Is it possible for people to change?

Question

I saw the movie "The Break Up" and it's like looking in the mirror. It is exactly what we are going through right now, except we are married with 2 kids. I cried the last half of the movie b/c I felt like it was me. I am an artist and he's really into video games, but he is so unwilling to do anything to show that he really cares about me or our family. He works everyday for us and I appreciate that, but I just want to feel like I mean something to him, that he loves me and wants to do things with me. We havn't gone out together in a long time and when we do go out we always go see a movie that he wants to see. Every weekend I find myself home alone with the kids while he goes out with the guys and everytime I ask him to do something I would like (even cuddling) he will NOT do it. Everything he does is for him. He won't even play with his son b/c he doesn't want to. I cook, clean, massage him, get him drinks, and whatever he wants. The guy changes in the movie, is it really possible?

Answer 1

As we tell the kids, do not believe everything you see on TV, if you do not love someone for the way they are and who they are, you are best seperated. Sometimes it is better for the kids when the parents are not together espically if there is fussin or abuse.

Answer 2

People cannot and will not change even if they love you so much after they pass the age of 13. This is the truth because I have seen it in many situations. In my opinion, it's a guy thing where they can't change and it probably is a girl's thing too but I know of some girls who have changed to be a better partner or a person alone. However, the point is, if he hasn't changed over the years, he's not going to change now. He is accostumed to you being 'okay' with him taking the lead and doing whatever he wants to. He wont understand what you're saying when you talk to him about it. I'm sorry hun but it's reality...Have you ever told your children not to believe everything they hear on the news, or on the tv alone, or even see on the internet? ...It's the same for movies. I understand that you may still have hope after reading all of this and I say...go for it if you really believe he loves you that mcuh in order to break the power of human nature because I know that is possible if he cares that much...however, keep in mind that just because he's fine for one month or even a year after you talk to him about it...he may switch back to being the him you don't appreciate thinking you dont and wont care anymore. Guys are like that...they either think you forget or start to think 'hey..idrc anymore...she can feel however she feels' and they can start going back to how they are and having you deal with it. Anyways, I hope things go well and I hope that at the least, what I'm telling you gave you some help in whatever you decide to do...

However, in my opinion, do not seperate...espeically since you already have kids. It's so hard on the kids when they will grow up..especially when they have to choose between their two parents. In addition, children should have love from both of their parents at the same time and should be able to see the love a couple shares right in their family- not outside of it. I would say...deal with it...make your children your life and just think you're accepting him for who he is to help your children and keep them from feeling uncomfortable. You married your husband because you loved him...and I'm sure you probably still love him even though he doesn't always give you what you'd like.
If you still need help, you can message me.

Answer 3

first of all you need to stop being so damn nice. I uuderstand he is your husband and works really hard but so do you! Every once in a while it would be nice to get massaged or have him serve you a drink. This thing about going out with the guys on the weekends is fine if your going out with the girls too. If you dont tell him he wont know and if he argues with you while you are telling him he is being insenstive then guess what he doesn't care about you or his kids. Try talking to him you will know how and where he is coming from. I couldn't be with a man like that. At least give your kids attention if not me your own wife.

Answer 4

Sure it's possible. People change all the time. It sounds as though his wants and needs come first. Marriage is a two way street. Of course your kids come first before you do. Your husband sounds as though he doesn't believe that and that means he's probably very immature. Why should a person change if there are no consequences. Show him that you come first, start going to movies you like. Put your foot down. He's walking all over you and your letting him. You need to learn to say no. There are a lot of good self-help books out there. Get one on co-dependency. Really, you will see yourself, and you will change. Thats what needs to happen here.

Answer 5

I too cried while watching "The Brake Up." It is sad to see the mistake that all women (including myself) make while in relationships. The key thing I took from the movie is that men (and all people for that matter) so not change unless they want to. No one changes for someone else!!!

With that said, evaluate your relationship (or lack of) with your eyes wide open. Do not sugar coat the unhappiness you are feeling. Only then will you be able to clearly see what direction your life is headed. If your not happy, you have force yourself to make a change...That is the hardest part of life, walking away when you know you should but would rather not.

Answer 6

Everyone will change to a certain degree . . . either for the good, or the bad.

I am concerned though about expecting your husband to change. His behavior is selfish and immature, and simply hoping that he will one day wake up and change his ways, just like in a movie, is wishful and foolish thinking.

It will take hard work to get him, and your marriage back on the right track. I would suggest talking to a counselor who specializes in marriage or general family dynamics. Too many women fall into the trap that a man can be "changed" or "rescued" if a woman tries hard enough. Don't buy into that fantasy.

This isn't a movie. This is your real life. I wish you the best.

Answer 7

Sorry honey,,he sounds like a very SELFISH man to me. You need to stop doing everything you do for him,because he knows you will do it. I personally wouldnt sit around every weekend alone while hes out with his boys..noway. maybe once in awhile thats fine but every weekend??? You got to be outta your mind. My man and me go out together most of the time because we like hanging out together. You need to either tell him to straighten up or get the hell out. Your life is passing you by and hes not caring for you or the kids?? Move on honey for real. He will not change from what i have read.

Answer 8

Yeah guys change.....but usually out of fear. Make him fear that you will leave him..and I mean for real..and I'm sure you'll see a change. Trust me on this one, you'll find out alot real fast. I used to take for granted what I had in my marriage, but when I messed up and it was gone, I realized what I had missed and wanted it back because it was the most valuable thing in my life. I had to change to get it back and I gained more respect for my wife.

Answer 9

I saw the movie too. You just have to tell him how you feel. But dont let it get you in an agrument. Just "talk" about it. That would hurt if my husband didnt show love for me. Good luck!!!

Remember dont let it lead to a fight like in the movie!!!

Answer 10

Well, I guess it's time to find out. Have a serious talk with him. Tell him that one way or the other there's going to be a serious change. Either that change is going to be both of you working on the relationship, or that change is going to be you leaving.

P.S. Wife does not equal slave.