irresponsible, you should live with the consequences". Okay, you made an error of judgement and ended up in an unfortunate situation. But neither I nor anyone else has a right to sit in on judgement about you. Having said that, you are carrying a precious human life in you. A genetic image of you, a precious child who can be someone special in the world just like you. I don't think you can walk away from that child. If you saw that same child lying on a road wouldn't you pick him or her up? Don't you think you owe the same to your own child. I say keep the child. As for the consequences, talk to your parents, your church, or some counseling group. There probably are resources for people in your situation and churches often are great starting points. Even if you don't normally go to a church find a nice one nearby, walk in and ask for help and advice in your situation. I have met women who lived through an experience like yours, survived and thrived. It is possible. You also have to decide if you want to raise the child or give him/her up for adoption. That is an intensely personal decision and you should only make it after talking to people you trust like parents, priests or who ever else. I don't in the least doubt that you are a decent intelligent person and you don't have to explain yourself or prove anything to anyone. If I had to list every mistake I made in my life it will be a mile long. But at the end of the day I am a decent person who tried my best to live an honest useful life and so are you. You need to build up your courage and do the right thing. You should also have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend and see if you can get him to support you. I feel that you can. Good luck.

Answer 5

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. At the time I thought it was the worst thing ever. I had to do things that I really didn't want to. But I promise everything will be okay! Right now its hard and I understand but it will get easier once the intial shock is over.

Raising a baby isn't easy and at times you might want to give up but just stick in there. Give it all you got! That baby now depends on you. I don't know if you have got to see the heart beat or an ultrasound but that is a miracle. I cried the first time I saw my baby and he actually looked like a baby and not like an alien.

make sure you invovle your boyfriend as much as possible. He may be scared but he is also excited! Having a baby is a wonderful experience. God put that baby here for a reasson and even though you may not be able to see it!! God has the bigger picture in his head! Good Luck! I'll pray for you!

Answer 6

How would you feel when your mother will tell you that we werent prepared when you came ? We should bought a more beautiful house hadnt you came out!
Some things come like a thief in the night. You should be prepared for the consequences.
Which is more important the house or the baby? You can just rent out first and save for the medical bills & buy a house later. Dont you know that the baby is heaven sent. Some couples are married for many years and are eager to have a baby but none came. You should be happy!

Answer 7

Well, you can do a few things... You can keep the baby, or put it up for adoption. There are ton's of couples out there that are ready to have a family but can't (personal experience i can't have kids but we are so ready)
Sometimes things happen for a reason, if this baby was able to be conceived while you were on the pill then maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Good Luck with what ever you decide.

Answer 8

you arent married so go to the health dept & get put on medicaid
poof no more medical bills --even if you were married you may still qualify.take a deep breath & SLEEP as much as possible - start buying diapers - not too many size one - they grow out of those quick!! buy 2nd hand( exept the crib mattress or car seat) dont get sucked into the toy aisle - find a good consignment shop.expect the unexpected - nobodys life is planned for the next week much less the next year -- its not the end of the world -- its the beginning of a beautiful journey -- enjoy your newborn because they grow quicker than you can imagine.you will do fine because the baby needs you & did not ask to be here -- whether or not he/she was planned or not, all it needs is your love .good luck!

Answer 9

having babies is what happens when two people do it. It's a fact of life. You took your chances. And you won. That's why people tell you not to do it till you're married.

Ok, so it's time to look to the future. Go see the doctor, get your vitamins, etc. and while you're still able maybe do extra work and suggest he have two jobs and start making plans for what you two will need to support the new baby, and, of course, it would be best if you get married prior to the baby's arrival. The baby will be with you or 18 years, so start planning for their future. Choose a name, save your money. Skrimp now.

Answer 10

You and your boyfriend need to find someone to talk to. After you talk to one another about the options you would consider, try talking to the pastor of your church, a social worker, or another person you trust to have your best interests at heart. Know what your options are, and the consequences of each of your choices. Make sure that both the choice and the consequences are something that both you and your boyfriend are prepared to support one another in dealing with and managing emotionally. Being pregnant is a particularly emotional time and not always the most rational from a woman's perspective.

Most importantly, you and your boyfriend have to make a decision that will work for you both.