I am a stay at home mom to a 3 and 5 year old. My husband travels frequently for business and my marriage is pretty much dead. When my husband comes home I'm sad to see him. I've never even considered cheating until the last month and I still don't agree with it. However, I've met a man who I really care about which has made all of these feelings about my husband surface again. I guess my question is do I stay in a marriage for financial security & for the kids, or do I leave him and be true to myself? I no longer love him and don't think I ever did. I feel bad and don't want to hurt him, I am terribly confused!
2006-10-18 14:57:29 · 20 answers · asked by ohm2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you should leave, unless you believe there is some hope that you and your husband will be able to work on it. I believe that you need to be happy with your life, and when your kids will get older and move out, you will have noone ny your side but a husband that you don't love and who you are unhappy to see. Its about you, we only live once and you should make yourself happy for once. Your kids will see their father and when they grow up they will understand. good luck!
2006-10-18 15:02:51 · answer #1 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever leave anyone for anyone. The reason is... because if you leave someone for someone, it's not the right reason. You leave because you are going to be happy without him, regardless of who else is in, or who isn't in your life. And, do not be fooled. Single life is not the same, as it was probably before you ever got married. I am not telling you to stay with your husband. I know it's risky. Just make sure, when or if you do. Ask yourself some important questions. Like, Will I be ok, if he says he wants a divorce too? How will I feel, if he becomes more happy than I am, when we are divorced? Can I live without the security, and comfort of knowing someone loves me every day. I'm not saying you can't have this, with someone else. You can. It just may not be as easy as you want to believe. Also, tons of people, dump the other person as soon as they know that you are no longer in that relationship, because they feel like you may expect something from them. Am I happy being single? Yeah, pretty much all the time. Are there bad days? Yeah. Is Christmas the same? Nope. Would I change the fact that I divorced my husband 3 1/2 yrs ago? Not for one second. Just think it over.
2006-10-18 22:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by junebug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids deserve to have a mother and a father. Don't cheat. If you do, you will never forgive yourself. If you think your unhappy now, just wait and see how you will feel it you cheat. It will destroy you. If you didn't love him, why did you bring children into the marriage? Those kids will be the ones to suffer and they dont' deserve it. You need to find something to do with your time. A stay at home mom is an important job and a hard job. But you need to get out by yourself once in awhile so you will feel alive. (But not with another man) Do something for yourself that will refresh your mind, body and soul. Get a massage, go to the gym, get a pedicure. Break up the routine your living. Most of all put some energy into your marriage to try to save it. Divorce really hurts kids. Do what you have to do to try to save this marriage.
2006-10-19 02:57:06 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guess what? the grass is not always greener on the other side. you miss you husband and that's why this other person feels good. but ask yourself this question. is he worth losing everything for. why don't you try and talk to your husband. maybe he needs you to want him and need him back. maybe instead of him coming home to you and the kids. he comes home to you in a nighty and candles and wine. maybe it's time to let him know how much you need and want him. you still love him, you just forgot how to feel it. this other person seems right because you have access to him, but guess what, life has a funny way of changing and as soon as you leave your life with your husband the other person will no longer be new and you will find the same problems with him. my opinion is that you look at yourself, take a deep breath and tell that man of yours you need him, you want him right here right now. maybe you need to travel with him once or twice i 'm sure someone will watch the kids and you and he can find your way back to each other. good luck..
2006-10-18 23:33:20 · answer #4 · answered by JACKSON M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy, then the kids can sense it. If you are no longer in love with him, then you need to get out. You kids will respect you more in the long run if you left to make yourself happy, instead of dragging them through an unhappy childhood. As for the other man, if you want him then you need to leave, cheating is not right under any circumstances. I grew up in an unhappy marriage, my mom didn't leave my dad until I was 21, trust me it is miserable for the kids. I am sure you will do whatever is in your heart and whatever you think it is best for you kids. Good luck.
2006-10-19 15:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you support yourself and your children if you did move out?
I would advise, if you have some means of support, to move out on your own, in your own place....not with this man.....and slowly start a relationship with him if that is what you want to do.
I would carefully watch your children and see how they are dealing with this split up and head off any problems before they start. Make sure they spend plenty of time with dad and make sure that the two of you do not argue or fight in any way when they are around.
I never have agreed with the concept of "staying for the sake of the children" as children are more miserable with two parents who are fighting constantly than they are visiting each parent separately in neutral environments.
But, mostly, I would advise you to stay put until you are not confused anymore. Think things through and weigh all the pros and cons about staying or leaving and when you can make a decision with a very minimum of confusion...then make it and don't look back.
Good Luck!!
2006-10-18 22:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't have the affair. If you do and then get divorced, his lawyer will tear you to shreads and make you look like a bad wife AND a bad mom.
Tell your husband what's on your mind and in your heart. Settle this marriage first before you decide to move on. He's part of this marriage too. He deserves to know. If you guys split up, at least make it amacable; civil.
Be true to yourself, but do it right. Keep your dignity and integrity.
Once it's done, you can be with the other man or anyone else!
2006-10-18 22:06:25 · answer #7 · answered by MoMoney23 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be considerate. How can you do that to a responsible husband
who remain faithful to you and took good care of your family? It is not fair. Wife, submit to your husband and do him good and not evil for the rest of your life. Don't trade your family for a short time and temporary affair. You'll gonna end up with a miserable life, full of shame and guilt. Be sober, we are our children's model, what do you expect to hear from them when they find out that you are having affair with another man ? Turn your back against this man before it's too late. Save your marriage and start doing the right thing. People who made poor choices ends up suffering the consequenes of having a broken homes and earned a bad reputation because of selfishness.
2006-10-18 22:18:06 · answer #8 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want a divorce do things the right way, but divorce should never happen because another person has come into your life. you don't really know this other man, the joke could be on you in the end.you have too much time on your hands,and your looking for some sort of excitement, but what happens when you leave the hubby, and get with the new guy, don't you know the newness wears off. i would work on my marriage, and forget this guy.
2006-10-18 22:56:47 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Violet Pearl. You must start finding a life for yourself so that when your husband travels, you will feel not so lonely.
Why did you marry him if you don't think you ever did?
I suggest you look for a marriage therapist to help you sort out your issues, and then work hard for the sake of your kids and your marriage.
2006-10-18 22:06:18 · answer #10 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋