i am stuck in a miserable marriage. i hate it. i have three kids though.?

Question

i gave up my career in banking to become a stay at home mom 5 years ago. now my husband works out of town.....and i am always alone. i cannot afford to leave. i am bitter and cannot go like this any longer. i am not in love anymore. but i do not want to escape into a new relationship. i just want to move on and be on my own. any suggestions?

he has been out of town for 6 months now.....the kids are having a hard time.......he comes home on weekends if he can. he won't quit his job, he won't acknowledge that this is causing problems......anytime i bring anything up, he doesn't 'have time' to talk. i'm tired of this. he reminds me all of the time who is paying for everything...(him) the kids say....daddy never comes home anymore. this is so heartbreaking.

Answer 1

wow girlfriend, thats sad, i can understand how you feel, whats wrong with some of these men? Think about it, he's never there, whats the point in living your life in misery if you dont want to? So you have 3 kids, well, you are raising them by your self, no one said you have to jump into another relationship. Enjoy your life you deserve that! I stayed with a man for my kids too, the worst thing i could of done, and it was only because i was afraid of being on my own, but he was never there, just like your situation, i can tell you the day i packed all my things and my kids it was like a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders.. The first thing i did was go out and get a job, When he sends money home, if he does, start sockin it girl (mad money lol) You dont wanna leave empty handed, then on the other hand, your already in the house, let him go find another place to live! Its really not hard, its just making that first step, and thats not as scarey as you think it is. Email me if you need some girl talk. been there and done that girlfriend, good luck! Love yourself enough to know you deserve a "life"

Answer 2

If you are miserable, do not stay in the relationship. A lot of people stay together "for the kids" or because they can't make it on their own and yeah in the long run it ends up hurting the kids more. I was suicidal by age 5. My parents did not fight or anything, but they were not happy around each other. I could always tell my mom wasnt happy with my dad and dad wasn't happy with mom. All I did was wish that they would get a divorce. My mom stayed because she didn't want to get a job, flat out.

If it was me I would try to find a job, whatever you can get for now. When you get divorced you will have the child support and all of that.. so it wont be TOO bad- you can do it for you and the kids!

I am a single mommy of 2 kids (under the age of 3) and I am only 20. They don't have a father or any of that so i get NO help at all. If I can do it um yeah anyone can!

Answer 3

Well, the easy answer would be to cut and paste your own words "move on and be on your own".

Look, take a great big reality check here. You were a banker. You're not stupid and never were. You had to know what you were getting into when you opted for the stay at home mom with hubby doing whatever it is he does. Think about what you were thinking then. Think about what you thought the oldest's high school graduation was gonna be like. Think about the kids waiting tables instead of going to college because you and the hubby spent their college fund on lawyers just because you got tired of doing what you wanted to do five years ago.

You're just in an emotional slump. You're bored. You don't see the forest for the trees.

What you probably need is a vacation with your husband and not the kids. You need time together to remember what it was like back then, what you wanted back then, and most of all what it's going to be like when you have those matching rockers on the front porch watching the sunset or matching Harleys and all that growing old together stuff you laughed about five years ago.

Get back to what's important. Don't make a huge mistake just because you're so bored you'd take the excitement of a huge divorce fight over the day to day business of being a wife and mother.

Maybe you want to hire a nanny and go back to work. Maybe you want to go back to work and hubby stay home a while. Maybe you just need a few days on a cruise ship or a beach to see that what you want is what you already have. And maybe you really really do want a divorce, but I really really don't think that's clear.

Answer 4

I would put the kids in daycare for a few hours a couple of times a week and get a part time job. You could probably use the time apart from the kids and some adult interaction for a change. Try it, it may just be what you need. Nobody could stand to be cooped up so much, it only gives you time to think about how unhappy you are. But if there is no longer any love there, that would warrant a different answer. Then its best not to drag it out unnecessarily, the kids will suffer more in that case. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Often times people fall into a rut and things seem to go downhill from there. Most would take the easy way out and attempt to break the marriage hoping to find better pastures. That in a way is the worst case. But if do just the opposite, what do you have to lose? You only stand to gain at best and be exactly where you are now at worst. So my advice will be to give your best at resurrecting this marriage. If not for anything, for the sake of the kids. Re-kindle the flame, remind him of what it was like to be when you guys were happily married, so much in love. Give of yourself selflessly. Make him feel special and with the grace of God, things might just take a turn for the better. You have invested a lot in this, so don't just declare banruptcy, try to turn things around. Give yourself 6 months to do this. If at the end of that time, things are still the same, seek happiness elsewhere by all means. Good luck!

Answer 6

You sound just like me I gave up everything for with my kids and my husband is never home. I felt the same way you feel at times but I think you resent him for having a job and you have to stay home or at least I did. I used to tell him all the time that I'm leaving. But I think you should get a job (I know easier said than done) sit down when he's home and talk and tell him if you haven't already and tell him you want to go back to work tell him what you want. That's what I did and now things are a lot better.
Good luck

Answer 7

Sit your husband down and tell him how you really feel. He will need to support you financially and emotionally until you can get your career back. You are not doing the children any favors by staying in a bad marriage. You deserve to have a happy life; and you need to be happy for your kids. It does not sound like at this point marriage counseling would help. You want and need to move on. His not being there for you will probably never change. You could try a trial separation; and work out visitation for the children. Remember the first step is always the hardest; but don't let anyone hold you back from going for what you want.

Answer 8

Do you have a hobby? Are you in a situation where you can get a sitter and have a little time to yourself? Even if it is to read a book, take a bubble bath or anything that you enjoy!!

I am a stay at home Mom of two. My husband and I make date nights and do a vacation a year with the kids and a vacation by ourselves.
Are you really "not in love anymore" or do you miss the attention that your spouse used to give you and that time where you are an individual, not "mom" or "wife".........

If you are truly unhappy, talk to your husband. You'll always be tied by those kids;(

Answer 9

Marriage is a serious commitment not to be entered lightly. I can tell you this divorce tears kids up from the inside out. I know this from experience. My parents divorced when I was 12. It's serious business. Go to counseling and fix your marriage. You loved him once you can love him again.
Does your lifestyle force your husband to work out of town? If so take it down a notch so he can get a job locally.

I don't care about you or your husband in this situation. You jumped into a serious commitment not committed. It's all about the children. They're the ones that will suffer the most.

Answer 10

I know how you feel. I have yet to find the answers. With childcare being higher than wages and the cost of living being so high, the options are minimal. I like being a stay at home mom and it is good for my children. I feel like I have two choices...... I can stay and put up with my marriage and be here for my twins, or I can leave and not be here for them. I try to enjoy the time while my husband is gone and try to cope while he is home. It is not as easy as most people seem to think. I prefer being alone rather than lonely any day. I hope you find the answer to your questions. Take Care and Enjoy Your Kids!!!!!!!!