How can I stop wanting to be a perfectionist?

Question

I can't say I am because I am not perfect. But I want everything to be perfect and I feel really upset or depressed if it isn't. I think this is causing me to have low self esteem.

Thanks everyone a lot of good answers in different ways.

Answer 1

I'd say you have it backwards, and it's low self esteem that's causing the need for perfection. You want to prove that the low self-esteem, which you also think is a reflection of others' opinions of you, is not deserved and that you are capable of acting and doing things you and others can be proud of.

But the odds are others don't have the standards for you, or the doubts about you, that you have for yourself. And the low self esteem is probably left over from some childhood experiences that only you remember.

Once you look at it that way, you may be less afraid to try something, and realize that failure only proves you need to learn from the mistakes, as we all do, and that it's not a sign of your own innate inferiority. Logically, if you were indeed inferior, what would be the point of trying to prove otherwise through perfection except to deceive others about your real nature?

See the conundrum that perfectionism is meant to unravel yet which also dooms the enterprise to failure as the wrong problem is always being addressed.

Answer 2

I just went to a psychologist and she diagnosed me with "perfectionism". I go to college and I sometimes will write papers over and over or I even recopy my homework over so that it looks nice when I turn it in. I also balance my checkbook down to the penny several times a month when I know there is plenty of money in the account. These are the things that stand out the most to me that I can name right now.

I don't quite understand how to stop doing something that I have done all my life (I'm 29 lol). My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin. It is the first time I have ever been on an antidepressant. It's only been a week and I know that to feel the full effects it takes more like 3-4 weeks.

I have, however, been able to concentrate better while taking tests. I just got the best score I have ever gotten in any on my Anatomy classes back today. Is it the drugs? I dunno? Hell, I'm happy for the grade. I can honestly screw up a grade by trying to over perfect the entire class.

My doctor did recommend a book to me that I am going to pass on to you. "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough", by Martin M. Antony.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You need to talk with a counselor or a professional who can properly evaluate what your feeling and why. No one should go thur life looking for perfection because it is not here so you can never find it and will always be upset with yourself or others.

Depression is also a serious matter so don't fool around get help What your worrying about,, at this stage does not sound serious but it can get out of hand if not properly dealt with.,.

Answer 4

The presents an interesting conundrum, especially in light of your seeming depression. Consider that you wish to hang yourself due to the lack of perfection in your world, how exactly would you know that you executed the perfect suicide? A 100% success rate could never be observed because you would not be alive to witness it!

You need to push this obsessive-compulsive disorder into more creative projects- if you are seeking perfection and total order then I recommend throwing yourself into home repair and remodeling-your significant others will thank you.

Answer 5

Have you every thought that you maybe suffering from OCD(Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)this is an anxiety disorder ...

Many people still carry the misperception that they somehow caused themselves to have these compulsive behaviors and obsessive thoughts. Nothing could be further from the truth. OCD is likely the cause of a number of intertwined and complex factors which include genetics, biology, personality development, and how a person learns to react to the environment around them.

A visit to your GP for a correct diagnostis maybe of help in this regard

Answer 6

Just think "it could always be worse", and lets face it... no human is perfect. But wanting things done right and things perfect are two different things. I like things done right and in order. But I don't think of myself as a perfectionist. As far as I'm concerned, I'm organised.

Answer 7

Most perfectionists I've met (myself included) tend to have their perfectionism appear when they feel the need to have more control in their life. ("If everything was JUUUUST right...") For myself, it has helped a lot to find a job where I can use my perfectionism from time to time. That and after a lot of soul-searching realizing that sometimes the most fun in life comes from things being all screwed up!

Answer 8

Stop living in the future. Start living in the now, it is called mindfulness. If you focus on what you are experiencing right now at this moment you cant be worried about those things that you think need to be perfect.

Answer 9

I wish i knew, Im bipolar and i have a type A personallity. I feel stupid when i cant do somethig right which is also part of my obsesive compulsive behavior.

i am taking celexia and it helps but still i have that desire to be perfect, and if it isn't i get depressed and i feel stupid. then i get angry cause i can't do it right.

Answer 10

just let it go. everytime you are gettting upset because something isnt perfect, do something else to take your mind off of it completely. like bake, go for a run, talk on the phone- or even go shopping....just step back, take a deap breathe, and say to yourself it is what it is.