I need some concrete advice about this .
I was marry for 11years we been together for 20 years in time. I left and took our kids because the marriage was going down with not communication and and mental abuse on his part. I tried to do everything to keep the marriage together now that I left. I was to try and talk to him but he shut me out. he moved around the same complex that I lived in got a one bedroom townhouse I have a three for our children. I tried to call him on the phone and he said, you left and this is what you want. he act like he doesn't know me. I went over them and knock on the door he didn';t answer. all I want is answer to why he treat me so badly . I know i should take it for his action but I need to bring closure. to this. I need him to tell me the anwer. what can I do to get him to talk to me. I didn't everything possiable. He doesn't give me any child support yet, I did go down to put in for it. do you think he is piss because I left. He
2006-10-18 12:46:45 · 9 answers · asked by babymadison61904 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What's done is done. I think you need to be still right now. Concentrate on you and the kids. DON'T get into another relationship to get him jealous. DON'T harrass him and DON'T be kissing his *** either. He needs time to cool down and realize where he went wrong in this relationship. When a person goes through mental, physical, or any type of abuse, you get sort of "addicted" to that feeling because it's familiar (I experienced this). Don't allow yourself to feel bad for him. You need to heal and you need to realize that you deserve to be treated better. It takes two to tango, so you need to also realize where you went wrong and deal with your own issues. However, you are not responsible for what your husband did and did not do. Everyone makes their own decisions. Bottom line is that you're finally free from that bondage of abuse. Take this time to seek professional help. Work on you. That's all you can do. In time, if this relationship is meant to be, he'll also seek help and work on him and if/when you reunite, you'll both be better people and better parents. If you force the relationship now, this will not only hurt you, but also the kids. They don't need to be around any type of abuse. They need to see their mom living a healthy life. Remember, our children learn from our examples. So take care of YOU right now and leave the rest to God.
2006-10-19 02:09:01 · answer #1 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you got closure when he left! When I left my ex of 20 years, I too could not give a concrete answer as to why I left. I said things like we have grown apart, I need my own space, I will always love you but not like a wife should. The truth is, I left because I could not stand having sex with him, it was awful, I won't get into details but I was never satisfied. Soooo........I chose to spare his feelings, what good would it have done to tell him that? Maybe that is what your ex is doing. Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to!
2006-10-18 13:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Hwy2?? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is another part of the mental abuse, this is a way to control you. That is how they work and as long as you keep trying to talk to him the more he will get a thrill out of ignoring you. Just leave him alone, that is the only way to get to people like this. Just live your life with your children and take care of them the best you can without him. He will use control or guilt or anything he can to keep you under his thumb. Good luck.
2006-10-19 08:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay he is still controlling you.Even though you left you are still emotionally invested in the relationship. You CAN NOT make him tell you anything. You have to think okay I did what was best for me and my children, I cannot control him and I cannot change him, I can only change me and the way I handle situations and what I allow myself to put up with. If he doesn't want to talk to you then so be it you can have your discussions through your lawyer. And yes he was pissed, you stood up for yourself and he probably thinks well if I don't speak to her and treat her this way then you will go back to him. Don't do it! Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
2006-10-18 13:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by Sara R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is mad and he is watching you so be very careful in what you do.Your best bet is to stay away from him right now let him calm down he will come to you when he is ready not before then.You hurt his pride he needs time to get over it. Hang in there it will get better for you and your kids. I no you want closure you might not like what you hear so if I were you I would leave things as they are.
2006-10-18 13:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your answer is staring you in the face... He's an abusive controlling person, end of story. Good for you for leaving, have your lawyer talk to him from now on. You have to move on. Good luck.
2006-10-18 12:58:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two will be angry back and forth for a few years before things settle down and then hopefully, for the sake of your children, you two will be friendly toward each other. It is always bad at the beginning.
2006-10-18 12:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will never know why he treated you badly for so long ... what you need to find out is why you accepted the behavior for so long ... in his eyes he did nothing wrong so he has no reason for closure.
2006-10-18 12:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lets see..... after 20 yrs, its over, and YOU want to talk about it? you might be wise to let this man cool down a little before attempting to get YOUR closure
2006-10-18 12:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by dwayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋